Once in a while a film has come along that contains an excellent portrayal, I'm told, of how I would act in certain situations. If I had ever joined the Secret Service and been assigned to save the world from a deadly threat, I'd be very similar to Leslie Nielsen's Dick Steele in Spy Hard. I don't consider this an insult; at age forty I've decided that I want to be Leslie Nielsen when I grow up. I'm told I don't have far to go.

Nielsen's movies are true gems to someone like myself who loves slapstick comedy, sight gags, biting satire, and ironic and silly spoofs of other films. Spy Hard is no exception to the rule.

Leslie Nielsen stars at Dick Steele, retired agent WD-40 of "The Agency". Years previous to his retirement, Steele took on an assignment with partner Victoria Dahl (Stephanie Romanov) to prevent the evil General Rancor (Andy Griffith)from destroying the world. Steele managed to stop Rancor, but Agent Dahl was accidently killed in the process. Steele was demoralized, and after botching an attempt to shield the President of the United States from what he thought was an assassination attempt (more accurately, a kid with a popping balloon, after which Steele rammed the President's head into the rear panel of his limousine several times trying to shove him into the back seat)Steele resigned from the Agency.

Anyhow, years, later, Agency agent Barbara Dahl (Stephanie Romanov again)daughter of Victoria, discovers General Rancor alive and well (except for a set or two of artificial arms to replace the ones that had blown off in the explosion of his helicopter years before; "Big arms! Pretty Arms! I've got arms up the wazoo!") and plotting world conquest again. Dahl is captured, and The Agency Director (Charles Durning) receives a videotape from General Rancor announcing his nefarious plot to extort billions of dollars from the nations of the world or cause cataclysmic destruction. The Director decides to call a reluctant Steele out of retirement to face Rancor again.

It's not an easy task: Steele is assisted by Agent 3.14, Veronique Ukrinsky,(Nicolette Sheridan) whose father, Professor Ukrinsky,(Elya Baskin) has developed a microchip that Rancor wants. Steele not only has to find the vanished Professor Ukrinsky and his chip, but rescue Barbara Dahl and stop Rancor's plan.

Any Nielsen movie is nuts for sight gags, ridiculous parodies, and slapstick moments. Spy Hard delivers delicious send-ups of movies including Speed, (with Ray Charles in a goofy cameo as a Los Angeles city bus driver)Pulp Fiction, (Nielsen doing the Travolta dance sequence just has to be seen)Home Alone(Mason Gamble as Macaulay Culkin clone Agent McCluckey) Sister Act, (Steele in nun's habit at a convent attached to a private hospital leads the choir in a rousing rendition of "Shout" as he dodges gunmen and searches for Agent 3.14; the nuns get involved in this one themselves as the Mother Superior yells out "Sisters, Make 'em holy!" and they open fire on Steele and his pursuers with automatic weapons) and more.

Sight gags are just as numerous: As Barbara Dahl is sneaking around Rancor's jungle compound, we hear roars, chirps, and squeals of various animals; these, apparently, are coming from a guard practicing from a book titled "Jungle Sounds for Guards"; as Steele battles with Rancor and his men in the final climactic scenes, he indulges in a little tag-team help from Hulk Hogan, and also Dr. Joyce Brothers, who throws a wicked punch; The automatic countdown to Rancor's launch of a deadly satellite is provided by a woman standing at a microphone and frequently checking her watch, and several others that must be viewed to be appreciated.

I love the James Bond series parody running throughout the movie as well; The Agency Director's secretary is a "Miss Moneypenny" doppelganger named "Miss Cheevus", the head of Weapons R&D (Q of Q Branch in the Bond films)is a man named "Noggin", the Director has no other name, he is just "Director", and so on.

Leslie Nielsen is at his best in this film. I like to think that if Buster Keaton in his prime had worked with sound rather than silent films, the result would've been very much like Nielsen's work. No matter what is going on around him, Nielsen's Dick Steele soldiers gamely on, deadpan, straightforward, and determined to get the job done. He is the single sane man in a lunatic world, and he pulls it off without a hitch.

Andy Griffith is obviously enjoying himself immensely as General Rancor, and manages to infuse the character with a sort of "down-home malevolence" with an edge of maniacal glee. Whether he's beating up a mime "shoot him, and remember to use the silencer" or running for his life after he's lost his artificial limbs (yelling "don't hurt me;I'm unarmed!")this is his character, and he's absolutely the best fit.

Nicolette Sheridan is cool as Veronique Ukrinsky, Agent 3.14. She's sultry, sensual, and not bad at the pratfall. (This is a necessary skill in a Nielsen film)She's a good choice to compliment Nielsen's bumbling Dick Steele.

Charles Durning deserves marks for a very straight portrayal of the hyper-paranoid "Director". Throughout the film the man disguises himself as a shuttered window, his own desk, his office carpeting, and a large chair, which Steele sits on, actually, "smoking" the Director out of hiding via strategic flatulence. Yes, you read that correctly...that is indeed what I said.

The only real con I think this movie has is how absolutely "busy" it is. There is always something happening, even in the quietest moments. Sight gags, slapstick moments, and little parodies are everywhere,(even in the credit roll after the end of the movie) and it's nearly impossible to see them all in just one viewing. This deserves to be seen over again more than once to catch every little nuance.

Spy Hard is one of the most memorable films in my collection; and is Leslie Nielsen in some of his finest moments. It definitely deserves repeated views.

yours until I am off on another mission to somewhere I can't disclose for reasons I can't reveal;

Hugh U. Kidden






Recommended:
Yes

Viewing Format: VHS
Video Occasion: Fit for Friday Evening
Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 13 and Older