As a movie goer, I have a high capacity for suspension of disbelief. I can accept the fact that legions of criminal baddies with automatic weapons can misfire thousands of rounds in inept attempts to snuff Mel Gibson in every Lethal Weapon incarnation that comes down the pike. I can believe that the methodology utilized to breed dinosaurs in Jurassic Park is scientifically feasible. I can even buy off on the notion that Jim Carrey’s disturbed, volatile character in The Cable Guy could be associated with the respectable catv industry when he was clearly better suited for a position with the United States Postal Service. But 1969’s The Love God? presented a premise that even I had a hard time swallowing: that there is a conceivable circumstance somewhere within the realm of possibility that would allow Don Knotts to be the recipient of copious amounts of female lust. Don Knotts – at the forefront of the sexual revolution. Bug-eyed Don Knotts – pushing aside throngs of amorous wannabe groupies. Skinny, little, bug-eyed Don Knotts – leavin’ women wet with desire. Like a garter snake attempting to swallow a muskrat, I nearly choked on that one. But once it cleared my gullet, all I could say was, “Man! That’s one tasty muskrat!”
Don Knotts portrays Abner Peacock, the nerdy favorite son of Peacock City and publisher of The Peacock, a financially challenged journal devoted to the unappreciated art of bird watching. Abner leads a rather vanilla, mundane existence until the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune come to pay him a visit. Through happenstance and contrivance, Abner undergoes a metamorphosis from nervous milquetoast to First Amendment poster child to widely adored jetsetting playboy. Knotts plays each facet of this three-pronged role to perfection, injecting each with his distinct embodiment of the mistreated anti-hero.
METAMORPHOSIS
STAGE I: NERVOUS MILQUETOAST
”What the hell was that?!?”
- Evelyn Tremaine, in response to a particularly vociferous Abner Peacock bird call.
Abner Peacock contains most of the character traits that Don Knotts brings to every role he portrays. He is a nervous, high-strung man, good-hearted yet naïve, unimposing, unintimidating, well-intentioned but prone to ineptness. This is the prototypical Don Knotts role. I give Knotts a lot of credit for his superb physical comedy and his knack for creating empathy towards the generally pathetic characters he portrays, but I will not presume to oppose the general consensus that state he lacks versatility. Much like you could depend on ZZ Top to release an endless string of Eliminator soundalikes following the huge success of that album, once Don Knotts found his comedic niche, he did not stray. While this was certainly not a bold, innovative career decision, I actually embrace and appreciate the familiarity of Don Knotts doing what he does best.
Knotts carries an affability to the screen. He’s lovable despite his faults, perhaps because of his faults. Let’s take a quick look at Knotts’ trademark role, Barney Fife. Barney was a vain, pompous, arrogant, puffed up, self absorbed subscriber to “Narcissism Weekly” yet everyone loved him. It takes a special talent to wrap up all those negative traits into one character and still come across as lovable. I contend that only a handful of actors could have pulled that off successfully, and probably none as successfully as Knotts. The bonehead who endeavored to replace him on The Andy Griffith Show can probably attest to that. Does anyone remember his name? I didn’t think so.
Abner Peacock affords Knotts ample opportunity to showcase his distinct brand of physical comedy. Of particular note is an early scene wherein Abner is publicly displaying his phenomenal bird calling techniques in a rousing musical number called Summer in the Meadow. This is part of an ill-fated fund-raising effort to save his magazine. Knotts’ performance in this scene is nothing short of artistic perfection. Every nod, every gesture, every sideways glance, every facial expression is perfectly contrived to evoke the maximum amount of laughter. Granted, my tastes are a bit off the beaten path, but this scene had me laughing so hard that I was beyond the point of tears.
Eventually, The Peacock is “saved” by Osborn Tremaine (played by Edmond O’Brien), an erstwhile smut peddler posing in the guise of an altruistic publishing tycoon. Tremaine had his fourth-class mailing privilege revoked in an earlier court action and needed The Peacock as a front to distribute his “artistic vision” (aided by his amply-bosomed wife, Evelyn, portrayed by Maureen Arthur).
Needless to say, gullible Abner falls for this ruse, which brings him to…
STAGE II: FIRST AMENDMENT POSTER CHILD
”The Marquis de Sade would have viewed Abner Peacock as a peer in his search for lechery.”
- Attorney General for the United States
Unwittingly conned, Abner finds himself in the jungles of Brazil attempting to photograph the Ippicarius Tropicanus, the most notoriously shy bird in the world. Tremaine shipped him there for the ostensible purpose of transforming The Peacock into a smut rag in his absence. Successful in this endeavor, Tremaine once again provokes the ire of the United States government which prompts a world-wide manhunt for Abner Peacock (now dubbed “Dirty Abner” by the press).
Upon his return, Abner finds himself the center of domestic upheaval. Tried and convicted by the media, Abner’s image has become one of a perverse miscreant of the lowest order. However, an ACLU-type organization agrees to defend him in order to further its freedom of speech agenda and Abner becomes a political pawn.
His attorney, the world famous Darryl Evans Hughes (ably portrayed by James Gregory, whom some may recognize as Inspector Luger of Barney Miller fame) is unconcerned with the truth in the case and does little to enhance Abner’s tarnished image. Witness Hughes’ opening statements in Abner Peacock’s “defense”:
It is sick, unsavory creatures like Abner Peacock who test the strength of our Constitution which like a Rock of Gibraltar has withstood challenge after challenge in protecting our freedom of the press down through the years. Now, ladies and gentlemen, are we to stand idly by and allow the first crack to be made in this rock because of this dirty little pornographer? This is a dirty case and a dirty little man. It is with disgust to the point of nausea that I find myself sitting next to this filthy little degenerate, but when I see this filthy little degenerate’s constitutional rights being threatened, then I must take this filthy little degenerate, clasp him to my breast, and fight for this filthy little degenerate’s rights and liberties with my very life!
Picture in your mind, if you will, The People vs. Larry Flynt featuring Mr. Rogers playing the title character and you will have the correct sense of the bizarre nature of the courtroom scenes. Watching the indignant Abner Peacock squirm, whine, and hemhaw his way through the trial created some of the funniest scenes in this film.
This leads us to…
STAGE III: JETSETTING PLAYBOY
”Abner Peacock, on the front pages. On television. Mobbed. Idolized. Mr. Sex, the new love god.”
- Liza del Monica, editor “The Peacock”.
This is where the suspension of disbelief comes into play. Throughout the course of the trial, the roguish portrait the lawyers painted of Peacock, the “bad boy” image he now engendered, and the newfound success of his risqué publication imbued on Abner a perceived aura of raw sexuality, inciting the imaginations of women everywhere and capturing all their little fancies.
This is quite a stretch, admittedly, but is it really that far removed from reality? Is Don Knotts really any more pipsqueakish than Leonardo diCaprio or any more odd-looking than Andie McDowell? These celebrities have somehow ascended to the lofty pinnacle of sex symbol status. From that perspective, it is less difficult to envision Abner Peacock as the flag bearer of the sexual revolution.
One theme that this film address in a rather unsubtle manner is the concept that sex symbols are media-created beasts. This is an idea with which I tend to agree. The general public does not know what is sexy unless Vogue, Cosmopolitan and Entertainment Tonight spoonfeeds it to them and slick handlers thrust the sexuality flavor of the day down its throat from every conceivable angle. Image is everything.
Through unlikely associations with a manipulative, independent, female journalist (played by Anne Francis) and a mobster kingpin (hilariously portrayed by veteran heavy B.S. Pulley), Dirty Abner’s popularity soars and he becomes Hugh Hefner, Rock Hudson, and the Beatles all wrapped up into one scrawny little package. Throughout the course of events, Abner never fully loses his grasp on his inner decency. Though he occasionally falls prey to Ralph Furleyish bouts of vanity (at one point he even proclaims, “I’m cursed with an abnormal sexual magnetism for women”, he remains a virtuous man and even maintains his virginity for his hometown sweetheart, Rose Ellen (Maggie Peterson whom some may remember from her frequent appearances on The Andy Griffith Show as Andy’s lovesick, hillbilly admirer).
STAGE IV: ???
It is painfully clear to any viewer of this film where Abner’s final “metamorphosis” must take him, although I won’t divulge the final destination.
The stellar effort of Knotts and his surprisingly strong supporting cast, the hilariously written script, the exquisite costume design (seeing Don Knotts adorned in ridiculous late 㣠s “high fashion” is pretty uproarious in and of itself), and the perfectly played “fish out of water” theme proved to me that there was life after Mayberry for Don Knotts.
I expect to receive some heat for bestowing five stars on this film. I’m sure there are many who feel that such accolades should be reserved for classic cinematic jewels such as Citizen Kane, Psycho, On the Waterfront, and Ernest Goes to Camp. But in my mind (unsophisticated though it may be), this film so thoroughly and completely fulfills its intended mission that I cannot push it aside. It entertains.
Abner Peacock's (Knotts) beloved bird-watcher's magazine The Peacock is in a financial crisis. Desperate to stay afloat Abner takes on new partner...More at NBC Universal
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