For a bit of an introduction, this review is part of Shadow8's Freestyle Halloween Write-Off. This is a rather free and liberal Write-off in which members of encouraged to write about anything remotely Halloween related (ok, so I'm paraphrasing just a little bit). Check out Shadow8's homepage for more information [1])

I recently went to the local rental joint (ok, its not local at all, it was a Blockbuster) and was in the mood for something the likes of which I hadn't seen before. Instead of perusing through the New Releases and the like, I ended up deciding (with a little persuasion from my girlfriend) to check out the Horror section.

After a bit of perusal and noticing the fact that all sorts of movies that I considered horror (more of the classical horror genre including the likes of Hitchcock, Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte et al) I realized that the section was mostly filled with the slasher movies of the 70's and 80's (admittedly, there were some others in there, but for the most part these were left out). We ended up deciding that we would get a movie that neither of us had seen and were both at least a little interested in. The movie which fit this bill was Snow White.

STOP RIGHT THERE!!!

Just because you happen to think that I picked up the Disney version of this movie (which can actually be considered a little scary in your own right), at least give the people at Blockbuster a little bit of credit in the fact that they wouldn't put the Disney cartoon in a section with all of the other slasher flicks that you can think of.

In actuality, this happened to be Snow White : A Tale of Terror which ostensibly seemed to be more true to the original fairy tale of Snow White by the Brothers Grimm (or whichever version it happened to be, I did a little bit of research and found quite a few different versions, however, if you would like, you can get a copy of the fairy tales written by Grimm at Project Gutenberg[2]). I found a few other versions of the fairy tale out there, some attributed to the Grimms while some weren't, so I'll actually let you do your own search and find whichever version you want. I will say, however, that there seems to be a common theme of naming children "Snow White" in these fairy tales, I guess it was just a popular name back then.


Enter trumpet players in a triumphant fanfare!!!
Hey there, we didn't come to read a dissertation on naming techniques in old German fairy tales, so let's get one with a bit about the movie!!!

You have a point, my fair and gentle reader (apologies to those who are neither fair, gentle and neither fair nor gentle at the same time), and its about time that I actually talked a bit about this abomination that was actually called a movie by those who created it (did I let my feelings out a bit too early on this one?). Let me start you off with the plot, which you probably already have a good grasp on since you are at least marginally aware of the fairy tale which is Snow White and which was made famous by Walt Disney.

Lord Hoffman is heading towards home in a stagecoach with his wife Liliana, who is very pregnant and is actually very close to giving birth at this point. However, the stagecoach is attacked by evil demon dogs, which I am sure were purebred and trained properly by the demonic owners to attack stagecoaches for the purpose of plot advancement. During the process of this attack, Liliana is mortally wounded and has Lord Hoffman perform an emergency C-section to save the baby, which meant that she would die (quite often the case in a place without proper surgical methods, anesthetic, etc, etc). The little girl is born, named after her mother, and has an adoring father figure.

Enter the wicked stepmother (aka Lady Claudia, aka Signourney Weaver), who comes as a woman who is obviously part of a family that was on the skirts of society, but is going to marry Lord Hoffman. This happens (including a disturbing wedding bed scene - at least it was disturbing for me), and little Liliana is a bit miffed and then becomes the normal psycho "you're not my real mother" teenager rebelling against the stepmother (note the fact that the stepmother is not portrayed as evil or wicked until this point).

The point of real conflict comes later in the film, as Claudia has become pregnant and is getting ready to bear a child for Lord Hoffman (which obviously incites a bit of jealousy in Liliana). Due to some complications with the pregnancy, the baby ends up being born stillborn and Claudia is rightfully crushed in spirit. However, at this point her psychotic tendencies begin to show a bit, as she was already a bit obsessed with being beautiful, she is now hell bent on being the most beautiful thing in the world and the sole point of attention for her husband.

Insert dramatic music here.


The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Since you're not going to talk about the plot anymore, why don't you hit us up with some of the good and bad points of the movie.

Well, I'm not one who really likes to get going into the plot so that the movie is ruined for the viewer. I believe that the information I have provided will not really ruin the film experience for you (not that it really could be ruined, as I didn?t like the movie all that much and would have a hard time believing that someone might be really enthralled with the movie, however the other ratings on this movie show me otherwise).

There were some really cool parts of the movie, the first of which being the cinematography. I'm always a sucker for cinematography, just for pure aesthetical appeal. My personal thought is many of the things that I liked because I thought they looked cool were supposed to be creepy looking and the like. For instance, I really liked the way that the dark colored blood flowed over the snow in the opening sequence; I think that the contrast of the colors was very impressive.

However, this is not to say that the camerawork was really all that good, it just had its moments. As the movie begun to drag on to its inevitable conclusion, there were many points where I would look at the camerawork and just wonder, as there was nothing else really to do. It was almost as if they had used up their entire budget and were left with some camera trickery in an attempt to make some of the shots look good. Their goal was to make the movie look a lot better, the end result was that it ended up looking a bit amateur (in my not so humble opinion).

The one thing that went really well for them was the makeup work on Sigourney Weaver. When the transformed her into the evil old witch woman, I at first did not recognize her (it didn't take too long to figure out, with the already known plot going in my direction), but even when I did, I had to be impressed with the amount of time and effort that went into creating her in the likeness of this monster.

There were other really bad points in the movie as well. The acting was rather atrocious, but there weren't any moments that I had to sit back and laugh at, it was just generally bad in an overall and general sort of way (how about that for really getting to the meat of the matter). There were also some other themes that were presented in the movie that didn't seem to really go anywhere or have any point.

For instance, there was the relationship between Liliana and Will (Gil Bellows - Shawshank Redemption, Ally McBeal). All of the dialog in this is heavily laden with class struggle and the like (complete with dramatic dialog of how he was oppressed by the upper class), which really goes nowhere in the end. It was just there for the sake of having more dramatic things to talk about and to seem more important than it really was. It was during moments like this that I really had a hard time keeping my laughter down.

The last bad point that I will bring up (and perhaps the most important one) was that I thought this movie just dragged its pathetic butt to the end, and kicking and screaming at that. It was almost as if they were really just trying to make it longer so that the producers would be able to say that they made a full length film rather than a short film. I really couldn?t believe the number of times that I was just itching in my seat to move and do anything else besides watch this movie. However, being the type of person that I am (I have never walked out on a movie), I stuck through it all, even though it came pretty close by the end of the show.


Conclusions
Honestly, I can say that I didn't care for this movie at all. I didn't think that the action scenes were all that good, the suspense was pretty much lacking, and the movie just tried to take itself much more seriously than it ever should have attempted. In the end, if they would have tried to make themselves a simple little slasher flick, the world would have been a much better place.




Footnotes...

1 -- http://www.epinions.com/user-shadow8
2 -- http://www.promo.net/pg


Recommended:
No

Viewing Format: VHS
Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 13 and Older