Well, I decided to have my wife take a trip to the local Hollywood Video to pick up whatever new release came out this week. Frankly, I was in the mood to see something I hadn’t seen before, and I wanted to take a night off from my personal video collection. Needless to say, Dude Where’s My Car wasn’t exactly what I was looking for. Oh well, as my brother would say, “Such is life.” As always, format goes like this: I'll give my Pre-Viewing thoughts, a synopsis of the plot, as well as Post-Viewing thoughts. So here we go….

Pre-Viewing Thoughts: Well, I can’t say that I’m expecting all that much from this movie. From what I’ve heard, this one sucks more than most B movies could ever hope to. I mean, with star power like Ashton Kutcher and Seann William Scott, how can you possibly go wrong, right? Right?? Let’s just get to it.

The Plot: Ummm, there really isn’t a plot, so to speak. I mean, two stoned guys (played by Seann William Scott and Ashton Kutcher) wake up after a long night and are unable to find their car. Along the way to finding the car we involve twin girlfriends, space aliens, cult-related weirdness, pizza deliverymen, bullies, Andy Dick in a cage, and goofiness abound. That is it. Not exactly going to pack the crowds into the seats with that. I’m not going to reveal the shocking conclusion, but that is only for your sake, trust me.

Post-Viewing Thoughts: Well, I’m not one to throw around terms like “Worst Movie Of All Time” or “Blight On All Mankind” or anything, but if I was, this would be the movie I was referring to. I don’t think I’ve ever been so disappointed in something created by man in all my life. Truly a larger cinematic abomination has never been produced, and unlikely shall ever one be again. May God have mercy on your soul and mine as well.

Well, now that I have that off my chest, let’s get to the meat of this. The movie sucked. I can’t really sugar coat it or anything, because that isn’t my style. This movie was just top to bottom, mind-blowingly stupid to an all-new degree. I can’t believe that there was actually a movie studio that put this out and thought it could in some way make money. Honestly, I think that the writer had to have been stoned with the same stuff our two main characters were using to put pen to paper and come up with so much crap.

Mind you, I didn’t go into the film with many expectations. I figured weak plot, weak characters, a few laughs, and we all go home happy. Not the case, I’m afraid. What we have here is a premise that was in no way funny to begin with, and a 90 minute collection of jokes that are supposed to be funny, but really aren’t. We have weak dialogue, abysmal acting, crappy special effect, and no redeeming qualities in sight. I really can’t think of one nice thing to say about this entire movie.

We have two over-the-top low-to-mid role characters who are thrown into the main event of carry a movie, and who fall flat on their faces trying to do just that. Seann William Scott and Ashton Kutcher really don't have anywhere near the acting ability to be headlining a movie. Scott once again plays the same exact clueless waste of space that he has played in every other movie I have ever seen him in. Kutcher isn't much better, though he does seem to have at least a slight advantage over Scott in the talent department (emphasis on slight). With no real other performances to speak of (Andy Dick has a 60 second cameo that isn't half bad, but isn't half good either), this movie honestly has one of the worst collection of performances I have ever seen.

Not to be shown up by bad acting, Philip Stark did all he could to write the absolute worst script that he could. The jokes just aren't funny, the sight gags are even worse, and the casual banter is just so stupid that words can't really describe it. The main problem with the dialogue is that we are given a collection of lines in a selected order. Then, we are told that these lines are funny. What never really gets told to us is why the lines are funny in the first place. When Jesse and Chester realize that they got tattoos, they go back and forth trying to figure out what the tattoos say. Ummm, after the first two minutes, the only thing the audience is really wondering is why this is supposed to have been funny. Not only that, but we come back to the same joke at the end of the movie! What was Stark thinking.

The special effects in this one aren't quite the atrocity that the rest of the movie is, but there is nothing too special about them either. Honestly, I'm not expecting much when I see a group of fake ostriches, but lets at least try to make them seem like ostriches, don't you think? We get our fair share of flashing lights, bells, and whistles, but none of it really advances the non-existent plot, so what's the point?

Overall, my suggestion to anyone who wants to see this movie is to find a pencil, sharpen it, and shove it in your eye. Because you would be better off waiting in the hospital emergency room trying to hold the pencil steady, wondering how you are going to look in a jaunty new eye patch, then to ever see this film. I give this film one star because Epinions says I have to, with the strongest recommendation to avoid at all costs. I’m thinking Cliffhanger for tomorrow night, but till then, HAVE A NICE DAY!


Recommended:
No

Viewing Format: VHS
Video Occasion: None of the Above
Suitability For Children: Not suitable for Children of any age