Geesh, I had forgotten just how creepy a movie The Stepford Wives really is. I watched the old clunker on AMC tonight, and was surprised to discover it held up pretty well. Taken in the context of its time, it's even scarier.

Has there ever been an idea Hollywood jumped on with more alacrity and glee than this one? What could be better than being able to upgrade your cranky, PMS ridden old wife to a placid, obedient, lives-to-please you new model? Is there a man in the world who wouldn't jump on that bandwagon? (If there is, please send me his phone number immediately, and try to find out if he would accept an e-mail proposal, or is going to insist on an in-person meeting first...)

Ira Levin published his novel, "The Stepford Wives" in 1972, and the dramatic rights were snatched up by Anchor Bay Entertainment. They quickly pumped out their movie version of the same title, starring a scintillating Katherine Ross as Joanna Eberhart, a disenchanted suburban housewife, and a balding, pasty-faced Peter Masterson as Walter, her even more disenchanted husband.

There we were in the Seventies, with women burning their bras, using, eek! birth control, embracing the summer of love and exerting, finally, some modicum of control over our own lives and destinies. It was intolerable, I tell you, and something had to be done to put us back in our places, and quickly. So Hollywood came out with possibly the most misogynistic mainstream movie that's ever been committed to film, and it sure taught us gals a lesson. Be good, dutiful, complacent, selfless, devoted, hard-working and above all, BEAUTIFUL, sexy wives...or else!

If you're thinking that such an obviously biased film wouldn't appeal to the masses, think again. It grossed more than $4,000,000 during its theatrical run, a princely sum for that time. Talk about the ultimate cheap date! Men flocked to see their fantasies of unquestioned male domination fulfilled. And its impact continues to this day. You doubt that? Then why, 25 years later, is the phrase "Stepford Wife" still used to denote a woman who seems too devoted to her domestic duties?

As the movie opens, we see Joanna sitting dejectedly in a spacious empty apartment in the heart of Manhattan. Hubby has unilaterally decided to move her, her dog, and their two kiddos out to suburbia, to the verdant hamlet of Stepford, Connecticut, to be exact. This is the last place on Earth that Joanna, an aspiring photographer, wants to be. But Walter has specially picked this burg, for reasons which ultimately become clear. Joanna doesn't much like the domestic goddess routine, and early on, we are led to believe that's a bad, selfish thing for any woman to eschew. How dare she try to have priorities of her own?

Before long, Joanna begins to realize that there is something very wrong in Stepford. The women, who are all very beautiful and slender, shop for groceries in full makeup, wearing hats, sexy sundresses and white gloves. They cook elaborate meals from scratch while wearing lace aprons. They constantly sing the praises of domesticity, about which they know everything, yet, they don't know the meaning of a simple word like archaic. They are slavishly devoted to their husbands, and lavishly compliment their spouse's slightest achievement. The Stepford husbands, who are a loutish lot, are all defective in some obvious physical way, either fat or stupid or stuttering or downright ugly. They spend ALL their spare time at the eponymously named Men's Association, but doing what?

I had to laugh when I read a review on the Internet, written by a man, which claimed that this movie proves that women were smarter than men and therefore threatening to them.He writes that's the reason why the Stepford husbands harbored murderous intent toward their spouses. I only want to know one thing; if these gals are so smart, why are they all walking around like zombies, while their "dumb" husbands loll around the pool waiting for their next beer? The reviewer says the fact that the women in the movie are beautiful and the men are "unattractive, insecure wimps" proves that the movie makers "hate men."

Well, uh, gee. Who's still alive when the credits roll?

Joanna and her friend, Bobbie (Paula Prentiss) think something in the water is causing the town's women to act robotic, but before they can take their research very far, Bobbie goes away with her husband for the weekend. When she returns, she has undergone a remarkable transformation, from a wise-cracking, irreverent mess to an, ahem, Stepford Wife. That's when Joanna starts to get really scared, and so will you.

British director Brian Forbes has infused The Stepford Wives with a sustained creepiness, despite an uneven script by the usually reliable William Goldman, who adapted Levin's book. It probably works because we don't ever actually see what is happening to the women until the very end of the movie. We have to guess at it, just like Joanna. But the movie's tension is partially derailed by the fact that it is overlong, and some of the scenes and dialog are dopey, even making allowances for the times. However, there are some clues for the astute watcher, notably the scene early on when Joanna shoots some pictures of a man carrying a naked mannequin, and the introduction of Patrick O'Neal's character, Dale, with the clever aside that he used to work at Disneyland on, um, animatronics.

The film has a somewhat faded look to it, which seems to be pretty typical of movies of that time. I'm assuming the flat color palette has something to do with the stock that was in use back then, because I've seen lots of seventies movies with this same look.

Paula Prentiss turns in a terrific performance as the smart-mouthed Bobbie; I was really aggravated when she got hard-wired. The movie lost its crackling energy when she started devoting herself to scrubbing her kitchen counters. I also didn't like the explicitly stated idea that women who had ideals, ambitions and goals of their own were incompatible with blissful domesticity.

There is a truly horrific surprise ending, which I will not give away here. Suffice it to say, The Stepford Wives probably caused more than a few domestic squabbles when it was first released, and still has that power today, especially since the woman's movement that promised us so much then has pretty much died now. What we are left with is a world that is worse, not better. Women still make about thirty percent less than men with equivalent training and experience. The last few dates I had, before I decided to swear off, the "gentlemen" seemed to think since they had bought me dinner, I was supposed to pony up with my sexual favors.

I for one, miss the small courtesies. I liked having a man hold open a door for me, and help me with my coat. I guess you could say I'm archaic...

Archaic? Hmm, where's that's dictionary? Oh, wait. Silly me! I don't need to know the meaning of archaic. It's time for me to get the cookies out of the oven. What was I thinking? Wasting good time writing an Epinion when there's laundry to be done...




Recommended: Yes