Ok, first let’s get this out of the way: this has got to be the single worst movie National Lampoon has ever put out. Let’s be honest. I haven’t seen the Golf movie with Tom Arnold that National Lampoon made, but I would guess that it isn’t as awful as this bad carribbean acid trip.

However, let us not forget that its only redeeming quality is that it stars BOTH of the Corey’s!! That’s got to account for something, right? Well, in my book – it DOES. So. Your opinion of how much this movie sucks, is good…….for me to poop on.
On a Corey Scale of 5, this atrocious flick rates a Feldman Factor of 3. Read more to find out why!

Nothing beats a Corey² flick. It’s a damn shame that this is one of the few movies on DVD that features both Corey’s, but I guess that’s the way it goes. Just another case of The Man keeping us down, as mattie-matt would say.

First things first, let’s get this silly thing called a “plot” out of the way. Corey Feldman (yay!) stars as Sam, with Corey Haim starring as Dave. Both are ‘chefs’ at a lame burger joint which promptly burns down before you even realize it at the beginning of the movie. I know, I know – don’t ask ‘why’ things happen in this movie, just accept them. Strange things are afoot in National Lampoon’s Last Resort, and I think this can be attributed to a lot of pot-smoking/acid-tripping on the part of the script-writers. The Corey's talk on the phone to each other when they are in the same room, they drop into the middle of an island miraculously after being at a bus stop.... just let it all go. Anyways, after they lose their jobs due to the burger joint burning down, somehow, someway the Corey’s are beckoned to Sam’s Uncle’s resort on an island, where they end up posing as CIA agents and/or Navy SEALS teaching fine young ladies how to SCUBA dive (explaining this movie’s alternate title “National Lampoon’s SCUBA School”).

But none of this matters, as teaching fine young ladies how to SCUBA dive is not necessary to the “plot”.

Basically, Sam’s Uncle Rex is concerned about his resort failing, which is nonetheless due to the evil villain Hemlock trying to make the resort fail. His sinister plot to cause the resort’s failure is based upon a supposedly ‘hidden treasure’ on the resort’s land. Therefore, Hemlock has two henchmen try to cause the resort’s demise, meanwhile convincing Sam to get his Uncle Rex to sign over the papers to the resort’s ownership over to him, because Rex is promised money to bring the resort up off its feet. Confusing? Well, it’s a rollercoaster of Corey² fun! So stop fronting.

Amidst all these exciting shenanigans of Hemlock’s henchmen being, well..retarded – we also are treated to classic Feldman hijinx. Please note Corey’s dreadful sideburns, first and foremost. What the hell landed on his face?? And how the hell did it land TWICE, one on each side? Inquiring minds want to know! Also, did you notice his stunningly vogue outfits? Everything totally matches, down to the bunchy-socks caressing his ankles just above the pointy shoes.

Let’s also please note how Lord Feldman uses his lispy gay man’s voice quite magically in a few scenes, which only makes this movie more appealing to anyone keeping a Feldman Score. Feldman+Haim+outfits+carribbean island+lispy voice=FUN! How can you not like this movie?

Okay, we cannot forget the other Corey. Just because I have a preference for the charismatic Corey, does not mean we should shun the beautiful Corey. Haim actually is quite colorful in this flick, he struts his hunky bod around as usual, and basically just charms my underpants right off of me. Eh, whoops. So what if he is strikingly handsome, has a smile to die for, a chest just made to lick, and hair that pi&&es off Richard Grieco (‘cuz he’s jealous). HE’S NOT COREY FELDMAN, PEOPLE!! Was he in Stand By Me? No. The Goonies? No. Was he little boy Tommy in Friday the 13th: Part IV? Hell no! He wasn’t even in the Bad News Bears, wtf! But, he’s a Corey, and for this we love him.

So, the Corey’s are basically here to save the day for Uncle Rex. Along with swordfights, bad underwater scenes (not even underwater, please note), horrible stunts (watch Corey Haim get shot out of the ocean by his oxygen tank which has clogged up and turned into a rocket pack. He’s just jumping off the ground and they keep replaying it to make it look like he’s flying through the air!), secondary love stories, AWFUL villains with weird voices, and just downright bad acting by supporting actors/actresses……this movie just plain rocks the casbah! It’s awful, and we all know it. But, we just need to sit back and enjoy the Corey’s. Everything (naturally) works out in the end, the boys get the girls, the Uncle gets to keep his resort, and even Hemlock is happy.

And, if that isn’t enough – Corey Feldman does his magical Michael Jackson Dance at the end of the movie when the underwater fat Elvis is singing. Jesus, people – what more do you want!??



SUMMARY:
Feldman Factor = 3 (Outfits, lispy voice, Michael Jackson Dance)
Enjoyment Factor = Need to be drunk. Or stoned (but that’s ILLEGAL, so please be careful!). Or an obsessive Corey fan (doesn’t matter which one, but see my Feldman Factor for guidelines).
Rated = PG-13 (not for all audiences).


Recommended:
Yes

Viewing Format: DVD
Video Occasion: None of the Above
Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 13 and Older