What are your kids doing while you are not home W/O

This write up is for the What Are Your Kids Doing While You Are Not Home Write Off. Sponsored by Chris_Billings….and thank you Chris for sponsoring this wonderfully fun write off. As I was watching a movie this weekend, (one my 17 year old is particularly fond of), I realized that in reviewing this film, I would be able to expound on what our kids are doing while we are gone.

In watching, Dude, Where’s My Car? I realized that there are a number of things that our kids do – all things from this movie…sometimes they get stoned, they get the dog stoned, they get their friends stoned, they win life time supplies of pudding, they wear outfits made of bubble wrap, they meet with aliens, they save the world, they win at miniature golf, they meet with gurus, they toke up, they look for their car, they get cell phones, they get tattoos, they have outfits custom tailored by Chinese tailors, they let their blind friends touch the breasts of sexy female aliens, they sneak, they laugh, they have slippery lap dances with strippers, they hide a half million dollars in a locker, they give the money back to a transsexual couple, they cry, they run and they hide. In short, you do not want to know. But if by some miracle you want an explanation of all of this – just read on poor, dear soul.

The Cheese Factory

Let me just say that this movie was so cheesy I am defibrillating. There is no way to begin to describe the caricature of a film that this truly is. It reminded me of a neauvo film, designed to look like a cartoon. Similar to the way Popeye or Dick Tracey were done. There was that same mentality behind the editing, the camera work, and even the music to a lesser degree.

It just makes me think of what might happen if Jim Varney were back with us, as a hardcore stoner – with the followers of Marshall Applewhite and the chicks from the Robert Palmer video chasing he and Gailard Sartain. “Hey Vern, roll up another stubb, ya’know what i mean?”

This was one of the sillier movies I have seen in a while, but horribly enough, I just could not take my eyes off. The film revolves around two main characters, Jesse and Chester. The guys start out like a poor mans version of Dumb and Dumber, without the Carryisms or the brilliant script writing. The two main characters are Jesse played by Ashton Kutcher (That 70s Show, Making the Band) and Chester played by Seann William Scott (American Pie 1 & 2)

They wake up and they have somehow procured a lifetime supply of pudding. In my life – as a parent – I will know strange things are afoot if I ever come home to that. They were so wasted that they have forgotten their whole night. They go outside, and the car is just gone. They go and visit their guru – a Buddhist, stoner kind of guy, with a stoner dog (Mom and Dad – does your dog forget things, does he have the munchies…lost his ambition? Ask yourself why…) who gives them a ride, and gets them started on their journey. He reverses words, changes verb noun tenses, end his sentences with verbs….he is trying to sound like Yoda…or – sound like Yoda he does.

The Mystery of the night

As they begin to uncover their night, the mystery grows deeper, and the stupidity of the clues just gets horrendous. However, the tension building in the mystery is a little bit delightful. They have trashed their girl friends house, gone to a strip club (missing some ones mom and dad? huh are ya?), been the hero of all of the strippers, apparently gotten a suite case full of money, hooked up with a transsexual whose money they have lost, then they go to a custom tailor who gives them their custom made Addidas (the pot jokes are pretty non stop) suites, with the special pockets, they have bought cell phones (hear any strange ringing sounds parents?), leased a Benz (kids getting any Mercedes while you are out? That one happened to me once…oh yeah), and apparently done battle for the survival of the universe.

Now, mom and dad – I have given my children specific permission to save the universe any time the need arises. Even if I am gone and they cannot find me – there is no reason just to let it all collapse in, do your part, find the magical things to do the job – and get with the universe saving in crowd. To my way of thinking, it can only make them stronger as adults to have saved the universe as kids…just my thoughts.

At a point, the scriptwriters began to do tribute to some of the classic comedy that has gone on before. The basics of the Bill and Ted or Bio Dome (Paulie and Stephen) dude buddy movie were well intact, and I have to say – I have seen it before, and liked it not much better then.

They became imprisoned in the basement call of a crazy, Clouseau sounding Ostrich farmer. Again, just part of the tracking down of the fabled car. They stole some Monty Python with the quiz to get them out of prison, with the question about the land speed of an Ostrich – full grown male African, in Python it was the wing speed of the African swallow. They coped it almost directly…from the wizard. The scene was done corny, but the tribute was there – and in truth, I accepted it. If your kids want to watch Animal Planet to help their growth, remember – someday it could get them out of a cell.

Then they have an interesting experience with some Bubble Wrap suited Martian followers.
They stole some remarkable language shtick from Wayne’s world, and they end up solving many of their mysteries at a mini golf course / arcade. Every one is looking for the continuum trans-functioner (CT)– once they get it, they solve Rubik’s cubes, they beat six year olds at Air Hockey…. they get their girl friends back, and they are right out of the Bio-Dome school of girl friends….Mom and dad, mini-golf is not so bad if your kids can find a continuum trans-functioner there, and perhaps make a decision that will save the universe. This is also where the guys shot a hole in one on the eighteenth hole, and won their lifetime supply of pudding…hey let us not look a gift horse in the mouth.

The Robert Palmer girls are after the CT, there are some Arnold Schwarzenegger accented dudes, who are chasing it, there are some aliens who dress like other nerds, and there is a whole Peter Seller’s Party worth of people chasing this crazy unit. When finally the power of the CT is unleashed, one of the sexy “addicted to love” alien girls grows to a huge size, the attack of the 50-foot woman – or even a small, vague tribute to the end of Tron.

...and in the end

The CT also ends up killing the final, scene with the giant girl, who explodes and disappears. The good aliens reward our heroes by giving them a mirror unit that makes their girl friends grow very large breasts. This is quite a treat for our boys. They do finally find the car, and it is a cute little Gremlin. It is further possible, mom and dad, that your children may end up with a large breasted girl while you are gone. Would this be so bad? Very hard for me to criticize that one.

The movie wanted to spoof some great comedy, and it wanted to give us the ultimate buddy film, and it somehow might have wanted to displace the masters – Cheech and Chong, and while I did find it mildly entertaining, on the whole my reaction was that…”Dave’s not here man….”


Please read the writing of these other wonderful writers who have contributed or are going to contribute to this write off. And again thanks to Chris for putting this on.

bballin2413
cartman_2k
chris_billings
deaser26
Gasjocket214
Jeremy1456
JuiceJW
Rock_On
Sephiroth2000
Swanton00
Xeno3998

Recommended:
Yes

Viewing Format: VHS
Video Occasion: Good for Groups
Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 9 - 12