Plot Details: This opinion reveals minor details about the movie's plot.

OK, before I start I've gotta make sure people understand my classification of bad movies from REALLY bad movies. A bad movie is the type where I sit there and watch it, and no matter what type of movie it is, I just sit there laughing the whole time at how rediculous the whole thing is, whether it's a horror movie or a thriller. Or, conversely, a bad comedy is where I sit there the whole time with a straight face.

But there's a whole different category of bad movie that I especially despise, the REALLY bad movie. This is the kind of movie with such an utterly predictable plot, a script that seems authored by a ninth grade English student, and such horrible acting that it can make your head hurt or even inspire hatred. With this kind of movie nothing's funny because you want to either get up and walk out of the movie theater or pop the tape right back out of the VCR and find something else to do, except you don't get your money back, and you'd hate to not at least see the whole thing for the eight bucks you spent.

'Get Carter' for me fell into that second category. At an hour and a half, once you've seen it you'll think it's an hour and twenty-nine minutes and thirty seconds too long.

Plot: Well, I wasn't expecting much. The following was what I saw on the back of the blockbuster video case:" They killed his brother. Now he wants revenge." Whoa, not exactly ground breaking stuff. But hey, I've watched plenty of unoriginal bang-'em-up action movies and enjoyed them because there were at least exotic locales, lots of hot chicks, OK acting, some kind of original twist to an often-used plot, at least one main character that stands out and pulls the whole damn thing together(Arnold, Jeane Claude, and up until this flick, Sly.), or some or all of the above. There were none of those elements here.

Sylvester Stallone plays an aging thug who busts heads for a loan shark. He finds out his brother in Seattle has died at the wheel in a suspicious drunk driving accident. He immediately takes a train from Las Vegas to Seattle to investigate, doing so against the wishes of an employer who wants to keep him close. He soon finds himself dealing with a bereaved sister-in-law and niece who at first resent his interference after such a long absence. As if that weren't enough, he's got to fight off one set of murderous thugs trying to keep him from finding the truth about his brother's death and another set sent by his boss in Las Vegas to interrupt his investigation and bring him home.

There were more plot holes in this movie than pimples on the average 15 year old's face, as I was confounded again and again when sudden jumps in the plot logic would occur and I would be left wondering 'Wait, how did he know to do that." I can suspend my disbelief as much as anyone else, but when it gets this rediculous it just seems as if the writers were too lazy to tie up loose ends. For example, at one point Sly starts following a suspect but we have no idea what put him onto the guy's trail in the first place.

Fancy cinematography such as fades and split-screens might have been useful if the rest of the movie was OK. Here it just looks cheap and makes everything else seem even sillier. The lighting was also way too dark, making it hard for me to even make the characters out in some scenes. At least I didn't see any low-hanging boom mikes.

Action: It seemed pointless and didn't flow with the movie. There was no rhyme or reason to any of it, as if the writers would be plugging along with the script and then blind-fold themselves, point to a random spot on the page, and say "Hey guys, that looks like a good spot for a car chase!" I kid you not, there were several points where Sly would jump into a car on a whim and start chasing people it seemed like he really didn't even have a logical reason to be chasing just for the sake of a car chase.

Acting: Uninspired on all counts. It wasn't even good enough to make me go to the effort of finding out all of the main characters' real names for the purpose of writing this opinion. The actors all seem bored and tired in their delivery, as if they were just passing time reading cue-cards until a better script came along. Sly was no exception, though he did deliver one or two good scenes toward the end, especially when consoling a young rape victim. He even sheds a tear or two and somehow manages to keep from letting it throw him out of character. Hell, those one or two good scenes were more than all the rest of the cast put together. One scene in a cafe in which he's supposedly bonding with a teenage niece he's never met was stiffly acted and lacked sincerity. Sly has played cold hearted tough guys much better than this. The movie "Specialist" comes to mind. Here, he seems bored with the role, as if he knows better than anyone else that he's turning out a dud and he just wants to get it over with. Micheal Caine was the only actor in this movie whose character actually seemed convincing to me.

Script: Also bad. It was dull and predictable and word choice was poor. Sly's catch-phrases, "I'll take this to another level" and "you don't want to know me", were overdone until I got to thinking I'd laugh in this thug's face if he ever tried to strong arm-arm me with those lines.

Pros: "What? There were pros?" Well, if you're one of those people who runs out to rent bad movies just to see what all the complaining's about, you'll only suffer through an hour and a half. Also, Sly ends up shaving that butt-ugly goattee by the end of the movie, definitely another plus. And if you can make it to the last 15-20 minutes or so without knocking yourself out from banging your head against the wall in disgust at your poor choice of movies, you'll see that in that short amount of time the acting gets half-way believable, the action scenes start to flow together better, and there's a bit more continuity in the plot. Unfortunately, it's way too late to save the movie. Other than that, you might want to look into finding the original British thriller "Get Carter", starring Micheal Caine as Carter. I hear that was actually a good movie. He also had a role in this poorly done remake. If I were him I would have chosen to starve first.

Recommended: No

Viewing Format: VHS
Video Occasion: None of the Above
Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 13 and Older