It Was Twenty Years Ago Today September 1989, and the final season of Doctor Who's initial twenty-six year run launched with a blaze of indifference on a country which just didn't care about the errant Time Lord any more. Scheduled against Coronation Street, and faced with dwindling audiences and very public fan criticism of 7th Doctor, Sylvester McCoy, the writing was on the wall for the show, pretty much.
Which is a shame, as the final run of 13 episodes was the most consistent the show had had in years. Battlefield, the opening four-parter, is generally held up as the weakest story, but... well, read on. Lethbridge-Stewart taught the troops to slay Medieval knights are roaming the English countryside, hacking at each other with broadswords, and also blasting each other with advanced grenades and energy pistols. A nuclear missile convoy has taken a short cut through a nature reserve and archaeological dig (this is Doctor Who, it probably made sense at the time). And the TARDIS has received a strange distress call. Who are you gonna call?
Brigadier Alastair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart dons his UNIT uniform one last time as soon as he hears the Doctor is back. The Doctor and Ace team up with a publican, an archaeologist, Ancelyn (a knight from another dimension, of course), some random girl and Brigadier Winifred Bambera, UNIT's new UK commander. They must protect Excalibur from the sorceress Morgaine and her 'half-man' son Mordred. As Morgaine raises the stakes ever higher, perhaps it really is the hour of Britain's greatest need. Perhaps it is time for Arthur's return.
They've been going in and out of style This is the product of the late 1980s, and it shows. From Shou Yuing's red leggings to Bambera's bizarre military afro. The music is frequently plinking synth horror. Forget all that. Battlefield isn't perfect, but it's a lot of fun.
The two biggest problems are down to a disparity between the script and what we actually see on screen. The knights do look pretty stupid, in full armour of the kind you generally see at Medieval re-enactments. Originally the armour was supposed to be more robotic, Transformers was mentioned as a design inspiration. Presumably the money ran out and the team settled for the more traditional armour. Fair enough, but they left in lines where Ace asks if an unconscious knight is an android, and then there's the infamous 'flying knight' moment (Ancelyn is blown through a roof following a grenade explosion. It's supposed to show that he jumped in powered armour and was then caught in the blast, but as the armour doesn't look powered in any way, the whole thing looks stupid).
The second goes the other way. Morgaine summons the Destroyer for the Episode 3 cliffhanger, a monstrous blue demon that will destroy the world should she release it from its silver shackles. The Destroyer is, without doubt, one of the most effective monsters ever seen in Doctor Who, but it's woefully under-used. Why? He was supposed to have a far bigger role but the script editor was worried the design department would come back with a rubbish monster, so cut it down. By the time they realised what a beautiful creation they'd got, it was too late to go back to the original script. He dribbles, he sneers, he gets shot, he's great. He could appear in a David Tennant episode and no one would comment on his quality. A wasted opportunity, sadly.
But they're guaranteed to raise a smile Mostly, though, it's action all the way. Knights charging around battering each other with broadswords. Knights fighting UNIT troops, with loads of explosions and soldiers cartwheeling through the air. Brigadier Bambera driving a car with her feet while firing a machine gun through the sunroof a 2CV. CGI snakes knocking the Doctor around underground spaceships.
This would all be fairly disposable stuff, but Battlefield is elevated by the constant suggestion that the Doctor might in fact be Merlin, which adds a nice twist to the usual Doctor Who format. And then, there are just the sheer number of ice-cold pimp ninjas among the characters (it's a technical term). Who is the baddest awesomepot in Battlefield? Let's take a look: Ancelyn - played by Marcus Gilbert, this posh knight's flowing blond locks might make him look a bit girly, but he takes a brewery roof to the head in the first episode and still comes out fighting, taking out dozens of Morgaine's troops with just a sword. And no armour. Loses points for using too much conditioner, though. Brigadier Winifred Bambera - Possibly Angela Bruce's finest hour. This black, female brigadier is so awesome she can drive with her feet while machine-gunning a roadblock through the sunroof. She does seem to keep leaving her beret lying around though. And her gun. Sloppy. Morgaine - she might be a baddy Queen from a parallel Earth, but Jean Marsh's Morgaine is a decent old stick, really. She shoots helicopters out of the sky with her fingers just for fun, and rapes people's brains in pubs, but she'll cure your blindness if you ask her nicely, and her heart's just not in genocide. Mordred - Christopher Bowen, who I thought was very good, but I don't think I've ever seen him in anything else. Mordred's a bit of a scruffy, unshaven lout next to proto-Legolas Ancelyn, so it's no wonder the two are bitter enemies. Mordred's very sensitive to jokes about his Mum, but he does rather invite them by banging on about her all the time. He can, however, drink you under the table. Seriously. And he's got a mad skills evil laugh. Brigadier Alastair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart - If the Doctor is Merlin in this Arthurian tale, there's no doubt that the Brigadier is Arthur, the old warrior returning in his country's hour of greatest need. He's put on a few pounds and makes the odd Lethal Weapon comment about being too old for this s***, but just as he's starting to look like a reject from Dad's Army he sticks a gun to Mordred's head and calmly threatens to blow his brains out. He faces off against a planet-eating demon and there's absolutely never any doubt about who'll win. If you shoot the Brig in a dream, you'd better wake up and apologise.
Battlefield is all-out, faintly cheesy fun, shot through with nostalgia for the 'golden era' of 1970s UNIT with the iconic figure of the Brigadier. It's incredibly fast-paced, and a perfect introduction to classic Doctor Who for the younger generation used to Mr Tennant. The DVD came out at the end of 2008, and has an RRP of £19.99. I got it for £6.58 from Amazon a couple of months ago - it pays to shop around...
This is a film only review at present but I will hope to update it to include the DVD features. Let's just say they're underwhelming so far, to the point where I can't sit through them for long enough to review them.
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