Cons: Worst movie I've seen in a long time, no action, no romance, no thrill, Harrison Ford acts like a psycho, it was a waste of money, the entire movie could have been fit into a 60 second commercial
Random Hearts is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. If I didn’t pay $7.25 to see it, I would have walked out. I’m upset that I completely wasted two and half hours of my life watching it.
In this review, I’m going to do everything I can to prevent you from seeing this movie. I want to save you from the agony I had to endure.
First, it was dreadfully boring. Nothing really happened. Save your money: Here’s the story. A plane crashes. Harrison Ford’s (HF) wife dies, and Kristen Scott Thomas’s (KST) husband dies. HF’s wife and KST's husband are sitting together on the plane. HF figures out that his wife and KST's husband were having an affair. HF is driven to find out how long the affair was going on and why it started. It makes no sense why he does this. It is impossible to get involved with his quest for knowledge. This leads me to my second point.
HF is totally psycho. After he finds out that his wife was having an affair he basically stalks KST. He won’t let it drop. He simply has to talk to KST. (All he does is make her angry and upset. He basically acts like an ass and keeps screwing with her head.) He supposedly loved his wife so much that he has to know why there was an affair. But why? It just isn’t clear why he is so driven. He shows no emotion at the funeral. And, in general, I can’t figure out why he loved his wife. He certainly doesn’t say loving things about her. Instead, he is driven...like a cold-blooded killer!
Third, the subplots were stupid. Harrison Ford is Internal Affairs cop chasing a crooked cop. KST is a woman on a mission to get re-elected to congress. Both of them are very boring, and very uninspired. He was not a convincing detective, and she was not a convincing congresswoman. End of story.
Fourth, I was with my wife, so this was a date movie. She really digs HF and I think he’s pretty cool. But, he usually doesn’t make the best romantic lead. In this movie, things were really bad. The romance was cold. There was no spark. They just didn’t go together as a couple. There is no humor between them, and they share no good times. They were like sad lumps of clay.
Fifth, if you care to know, my wife completely hated this movie.
Sixth, they have uninspired sex in a cabin. Big deal. He invites her out to the cabin, she shows up and says she doesn’t know why she is there. Then, they have sex (they don't make love, and they don't act like animals. They just have boring sex). You don’t see much except for her underwear, and you can’t see much of HF, if you care to know. It wouldn’t matter if they *were* naked. They were like wax figures. They were dull, lifeless caricatures.
...
I’m sick of writing about this movie. I have more to say, but to waste more of my energy on this movie would be insane.
Final advice: Avoid this movie! Don’t pay to see it. Don’t pay a dime. Don’t rent it. Don’t watch it on cable. Don’t watch it at a friend’s house. It was a long, boring, waste of money and time. I had very low expectations for this movie and it was still a complete let down.
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