I HATE 'THE MATRIX'!!!!

There, I've said it. Now as the majority of you go off to mark this review as not useful(You know you will!), the rest of you can read on as I try to justify my stance with clever, logical insights.

Let's start with the acting, which is uniformly dreadful. Even the usually consistent Laurence Fishburne (Morpheus) hams it up in this dire turkey fest. Once again, Keanu Reeves (Neo/Thomas Anderson) seems unable to deliver a single line that doesn't end in the word 'dude'! Honestly, I think I've only ever seen him deliver two good performances in his life (The Devils Advocate and The Replacements, although the latter was a bit dudey, too). The rest of the cast are all as wooden as oak with the exception of Hugo Weaving (Agent Smith) as a hilariously vindictive computer program out to stop Neo and Morpheus. These acting performances are something only the likes of Ed Wood could be proud of.

Now onto the plot, what there is of it. It's a mixture of Manga comics, dystopian sci-fi, kung fu movies and faux 'Alice In Wonderland' philosophy. It never really works and beneath it all is a subtle homoerotic subtext (Hence the op's title). For those of you wondering what the hell I'm talking about, allow me to explain :

Neo, is a young man uncertain about his life, something is wrong but he doesn't know what it is. Enter Morpheus, the sugar daddy, who wants to to make Neo his before Agent Smith moves in on him. He invites Neo to his giant mansion where he is surrounded by lot's of younger people (Only two of whom are women. The blonde one looks like she's aching to get into a pair of dungarees and Carrie-Anne Moss as Trinity is Morpheus' obligatory f*g-hag). Once there, Morpheus gives Neo a pill (Rohypnol?). Neo wakes up Naked, Shaved and covered in sticky goo (Does it get any more obvious?). Agent Smith (Weaving), a repressed formally gay man tries to stop Neo from turning but has secret longings for Morpheus and eventually drugs him and ties him to a chair (bondage). Also, they all have a penchant for leather clothes. The scene where Neo asks for 'guns, lots of guns' is a metaphor for sex aids as he gets Trinity to go with him to the metaphorical sex shop now that he's chosen to embrace his sexual identity and be with Morpheus (His teacher/lover). It's blatantly obvious when you look at it!

The special effects are all very impressive the first time you see them and are the highlight of the film. But, as Jonathan Ross once said, 'You can't polish a turd!'.

I wouldn't recommend this film to anyone. I'd rather watch Dave Letterman play Macbeth!

Recommended:
No

Viewing Format: VHS
Video Occasion: None of the Above
Suitability For Children: Not suitable for Children of any age