Pros: Dear God...
Cons: Oh God, Please...
On the Nazis and Commies:
My high school social sciences teacher (a long time ago...) once made the point to me that the political spectrum is really like a circle: The Nazis and the Communists are both so extreme that on a superficial glance they can appear similar. That is, the ends of the political spectrum, like a looped ribbon in a way, meet at their extremes.
It's Non-Euclidean Dammit!
Well, I submit that this same sort of non-Euclidean geometry applies to this movie. Parallel lines cross, straight lines circle - in short, the very fabric of the space-time continuum has been torn by the sheer awfulness of this movie. This movie is so bad I have to, in fact, give it five stars...
It was soooo bad that...
This movie was so bad that I enjoyed it. Now I know you've heard this before, but mind you, I'm telling you now that this movie is good in a non-Rocky Horror, non-Showgirls kind of way.
It's tough to explain, but even Mr. non-Euclid had to try...
Kevin Bacon plays Sebastion - a brilliant, egomaniacal, loose-cannon-on-deck scientist who has discovered the secret to invisibility. The only problem is, he hasn't figured out a way to safely turn animals (or people for that matter) back to normal afterwards. Hmmm...It's a setup for a tough situation, but let us bravely venture forward...
So Sebastion thinks he's finally figured it out (after one test on a great ape) - and he puts on his game face and bravely turns himself invisible.
Now keep in mind, when I say he "puts on his game face" - I mean that's literally all he puts on. So naturally we get another shot of Kevin's now-getting-all-too-familiar butt (as well as a special view of his winky as he's turning invisible! Alone worth the price of admission!)
It Only Gets Better
Hard to believe but true. From this point forward it's pure excitement as 1) Kevin discovers that invisibility is a great way to pick up chicks (or at least to look at them naked), 2) he learns that despite his cute butt and cool winky, Elizabeth Shue doesn't really love him (life is hard when you're a psychopathic egomaniac - isn't reality testing such a chore!) and 3) Kevin discovers something we've all learned by now: dying is overrated.
Let me count the ways
1) Stab him
2) Hit him over the head reapetdly with a crowbar
3) Punch him in the face a million times
4) Set his entire body on fire for 5 minutes
5) Drop him down an elevator shaft
6) Drop him down an exploding elevator shaft
Oh all right, fine.
Love it. Live it.
You know, there are some things that even MasterCard can't buy. A movie where you get to see Kevin Bacon nakedly chasing naked women around actually happens to be one of the things you can buy. If you watch this movie naked, well, the damage to the space-time continuum may end up being irreparable.
In any case, butter up the popcorn, butter up your girlfriend. Lube it. Love it. Live it. Kevin rocks.