As I walked down the aisles of the video store yesterday, I looked for something familiar. I’m caught up on just about everything so I was looking in the new release section. “I’m feeling adventuresome,” I thought, maybe an action flick or something sci-fi. Dungeons and Dragons. Hey, I remember that game from the 80’s. It was pretty cool! Hmmm, I vaguely recall this being in the theaters. Wait, was it ever in the theaters? Why can’t I remember the trailer? I’ll tell you why, dear reader. Because this movie was so bad it spent a mere two weeks at my local movie house! Let me tell you why.

The synopsis
This movie takes place in the fantasy city of Izmer. The empress Savina, played by Thora Birch, is a good, kind-hearted person. She believes everyone should be treated as equals and, with the help of her magic scepter, which helps her control gold dragons, is rarely challenged.

Profion, played by Jeremy Irons, is an evil Mage who wants to take over Izmer by obtaining the Rod of Sevrille, a magical little item that would give him power over red dragons, whom everybody knows are more powerful then gold dragons. Doing Profion’s dirty work is…hmmm, what was his name again…sorry, I was too distracted by the blue lipstick to not just stare in awe every time he took to the screen. All you need to know is he’s a baddie, in acting terms as well as his unscrupulous behavior.

Unknowingly helping the princess are two thieves, Ridely and Snails, played by Justin Wayans and Marlon Whalin, respectively. There is also a magic school assistant, who’s name I continually missed throughout the movie. Sadly, she is given no credit in every write up I read. She is the driving force for keeping Ridely and Snails in line and plays a darn good heroine.

To make a long synopsis short, Ridely, Snails and the school assistant, with the help of a dwarf and an elf (don’t worry about more info on these two, they’ll hardly be a memory tomorrow), defeat Profion and his blue lipsticked baddie and deliver the kingdom safely back into the hands of empress Savina.

Why This Movie is Worse Then Battlefield Earth
I had heard of the game Dungeons and Dragons and even watched friends play but I am definitely not a know-it-all. Because of this I had absolutely NO clue what was going on in this movie. At least, that is what I am led to believe. The writer and director assume everyone watching this movie will recognize the characters, understand the story behind the story and come out feeling giddy with happiness because all is right with the world. I felt giddy alright, but not with happiness.

The writer does not take the time to let us identify with the characters. Most are just thrown at us and we never really get to know them or understand what makes them tick. This allows us neither the time nor the resources to develop an interest in the heroes. I barely developed a hatred for the bad guys.

Lastly the story line is hard to follow. The scenes do not flow one right into the other. They could be from a handful of different movies and one wouldn’t know the difference. This leaves it really hard to get into the movie and twice I almost chose not to by ejecting the movie from the VCR. However, I’m one of those folks who, no matter how bad a movie is, will watch to the end just to say I’ve been there, done that.

Some Good Points?
The special affects are the best part of the movie and even then, I’ve seen better. There were, sadly, not enough mystical/magic effects. But the ones they did have, magic dust leading to the opening of a portal for instance, were very impressive.

The acting…hmmm…nope, nobody that would fall under this sub-heading.

The gauntlet scene was the highlight of this movie. Ridely, to get a powerful stone that will activate the power of the Rod of Savrille, must go through a maze of sorts. Battling swinging axes, bursts of fire and a moving wall of spikes, I almost felt like I was watching an Indiana Jones movie. Almost. Still, this scene was well directed, well acted and well done. I guess every movie has a high point.

To Rent or Not To Rent
Don’t waste your time on this one unless there is nothing else in the new release section that you haven’t already seen. If you like any of the aforementioned actors it might thrill you a little. If you were really, really into the Dungeons and Dragons game you may get a kick out of this movie.

However, if you are like me and it’s between this movie and re-renting Battlefield Earth, suck it up and watch Travolta tarnish his resume one more time.


Recommended:
No

Viewing Format: VHS
Video Occasion: None of the Above
Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 13 and Older