Thank goodness the Toho Company has rescued Godzilla from his misadventures in Hollywood and brought him back to Japan where he belongs. True Godzilla aficionados had to be disgusted with that dreadful 1999 Americanized version that relied on computer generated imagery and ripped off Aliens. So much so that you can notice some not too subtle digs against the Hollywood transgressors in the 2000 version, entitled Gojira ni-sen mireniamu in Japan.
Godzilla looks very much like he did in the old days when the special effects consisted of a guy dressed in a Godzilla suit who would trample on miniature Tokyo sets and toy cars. He still runs into electrical power lines and causes the locals to forget about their cold teriyaki chicken and beer to run for their lives. Like the old movies, the human characters are incidental stereotypes who serve primarily to provide cheesy commentary on the action.
The movie opens on a foggy evening and we see a scientist, his daughter, and a reporter in a truck that is labeled Godzilla Prediction Network. This gives me the first chuckle. I mean, it’s not like the big guy is hard to locate once he gets out of the ocean. Kind of hard to miss a 170-foot tall monster that begins leveling the neighborhood. There’s little doubt from the opening dialogue that this movie is deliberately cheesy and meant to spoof the Godzilla genre in a loving way.
The dialogue is in English and is deliberately mis-dubbed throughout. They also contain enough awkwardly presented American expressions like, “Quit your bitching” and “Oh, bite me!” The scientist’s daughter is very brainy and computer literate while the reporter acts like an “imbecile” who just wants a good photo of the big guy. When they nearly get trampled in the process, she cheesily remarks, “God must be punishing me for being ambitious” -- perhaps a social comment for the Japanese in general with their recent economic woes in mind.
Contrasting with the good, under-funded government scientist in pursuit of Godzilla study is the Crisis Control Intelligence Agency, which seeks to destroy Godzilla. Never mind that this monster has a past history of warding off other monsters in the end and saving Tokyo in a WWF style battle. For some reason they seem bent on bombing Godzilla with ineffectual toy rockets and bombs. This time the head “bad” scientist is sure that his latest weapon will “go through Godzilla like crap through a goose.” Think I heard that before in Patton, and this guy should realize that you can’t kill Godzilla (unless you allow Hollywood to corrupt the series).
So what is the great monster battle that shapes up for this newer version? Watch for some Alien spoofing. It turns out to be a giant 60 million-year-old rock from an undersea volcano field that mysteriously floats to the surface. Later it rises on its end and begins to gather data and energy from the life forces around it.
The “rock” especially becomes interested in Godzilla when he appears on the scene, and gathers all the data it can as the two begin to battle. They both injure each other, so while Godzilla gathers his strength back in the ocean we discover that the “rock” is actually a space ship from another planet that now attaches itself to the top of one of the city’s tallest skyscrapers like a scene from Independence Day.
Of course the anticipated climatic battle must occur, and we won’t be disappointed. The required result is there. Continued Alien spoofing occurs as the space ship sends out computer cable tentacles to entangle Godzilla, and the ship itself begins to clone itself to copy Godzilla’s appearance. This is no classic Godzilla vs. Megalon battle royale, but the film has its charms and is certainly more entertaining than much of the fare playing in the theaters.
This could be a lot of fun if you go with a group of friends who are all familiar with the old Godzilla movies. They cannot go in expecting great special effects, character development, and a sensible plot, as Godzilla 2000 is pure camp. They even deliberately splice in a few pure “black” screens to mimic inferior editing. If there happens to be a midnight showing in your area, this could turn out to be another modern cult classic. Where else will you see an alien spaceship sucking up a country’s computer database, and have the frantic scientist declare, “This could be the end of civilization!”
The best line comes right at the end though. Two scientists are discussing how science has produced Godzilla and ever since then, they have tried to destroy him. The great mystery is then posed – why does Godzilla come back to save humanity?
I’m not going to reveal the scientist’s answer because that might spoil the campy fun. His response cracked me up. Only Blood Simple’s ending had me leaving the theater with a bigger smile this summer.
One thing is certain. Takao Okawara’s Godzilla has just taken on Roland Emmerich’s Alien version of Godzilla, and the old guy in the suit has completely trashed that cgi generated lizard into oblivion, and we can expect more traditional Godzillas in the future. We don’t need no stinkin’ fancy computerized models that lay eggs.
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