Plot Details: This opinion reveals minor details about the movie's plot.

Santa With Muscles was released in 1996, much to the delight of Hulk Hogan fans and to the horror of moviegoers with any taste. To describe this film as "lame" is an understatement but if you add useless and sad to that description, you have almost hit the nail on the head.

This is my submission to the Kill Me Now write-off hosted by Kris-Kochanski and Dantesguide. The idea behind the write-off is for people to be paired up with a partner and select a film for that partner to view that you consider to be one of the worst films of all times. My partner, Destinys-Child, thought it would be amusing to subject me to 96 minutes of Hulk Hogan's pathetic attempts at acting and so it was. Little did Destinys-Child know that I like crappy films and this definitely fit the bill.

Santa With Muscles doesn't even come close to being as good as 'Jingle All The Way', which was also released in 1996 and starred Arnold Schwartzenegger. Apparently 1996 was a year that filmmakers decided audiences were desperate for films with muscle bound macho men displaying their holiday spirit.

Millionaire Blake Thorne (Hulk Hogan), who spends his spare time playing militant style games to keep fit, is a mean spirited little rascal that takes great pleasure in belittling his staff and torturing his housekeepers by including them in his twisted fitness games. It is my assumption that the writers wanted Hogan's character to be similar to Scrooge.

Blake has made his fortune selling health products -big surprise right? When one of Blake's rousing games (this time paintball) gets out of hand, the police are summoned and he flees with the cops hot on his tail. These are cops that went to the Keystone Cops academy and what crappy film would be complete without an appearance by none other than Clint Howard, Ron's younger, uglier, and talent impaired brother, who portrays police officer Hinkley. In an effort to avoid the cops, Blake ducks into the local shopping mall and decides to throw on a Santa. Smart thinking hot shot! That makes perfect sense -I mean afterall, that fifty dollars in bail would have been hard to scrape up what with all those millions of dollars.

Okay, so Blake is putting on the Santa suit and whacks his head, causing him to forget that he is the rich vitamin pusher but instead thinks he is Santa Claus. His first task as Santa was to foil a robbery inside the mall when thieves attempt to steal monies that were donated to a local orphanage. Santa Blake is a big hit with the orphanage owner, Leslie (Robin Curtis), and along with his elf sidekick, Lenny (Don Stark), they make accept her invitation to visit. The sly Lenny has his own plan in mind and that includes taking advantage of the amnesia ridden Blake by getting his hooks into all of his money. Will he succeed?

Blake learns that Ebner Frost (Ed Begley Jr.) wants to take over the orphanage and benefit from a cave full of valuable crystals on the property. Santa Blake, along with the Leslie, the children, sidekick Lenny, and the orphanage caretaker Clayton (Garrett Morris - Saturday Night Live) decide to battle the evil Frost to save the orphanage. But will they win or will Lenny join the evil Frost and foil the plan?

For the ending to this non-award winning movie, you will just have to head to your local rental store or used video shop to get a copy. I don't think I would be spoiling it for you if I shared that the movie of course has a happy ending with the good guys winning but you expected that right?

If you enjoy more traditional holiday films then this is definitely not for you. But if you prefer a Springer style Christmas then run don't walk to your nearest video store. What other holiday movie can you think of that includes a California style Christmas complete with a Santa dressed in a sleeveless suit and sporting leather gloves? Not to mention all the physical violence (slapstick style) that they toss in just for good measure.

For links to other participant reviews visit www.angelfire.com/film/soup or by member name listed below:

kris-kochanski & dantesguide
abazur & kung_fu_chimp
destinys-child & phineaskc
mrreevolution & jeff_wilder78
mattels & kuuleimomi
matt_harney & cartman_2k
james23 & soothsayer
psychovant & telynor
d. markusen & bigmatt
three_ster & mrsnormanmaine
sampo24 & purplewiz
tibullus & cjrmen12



Recommended: No

Viewing Format: VHS
Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 9 - 12