Pros: Funny, Erotic, Kareem Elseify, J.J. North
Cons: No Real Boobs, Drama
Sub-categories: Slapstick, Erotic
Setting: A Bikini Hotel
Laugh Factor: Ridiculously Funny
Look-at-these: Substantial Nudity
Synopsis: Samantha Vance inherits a rundown hotel from the father that abandoned her as a child. With the help of her brother Remote and his friend Sty, she turns the Tiki Hotel into the Bikini Hotel. When their success spells failure for the upscale hotel across the street, the Lingerie Hotel is born and a battle of the boobs begins.
Title: A hotel with bikinis, minus the bikini tops.
Analysis: Bikini Hotel defines low-budget, but Director/Surfer Jeff Frey (Bloodthirsty, The Protector) still manages to put on a good show. The acting is atrocious and the sets are scanty, but the women are beautiful and the story is delightfully laughable.
J.J. North (Attack of the 60-Foot Centerfold, Hellblock 13) is rigid on stage, failing repeatedly to carry the drama of a young Samantha Vance who has lost her father without ever knowing him. Luckily, she's a cute blonde that makes up in cleavage what she lacks in talent. The scripting of such a sluggish sexually-frustrated character is probably more responsible for the awkwardness than North herself. A peppy plaything would better suit a lighthearted film and its sexual overtures. Samantha's flawed character is partially balanced by the goofy and lovable Sty (Kareem Elseify). Elseify has an electric magnetism that is reminiscent of Animal from The Muppets, bringing an excitement to the film that is otherwise lacking. Tim Lovestedt is miserable as the Sam's obnoxious brother and Paul Hannum is lackluster as Samantha's love-interest and competitor. Thankfully this mediocrity is salvaged with, you guessed it, more beautiful women.
1993's Penthouse Pet of the Year Julie Strain (The Bare Wench Project, Sex Court: The Movie) is the film's greatest ASSet, baring more than just her large breasts. She delights in her roles as double-agent and would be dominatrix. The sight of Strain with a spaghetti whip is worth the price of admission. Allow her dozens of film credits to speak for themselves. C.C. Costigan (credited as Katie Coburn; Vegas Vacation, Wildflower)has a nice body, but brings little else to the table. Fantasia's (credited as Tonya Manley) breasts are gargantuan and scream overkill, but her appearance is brief enough to avoid distraction. Her pictures have appeared in dozens of adult magazines, from Juggs to Hustler's Busty Beauty, as well as countless sites on the internet.
Bikini Hotel cleverly imbibes a reenactment of J.J. North's role as the 60-foot centerfold (watch the miniature golf scene carefully) and humorously parodies kung-fu films with a gropey fight scene between Strain and Elseify. The comedy is raunchy, overripe with slapstick and innuendo. Alongside some stunning prop comedy, including a voracious vacuum cleaner, are some memorable lines like "Did I ever tell you about the worst blowjob I ever had? It too was excellent." The bizarre sound effects add an additional layer of humor, but can be a tad disturbing at times. Overall, the humor is as tacky as the sets, but enjoyable all the same.
My one major complaint about Bikini Hotel, aside from some stiff acting, is the complete lack of real breasts. Swimsuit model Tina-Desiree Berg, perhaps the only natural beauty, remains clad -- albeit scantily at times. It's almost as though the movie was shot in an alternate dimension where the laws of gravity no longer apply.
Special Features: Trailers and Interviews.
Final Comments: Bikini Hotel is a fun watch. The outrageous comedy and beautiful women counterbalance the rigid acting and low-budget editing. If you're in the mood for raunchy, saline-enhanced fun then Bikini Hotel is the place to go.