Plot Details: This opinion reveals major details about the movie's plot.
Recommend this product?
This review contains some slight graphic content and, if you are offended by descriptions of nude women, written by a fully clothed woman who has no particular interest in nude women, please pass this review by.
My friend Lisa is a real jokester. She and I have many late night giggle fests online and by phone now that she is living in New York City and I am stuck here in the middle of the state.
One conversation we had a while back was about the review I wrote on Erotic Nude Yoga. She found the review hilarious and found it even more hilarious that I actually seriously watched and reviewed it.
When Christmas rolled around, a nice little package arrived from Lisa with some bath and body gifts. And then there was a DVD. It was wrapped and said it would be a great addition to my workout collection so I was excited to see what new workout I was given.
It was Nude Cardiovascular Workout. I pictured Lisa giggling the entire time she bought the DVD, wrapped it, and sent it.
But a gift's a gift and, I admit, I was a little curious about this video. I mean, who was it made for? I doubt many women want to do cardio workouts in the nude and they can do that with any workout. They dont need everyone on the DVD to be nude.
Was this for men who really wanted to workout? Or just wanted to watch nude girls bounce around?
After viewing - and actually working out to the video (In workout clothes. One does not engage in nude workouts with two sons in the house - even asleep as they were the night I tried this DVD.) - I can't imagine ANYONE who would actually enjoy this DVD. The women arent very good looking nor do they have great bodies, the workout is a joke, and everything just screams "cheeseball!"
This is how this DVD is hyped on the websites that sell it.
A rigorous workout video that aims to get more than just one's pulses racing, NUDE CARDIOVASCULAR WORKOUT features four lithe instructors who perform their routines in the buff. Also included on both the DVD and VHS editions of the video is COLLEGE CO-EDS UNCOVERED, a candid look at some of the most beautiful, uninhibited, and kinky products of our nation's colleges. Both of these stimulating programs are from the producers of NUDE YOGA.
First, we are given some cooking and healthy eating tips by two average looking nude woman who are neither very pretty nor shapely. We are told that smoking is bad and eating well is good. Why, gee, thanks nude ladies. I will take that under advisement. The segment is voiced over and the women chop food and hold up a pack of cigarettes as if they are doing a photo shoot or something, which I suppose they are, sort of.
Moving on to the workout, the setting seems to be a fairly low rent hotel room. It is very small and cramped and doesnt look at all like a workout studio.
We are introduced to four ladies and, strangely, the instructor is clothed. She is wearing standard, non-sexy workout fare.
Behind her are three very average looking - but non enhanced - girls. One is all pierced and rough looking, the others are nondescript. None are what I aspire to look like after working out and all look like they could use a few bust workouts to get them babies up where they belong.
But I digress. This is about the workout.
For the record, the women on this DVD look nothing like the ones on the cover and nowhere on the DVD are those women so don't be fooled into thinking you will see them anywhere but modeling on the cover.
The instructor talks you through a warm up and then you do some old school cardio. The girls in the back are so bad. One can't do anything right and they are working in such close quarters that they bump into each other often.
They do actually do exercise though. This isn't an artsy workout, it's just a workout with three girls not wearing clothing. There is instruction and there is some kind of weird pulsating - but not sexy - music happening in the background that is barely audible. There is also a bit of floor work for abs.
None of the workout is actually gratuitous really. There are no open legged shots or anything of that nature. It's really just a very badly lit, badly filmed, badly thought out cardio workout DVD that happens to have a few girls without clothes on in the background.
The workout is 60 minutes long and I suppose, if you worked along with it, you could get a decent workout in just by getting your heart rate up. However, the moves are so common, the workout so devoid of any enthusiasm or creativity, and the lighting is so bad that I never got through the whole thing.
I feel for the girls who bared all for this workout and wonder how they felt doing these silly exercises while their instructor in front stayed clothed?
This wasn't a good workout nor was it, in the least bit, erotic or sexy. It doesnt even TRY to be. I dont know what to make of it except to say once is enough for me for this workout!
The Extra Stuff
After the workout, there is a whole hour of college co-eds on campus doing
nothing really. They kind of stroll around here and there and dreamily look into the camera as voiceovers tell some kind of story for each one. I honestly didnt watch the whole thing. There is no erotica, no porn, or anything like that. Just some half-nude and nude women (who are better shaped than the workout girls) standing or sitting around here and there.
It's the most amazing display of nothingness I have ever seen.
You may think I am dissing this DVD because it has nude women in it. I'm not. I appreciate beautiful, shapely women and I am not offended at all by nudity.
But this workout is just plain silly. From the fully clothed instructor to the warm up jumping jacks (Gee, wonder why they are on there?) to the out of sync women, to the bad lighting and angles, to the just plain boring choreography, this is a workout that women will hate and men will not be aroused by.
I asked my husband to watch it and he watched for about five minutes and said he couldn't stand how dumb the girls were, bumping into each other. He pointed out that one actually kicked the instructor which I hadn't noticed.
I asked him if he felt that the workout was erotic or sexy and he said it was by no means either. For one, he thought the women should have gotten into better shape before removing their clothes. They are not fat; they are just not at all buff or well defined.
He also said that the second part of the DVD was dull too and, if wanted to watch 30 year old women dressed like 18 year old girls, he could probably find ones who did it better elsewhere.
My husband is not one to pop in porn movie whenever the kids are out of the house but he isnt shy about seeing naked women either. If he thought this DVD was erotic, he would have told me. After all, I asked!
Still, this workout doesnt really claim to be erotic. It says it is a Nude Cardiovascular Workout and it is. Well, three fourths of the participants are nude at least. And it is a workout, complete with those jumping jacks and other same ole, same ole moves that, if you followed along, could burn calories.
But nude or not, the women dont inspire me to want to get into better shape. Heck, I am firmer than they are and I'm eons older. Everything about the workout is low budget and I see absolutely no advantage to having three naked women stumbling around rather than three dressed ones.
Either way, the workout blows.
Those looking for some erotic scenes or visions of hard bodies sweating will be sorely disappointed. I have seen much sexier women in my usual workout DVDs who are fully clothed!
The College Co-Eds Uncovered extra is boring. It has no sense of purpose other than to show women in various states of undress trying to look younger than they are.
I hated this DVD. I know Lisa searched high and low for the WORST DVD to get me to up her laughter when I told her about it and she got her wish. I do believe this is the worst of the nudie workout videos out there.
Ladies, if you want to workout nude, just do it! Men, if you want to see women working out nude, try a different DVD. This one will not provide you with the visual you are expecting. Dogs, cats, birds, and rodents of all sizes, if you are looking for naked humans to watch, stake out the bathroom by the shower or something.
I give this DVD 1 star and recommend it to no one, friend or foe.
I hope Lisa is ready because the DVD is on its way back to her with a sweet little note from me telling her that I wanted to share the love. Ha!
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Viewing Format: DVD
Video Occasion: None of the Above
Suitability For Children: Not suitable for Children of any age