Plot Details: This opinion reveals minor details about the movie's plot.

Jesus Franco's, er, I mean Jean Rollins's "Zombie Lake" was one of the titles that I always saw in my local video store in its larger-than-life box that just screamed Cheese from the ever (un)popular Wizard Video. Of course I never actually rented it (how embarrassing!). But recently, I was flipping through one of my horror vid-guides and came across a review for this one. The reviewer (James O'Neill of Terror on Tape) gave it zero stars and, well, you can guess what he had to say about this clunker. I still had to see it, just had to have a copy of it in my hands. To make a long story short, I received a bootleg cut of "Zombie Lake" (before it appeared on DVD it was basically nonexistent). I think zero stars is too generous.

The movie begins with a musical score that sounds like it was pre-recorded in one of those Yes keyboards you can buy at your nearest Sears. A girl walks down to a murky lake, takes off her clothes, and hopes in. After about ten minutes of uninterrupted swimming (we get the old "Jaws" view from below, Rollins rolling the camera at the girl's yahoo). She is eventually killed off by a mysterious figure that comes up from the depths below. Who is this strange man and why is he living under the water? Do we care? Not much!

In flashback scenes we realize the man, along with a few of his closest friends, were once World War II Nazi storm troopers, killed by a batch of Swiss villagers. Their bodies were dumped into the same lake and forgotten about. The movie takes place ten years after those events, placing the action in 1955. Did the filmmakers know that? I don't think so since the clothes and hairstyles of the cast are right outta the late 1970s. Even the cars are modern!

Oh, wait, I haven't gotten to the best part! When the zombies emerge from their watery graves their hair is perfectly styled, their clothes in tip-top shape, and the green make-up on their face ends at the necklines, same goes for the make-up on the hands ending at the wrist. This is some hilarious stuff, folks. Even more fun is when the zombies attack. Big-eyed and mouths open, they chase women around til the gals fall (of course!) and become food for the green-ones.

With a movie like "Zombie Lake," you'd think the gore would be everywhere. Wrong. The blood is never shown. Only a couple of scenes feature the zombies munching on some throats, the crimson stains looking a lot like strawberry seeds. Usually when the living dead attack they just rise from the water, grab a nude girl, and go back down under. Wow. Amazing movie-making!

There is also a stupid sub-plot (there is hardly a plot to begin with) about the daughter of one of the zombies who was born a year after her father died. The mother being a harlot the zombie had sex with before he was shot. Thus, we are given a never-ending scene of the couple fondling each other in a barn with some Muzak switched to "mellow-drama" playing in the background.

Franco original was to direct this mush but dropped out at the last minute (it is bad news when even Jesus drops out!). Rollin stepped in to helm, but given the finished product doesn't have the eye or talent to make such a movie (but then who does? Oh yeah, Romero!). Still, the movie looks like something Franco would whip up, so I usually mention this one as Jesus Franco's "Zombie Lake." Sorry, Jean!

A movie for the fish. Even the soft-core nudity doesn't help. A 10 on the laugh-meter.



Recommended: No

Viewing Format: VHS
Video Occasion: Good for Groups
Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 13 and Older