There are not many things you can get for a dollar these days. There are those annoying commercial with that imbecile from Third Rock From Hell where he is telling us we can make long distance calls for a buck. Well I found something else for a buck the other day. I rented Godzilla 2000 on DVD for 99 cents. I felt that even though I would not enjoy the film, it may supply some cheap laughs and therefore warrant paying the money to see it. After watching this misadventure I want my money back! I would have rather pay a homeless person 99 cents to remove my tonsils with dirty surgical equipment than pay that much to watch this trash again.
What is the deal here people? Why does Japan constantly make these Godzilla films, which look just as cheap now as they did forty or fifty years ago? The only thing that has changed is that they have gotten more and more intolerable. You would think that they try to advance the technology and look of the Godzilla films. This looks just as corny and poorly done as the ones done years back. It looks like it was put together by a couple of second graders who stole their fathers’ movie camera!
Let me explain the plot to you know just in case you have been in a Turkish prison for the last forty years. Godzilla is a big lizard who terrifies the entire country of Japan. It could even intimidate you if you find a guy slowly walking around in a big lizard suit fear-inspiring. The big lizard then lets out earsplitting screeching sounds that would make Lloyd Christmas realize that he does not make the most annoying sound in the world (That’s a Jim Carrey/Dumb & Dumber reference). It sounds like a dinosaur with severe constipation!
The guy who plays Godzilla is Tsutomu Kitagawa. Apparently the guy who plays Barney demanded a bigger salary. The rest of the characters are taken right out of any American science fiction film. There is the independent scientist who really needs to get a life, his bratty daughter who worries more about Godzilla than school, the female news reporter who thinks she knows everything, and the evil scientist. These days, a science fiction film without an evil scientist is like a Farrelly Brothers film without some sort of body fluid.
But the giant reptile is not Tokyo’s only problem! A spaceship has appeared under the sea and has surfaced to wreck havoc!. It is now a fight to the death between reptile and alien. This is no Ali Frazier type fight either. More like Beavis and Butthead.
I have some questions about all of the Godzilla movies. First off, why is the dubbing always horrible? This is obviously intentional but I can not fathom why. Secondly, why are the people still in Japan? This is the 26th Godzilla movie. After encountering the beast that many times you would expect them to flee to another country. But no, they stay there just like Californians stay put even though they know one day the big earthquake is coming. Yet another question I have is why don’t they use Godzilla to their advantage. He can help us get rid of some of society’s most annoying people. I vote for sending the Olsen Twins and those WASSSUUUP guys down there immediately.
I knew what kind of tacky trash I was in for while watching the one minute behind the scenes sequence for Godzilla 2000. There was this dude dressed in the Godzilla suit walking around and knocking over buildings made out of cardboard. The explosions that we saw were created by cheap fire works going off on the set. The crew members were talking a lot. Even though I do not speak Japanese I presume they were probably saying stuff like “Make this look faker than a three dollar bill!” “Bring in more in more cardboard scenery!” and “God help the dumb bastards who pay to see this!!”
The film even tries to throw out an important message. You heard me right. Of course they are about as successful at this as Robert Downey Jr. is from keeping his schnozz away from the wacky dust. It attempts to explain that we should have sympathy for Godzilla because there is a little bit of him in all of us. Oh sure, I have always been able to spew fire from my mouth. The funny thing is that they try to deliver this message about thirty seconds after the damn lizard kills off one of the major human characters. Hey, I have stepped on a lot of ants in my life. Does this mean that ants have compassion for me? The scoundrels who made this film do not care any any intellectual message. They want to just throw enough campy crap at us to keep us entertained. Since when has crap been entertaining?
The American version of Godzilla did make over 140 million in this country. Just like this version, that one is just as hideous. I would not even call them campy. A film which is campy is at least fun to watch. The only time I laughed during Godzilla 2000 was when one of the Japanese military personnel is explaining their new weapon to attack Godzilla. He explains that their explosives with go through Godzilla like crap through a goose. I had more fun when I was four and my sister made me eat tree bark than I did watching those Godzilla movies.
I wish that the powers that be could somehow step in and prevent another Godzilla film. Son Of Godzilla is probably on the horizon. Who would mate with Godzilla though? Maybe Anna Nicole Smith would. After all, the big guy is pretty old and he has to be loaded after all the money his movies have made.
Godzilla Tsutomo Kitagawa is back and this time he's trying to smash and destroy all of Japan's nuclear reactors and power plants. In this 23rd film i...More at Family Video
DVDS. Following {$Roland Emmerich}'s controversial Americanization of the Japanese monster icon in {#Godzilla} (1998), the Beast from the East comes r...More at DeepDiscount.com
Epinions.com periodically updates pricing and product information from third-party sources, so some information may be slightly out-of-date. You should confirm all information before relying on it.
- Add to My Yahoo!: 
- Add to Google Homepage: 
© 1999-2010 Shopping.com, Inc.