It was my lunch break. I wasn't feeling very hungry, so instead of going to the in-store pizza place and cafe, I strolled out of the front end where all the cash registers are located and I headed off for the video department, which was located near the main entrance of the store. Every now and then, I like to pop in there and just check things out. I never rent anything, I just walk up and down the racks of videos, admiring the various pictures on each box. Sometimes, when I run across a film that I’ve seen and liked, I’ll pick it up and glance at the studio-produced summary on the back, reminiscing on what the experience of the film was like.

Upon entering the video section, the blonde girl at the counter looked up at me with a sense of unease. I had seen her around and tried talking to her a couple of times. She was planning on attending the local college, SUNY Geneseo, in order to become a theatre major starting this Fall. I guess she didn’t exactly get the best first impression of me, as there were times when I swore she acted as though I was stalking her. Whatever. I walked past her without even giving her a glance back. When it comes to movies, I have no time for women. (Seriously, just ask my last girlfriend.) Looking to my left, I noticed that the posters hanging above the used video bin (where you can get the latest and greatest worn-out VHS copies of your favorite movies for as low as $4.95) hadn’t been changed in a good while, as ads for wasted pieces of celluloid like "The Million Dollar Hotel" and "Eye of the Beholder" were still rearing their ugly heads up there. Continuing on to the “New Releases” section, I passed by some college students (two girls and one guy) who were trying to figure out what they wanted to watch that night in their dorm. They passed up both "Traffic" and "Snatch", and decided to settle for "Dude, Where’s my Car?" Just another slice of proof that the taste of the general public has gone to hell? Indeed.

Finally, I was in the section of catalogued titles. As I perused the “Action/Adventure” rack, I once again found a flick I liked and picked it up, ogling the slip cover in the plastic video case. The selection of the day was "True Romance: Director’s Cut". Yes, this was a good one. No masterpiece, but more than solid. I stood in the back of the video department, transfixed as I thought back on the film. Really, it is hard to find fault with a film that has a verbally hip and witty script penned by a pre-"Pulp Fiction" Quentin Tarantino matched with the hyper, stylish direction of Tony “Top Gun” Scott. (Love those blue filters, man.) It has been said that Tarantino wrote the script for "True Romance" as a sort of wish-fulfillment process. Really, in my own state of geekdom, I see True Romance as the ultimate fantasy-fulfilled-through-film of me and all the other geeks like me. I mean, who wouldn’t want to run from the law in a purple Cadillac with a suitcase full of cocaine in the back and a hot babe by your side?

"True Romance" starts out with lowly comic-book store clerk Clarence Worley (Christian Slater) attending a Sonny Chiba triple-feature at the local multiplex on his birthday. Out of nowhere, this gorgeous woman named Alabama Whitman (Patricia Arquette) shows up and “accidentally” dumps her popcorn right in Clarence’s lap. Not taken aback in the least, Clarence shares his knowledge of kung-fu movies and comic books with Alabama and, after some pie (and you need to eat pie after seeing a good movie), they wind up spending the night together and falling in love. Of course, this creates a problem, as Alabama is a prostitute, albeit a very inexperienced one, and belongs to Drexl, a wannabe-down-with-the-homies white-boy pimp played by a ghetto-fabulous Gary Oldman. (Gary, you will never live this one down. And I mean that in a good way.) Clarence confronts Drexl, shooting him and taking off with a suitcase full of white powdery stuff that happens to belong to the mob. Thinking they can sell the drugs to celebrities (new ice breaking game at a party: name a celebrity that doesn’t like to get high), Clarence and Alabama head west to meet up with Dick Ritchie (Michael Rapaport), a wannabe actor who is a friend of Clarence.

"True Romance" never stops moving, and it contains a lot of good scenes, along with one really great one. It involves a stand-off between Vincenzo Coccotti (Christopher Walken), a mob associate out to kill Clarence, and Clarence’s father, Clifford Worley (Dennis Hopper). Except for the end result, there is no physical violence, only violent wordplay as the tension grows thicker between them with each verbal exchange. Eventually, in true Tarantino fashion, Hopper’s character, understanding he is in a situation where he is going to die no matter what, decides he is not going out before throwing one huge insult in the face of Walken’s character, and reveals a little known fact about those who are of Italian descent. This little vignette, set to an operatic soundtrack, is a powerhouse within itself. So too is the one where Virgil (James Gandolfini), a contract killer for the mob, slaps Alabama up and down a hotel room (a scene the Director’s Cut expands upon), going so far as to throw her through a glass shower door, only to have her fight back and seriously throw down in a post-"Thelma and Louise" feministic way. And all of it comes to a head in a climax that makes the final frames of "Reservoir Dogs" look like child’s play. (But shame on Scott for thinking that lightning would strike twice with "Enemy of the State".) Thrown in here and there are pop culture references to Elvis (the only man Clarence would ever sleep with, not to mention his spiritual mentor), satirical bits about the movie business, and one good shot (literally) at the D.A.R.E. program. It is even smart enough to have a scene where the characters ride a roller coaster, thus drawing a parallel to what the audience and the characters are experiencing. You might not remember this film forever, but it is as intelligent and unpretentious as summer movies go.

Yes, True Romance is a geek’s dream come true. And just think, if Clarence, a comic-book store clerk, could get a babe like Patricia Arquette, who would a cashier in a respectable grocery store, like myself, wind up with? Jennifer Aniston? Elizabeth Hurley? Sarah Michelle Gellar? Setting the video back on the shelf and walking out of the video department, with the blonde theatre-major behind the counter breathing a sigh of relief, I glanced at my watch and realized I had 15 minutes left on my break yet. I decided I might go to the pizza place and have a slice of BBQ Chicken pizza after all. (8/10)



Best Quote to Use on a Customer During a Bad Day: "Don't condescend me, man. I'll f***in' kill ya, man."



Recommended:
Yes

Viewing Format: DVD
Video Occasion: Good for a Rainy Day
Suitability For Children: Not suitable for Children of any age