"My Swing Choir against yours-Mano A Mano!"

In the "cult film" community, opinion is badly split on the merits of the television show MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000. For every one of its fans (like myself) who find it a funny and generally cheerful take on the more wretched examples of the B-movie realm, there are those who despise it for encouraging talking during movies and a general attitude of cynicism towards the more flawed, if unusual, types of genre films. Their case was greatly boosted by the release of MST3K: The Movie, which was both an injustice to the show and to the movie it spoofed: THIS ISLAND EARTH.

However, the show's writers were always careful, both in the show itself and in the Episode Guide, to distinguish between levels of badness in the films they screened, and to give credit to the -good- aspects of the "bad" films, unlike the Medved's indiscriminate assults on movies they barely paid attention to. That, plus the show's willingness to take a minority viewpoint rather than pander, helps explain its appeal.

MST3K's basic format, for those of you who've never seen it, is essentially similar to the old "horror host" format with one notable exception. The host (either Joel Hodgson or Michael J. "Mike" Nelson) has been marooned on a space-ship and and subjected to a mind-numbing barrage of bad movies by an eclectic mix of mad scientists (the most prominent being Dr. Clayton Forrester-Trace Beaulieu). In order to retain his sanity, the host has recourse to the aid of a group of robots he's created, including Crow T. Robot (Beaulieu) and Tom Servo (Kevin Murphy). They perform skits ("host segments") before and during the movies, just as Zacherely and the old 50's horror hosts used to do. However, they also sit in on the -entire- movie and add a running commentary on the film, critiquing both the on-screen action and the skills [or lack of same] of the film-makers.

In this episode, their introductory sketch is among the all-time worst of the series, revolving around "Uranus" jokes that would be beneath Beavis and Butthead. Things pick up after a swing choir contest between Mike and the 'Bots vs. the Mad Scientists, and then we swing into the movie portion of the show.

"I'm making it for the Grand Wizard."

If the main feature was too short, the MST3K writers would often include educational or industrial shorts from the 50's and 60's to pad out the 90 minute running time of the film. Here we get "Why Study Industrial Arts," in which two extremely white Kansas high school basketball players debate the merits of shop classes. The basketball coach eventually steps in to straighten the kids out. MST3K is best when the modern sardonicism of the host and the 'Bots is contrasted with the leaden earnestness of just such movies. B-movies of the 80's (such as the terrible-on-all-levels BEING FROM ANOTHER PLANET) are already laughing up their sleeves at their own incompetence while being even more inane than older genre movies. Thus, they are generally the most painful and unrewarding films as a class for the MST3K crew, a fact that the writers allude to in the AMAZING COLOSSAL EPISODE GUIDE.

"Help me, Lord! I'm being sucked into the vortex of sport parachuting!"

In our main feature, THE SKYDIVERS (1963), we encounter torrid passions and base human desires set against the backdrop of extreme sports, 60's style. Harry and Beth Rowe (Tony Cardoza & Kevin Casey) own an airfield that supports itself by sport parachuting lessons on the weekends. As the film opens, Harry has fired his mechanic (the terminally moronic Frankie Bonner-Titus Moody {Moede}) for drinking on the job. He hires Joe Moss (Eric Tomlin), an old paratrooper buddy from Korea, to take his place. Joe has designs of replacing Harry, at least in the affections of Beth. Beth, for her part is torn between Joe's bland blond non-charm and her oily tick of a cheatin' husband. Yep, Harry himself has a wandering eye, and it has landed on local heiress Suzy Belmont (Marcia Knight) a smoky Ferengi-ish slattern of no discernible moral fiber. Suzy (this is beginning to resemble a dinner-theater version of LA RONDE) is cheating on Harry with Frankie(!), which says nothing good for her taste in men or the available pool of local gents.

Harry finally wises up and gives Suzy the brush, which motivates her to engage in dark plotting with Frankie. Meanwhile, Bowery Boys-wannabe Pete (Paul Francis) decides to do an illegal free-fall while parachuting and miscalculates, leaving him deader than a doornail and imperiling the airfield's FAA clearance. This inspires Suzy to sabotage Harry's chute during a night jump. With the reluctant help of Frankie, she seduces a pharmacist into giving her acid, which she then liberally sprinkles on Harry's silk.

Outside, a Junoesque blond throws an Iggy Pop-lookalike around with abandon during a hootenany led by Jimmy Bryant (the singing voice of Tony in WEST SIDE STORY) as a phony Scotsman, a Phil Rizzuto clone and a beatnik look on.


Harry goes to the big skydiving school in the sky, and Suzy and Frankie (wasn't that a 50's song?) are spotted leaving the scene of the crime. A hideously bloated fiend, resembling a demon-possessed Curly Howard (Coleman Francis-our auteur), helps gun down the fleeing pair in a fine example of "frontier justice." In the gripping finale, Beth gives Joe the brush-off and sells the school.

"Did someone with ADD edit this movie?"

Ahem.

Well.

Where to begin? Well, in cases of this type, it is often common practice to point out that Ed Wood wasn't the worst director in the history of film, with movies like this serving as an example. Unfortunately for Ed, he doesn't get out of responsibility for this one, as his protege Anthony Cardoza is both the producer and star of this little bit of cinematic slime. Getting his start as the "executive producer" of Wood's short teleplay THE FINAL CURTAIN (1957)[whose script Bela Lugosi was reading when he died, ironically enough], Cardoza later had a bit part in the Wood classic NIGHT OF THE GHOULS before linking up with Coleman Francis and infecting the film world with THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS [Tor Johnson's only starring vehicle] and RED ZONE CUBA. Tony credits Ed with teaching him everything he knew about the art of film, and it shows.

Our director, Coleman Francis, is widely regarded as one of Satan's minions on Earth by those in the know. Anton La Vey had nothing on this character. His films celebrate human depravity, contrast social pettiness with the ostensible joy of flight, and worship coffee as the ultimate artifact of Western culture. ("Coffee is a major plot point") Francis himself is such an unappealing screen presence that even Russ Meyer, known for his strong stomach in such matters, only let him have minor parts in -his- movies (MOTOR PSYCHO, BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS).

Titus, Titus, we hardly knew ye...

Titus Moede (billed here as "Moody"), whose ferret-like appeal gives SKYDIVERS a special edge as the idiot-for-love Frankie, was perhaps the most valiant fighter for independent films and adult entertainment among our dubious cast of characters. Alone among these jaspers, Titus actually made a movie of some social significance. His 1967 docudrama THE LAST AMERICAN HOBO focuses on his real-life rod-riding exploits with the last of the old-time hobo community. True to their ethic, he "paid as he went" by working as a still photographer and second-unit cameraman on adult movies while acting as an ambassador for B-movies and independent films wherever he could. His last public appearance was at the CULT MOVIES MAGAZINE convention last fall, where he received a Lifetime Achievement Award for his good-hearted efforts in behalf of the B-movie in all its forms. His death from cancer in February of this year was deeply felt in the cult movie community.

The film's editing is atrocious, with no continuity being developed at all and mis-matched scenes abounding, a common feature of Francis's canon. Kevin Casey and her hair helmet would never grace another film, while the rest of the cast (with the exception of Marcia Knight, who -does- try to act)is stolid and wooden. Only Paul Francis is still an active actor, and is currently in theaters as Dolittle's co-pilot in PEARL HARBOR.

This isn't the best episode to start your MST3K viewing with, but if you've seen the show before it will reward viewing. Just fast forward past the opening skit and you should be fine.

Recommended:
Yes

Viewing Format: VHS
Video Occasion: Better than Watching TV
Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 13 and Older