Nevermind the fact that a part of this movie made me laugh like hell, there is nothing in the world that could even possibly convince me into giving this thing a positive review, not even for all of the fruitiest and most colorful Fruity Pebbles in the whole wide world. I'm just not going to do, nor do I ever usually give positive nods to those heinous shot on video flicks of the late 80s and early 90s, which is a category that this most certainly falls under. This movie begs us to take them seriously, and they might as well be staring at us right into the camera and giving us a puppy dog look. But this movie is not a puppy dog. It is not all sweet and innocent. This movie has rabies. There is a 5 minute section of this film that wants you to love it so dearly and to walk right up to it and stroke its pretty little blood drenched fur and take it in as your own, but once you extend out your hand, you become completely aware of the rest of the film's 90 minute running time. Forget the 5 minutes. What's more important are those other minutes that will creep through your veins until you feel like one of the ill begotten hippies in "I Drink Your Blood." I'll admit that those 5 minutes, like a dog with rabies, has a nice glowing mane of fur. But forget the soft fur, when the large pointed teeth want to rip out your jugular.

Let me tell you a little bit about the 5 minutes of this film which actually do gain some kind of attention from the audience. This is around the last 5 minutes in the film, and it's reminiscent of the last section of "Caligula II: Messalina, Messalina." Both very similar and equally out of place, yet also hilarious. The last part of this film has a blood orgy that is extremely fierce and brutal, but it is shown in such a cartoonish way and so completely out of left field, that you can't help but laugh your head off, even when a child has a shotgun pointed at his head and the man pulls the trigger. That is just one of the many little images that flows throughout this scene. If you watch this with your kids, they'll never trust you again, especially if you're holding a gun. Now, I could go ahead and tell you that if you watch this film then to just skip right to the very end. But that's not the correct way to go. When looking at the last part of the movie, you have got to know that the rest of it has rabies. It's the right thing to do, and the safest thing too I might add. And when you're done watching it, take it out back behind the barn and shoot it.

This is a Troma Release, and whoever let this movie be graced with the Toxie Troma logo is probably the same person who felt that titles like "Girls School Screamers" and "Unspeakable" were also pure Troma material. This movie is so below Troma, and if you don't think that there is any logic whatsoever in that statement, then just watch the best of Troma and then watch any of the two films that I just mentioned, plus this one.

The only good thing that Troma has done with this film is give it a box cover that causes a lot of attention and some curiosity while walking through the video store. I'll admit that I was intrigued. For those of you who have not seen this box cover, basically it is a parody of school crosswalk signs, and on this sign it shows a young child stalking a soon to be victim with a knife. The background behind this sign is pitch black, and some of the font is written in blood. There is even a nice little warning label near the bottom of the box. Just looking at the thing makes one think that it's either going to be some slasher flick along the lines of "Devil Times Five," or some Larry Clark/Harmony Korine egofest. In the end, it really is a little something like "Devil Times Five" (which is the best movie where Leif Garrett plays a 10 year old transvestite), but is so god awful in the most embarrassing of ways that I actually yearned for the night that I suffered through "Blood on Satan's Claw."

A young boy camps with his father at the beginning of the film, and things appear to be going just swell for the guys. That is until one event leads to another and the father gets his foot caught in a bear trap. Not knowing what to do at all, the kid just lets his father die, causing him to have to fend for himself and survive in the woods for the next several years. I guess walking until he found a street wasn't an option. I remember being this kid's age. Living in the woods would haunt my nightmares. I had "Super Mario Brothers" to beat. Plus, this isn't "The Blair Witch Project," he wouldn't have gone around in circles, and if he had found help, he wouldn't have caused "Beware! Children At Play" to have been made.

In the present time, several children begin to disappear in a nearby town. It's the kind of town where you expect a hot pie to be cooling off in every single window sill. That is until some mysterious murders begin to occur as well. The children are now part of a cult of murderous tykes who have enough strength to unconvincingly hack apart bodies left and right. The only help in stopping them comes from a local sheriff and one of his old friends. Naturally their own daughters become involved with the Manson Family Juniors.

This is a horrible horrible film, and I honestly feel that I'm almost going too easy on it and not getting as near mad enough as maybe I should, but you know what. A movie like "Beware! Children At Play" doesn't deserve my fuming temper in a way that movies like "Cabin Fever" or "I Spit On Your Corpse, I P*ss On Your Grave" do. There is no potential from the people who made this film. They don't give a damn about what they're making, they just want to lure in some sucker like me to buy their half assed product. So why should I give a damn about how harsh I insult them. Just look at the effects in this film. Look at them and study them, and you will know exactly how much contempt that these people have for the gore genre. There is a scene in this movie where a Bible salesman is cut in half which probably ranks up there with one of the worst gore shots I've ever seen in a horror film. Looking at this scene not only makes you truly appreciate the pure genius of Joe Pilato's "Day of the Dead" death scene, but it also makes you want to build a holy golden alter to Tom Savini.

In the midst of all of the horrendous effects and acting and just about any other technical aspect that has to do with this movie, I can picture people out there going and renting this thing just because of those 5 minutes that bring tears to your eyes from vast amounts of laughter. Whether you fast forward to that particular scene, or you're just going to watch the whole thing in its entirety, you're truly getting what you deserve. I know I did. Like I said though, the box does however have a warning, but sadly it doesn't warn you that this movie is pure grade worm infested crap lingering in the bottom cracks of a spoiled stiff pound meat.

Troma's DVD for the movie supposedly contains a Behind the Scenes segment, and I have no clue if it's talking about this film, another film, or just a look inside Troma studios. Knowing Troma it could be any one of those things. But a Behind the Scenes feature may be worth checking out. I personally would want to know how they created some of the worst effects ever, and one of the funniest scenes of child bloodshed.

Recommended: No