Plot Details: This opinion reveals minor details about the movie's plot.

I saw this film in New York City, in Loews Theater (located under the Virgin Megastore) in Times Square. I went on a Saturday night early in the film's opening, and the theater was empty. There were probably ten people there total, which I am beginning to think is an indication of the popularity of this movie.

To summarize "The Caveman's Valentine", it was WEIRD. I don't know how anyone could have come up with this idea- the characters, the plot, the dialogue, and so on- because it is like a strange, surreal nightmare.

Samuel L. Jackson plays the main character, Romulus. He lives alone in a cave in what appears to be Central Park. Romulus staggers around New York City scaring off people left and right. (I can understand why). While he is staggering around being quite overdramatic, we intermittently see a view of the Chrysler Building. The top of it glows various colors as we hear strange noises and voices. The camera switches back and forth between this image and a horrified Romulus, who keeps ranting about a Cornelius Stuyvesant. This scene and its significance is not explained until much later in the film, and it got pretty tiring. The scene occurs throughout the storyline, causing Romulus to go a little bit crazy during his adventures.

There is little to go on plotwise in the beginning of "The Caveman's Valentine". Lots of mumbling and dialogue that has really to do with nothing. Finally, Romulus does his little staggering act as he leaves his cave (which miraculously has a TV, which recieves abnormal signals from this unknown threatening/unexplained Chrysler building), and he finds a dead body, frozen in a tree.

There is quite a lack of character development for Romulus, except for the fact that he is scared of this Cornelius Stuyvesant. This probably would have been better done in a theatre setting, considered how overdramatic and overacted this seemed to be. Anyway, it turns out that Romulus has a daughter who is a police officer (how convenient!) and some old aquaintences from Juliard, where he was known for his piano skills.

First, Romulus decides that he must solve this crime, and decides to go upstate (New York) with one of his old piano buddies. Of course he will need to look nice, not homeless. Romulus miraculously (and conveniently) makes friends with a man on the street, who randomly invites this homeless man (who looks about as homeless as you get) into his rich home. They share green drinks that appear to glow radioactively, and have a great time. This gracious stranger outfits "Rom" with clothes after Romulus shows off his incredible piano playing. It really seems like this was thrown in to the story afterwards. I mean, how else was Romulus going to make a suit materialize?

All the mean time, Romulus fights his visions of.. can you guess.. Cornelius Stuyvesant. Yes you are a quick learner.

I got a little tired of the insanity of Rom's character. Enough with the glowing, enough with the "Romulus sees dead people" bit.

So the story drags on.. I won't disclose everything that happens. Romulus goes upstate to show off his piano playing, which he manages to make quite dramatic, as he sways back and forth, (and yes, having visions of Cornelius Stuyvesant), his long dreds making him quite a sight. The ending of "The Caveman's Valentine" puts a little bit of closure on things, but things never really made sense in the first place.

There is not much else of a plot, just strange people, strange places, and strange visions. And speaking of strange and unnecessary visions, Samuel Jackson graces us with a shot of his backside, fully naked.

There were some interesting moments in "The Caveman's Valentine". I just couldn't get into this movie, maybe it's because I am not a fan of the weird and bizarre. I like it when things make sense and there's more plot. This is definately original and unique, and I would describe it as unrealistic. If it was supposed to be deep and artistic, I disagree.

I assume I was supposed to feel compassion for Romulus- shunned by his daughter, rejected by society, and scared by the combination of threats (that are both real and illusions). It just did not work. The only emotions I felt was the happiness to leave the movie theater.

If you liked this film, or think you would like it, I would probably recommend "The Cell", which I throw into the same category, although "The Caveman's Valentine" was not as graphic, and took place more in the real world.

A side comment- I searched for this film over and over in Epinions little "search box" (not sure what to call it!), waiting for it to be added. It just doesn't show up! Not sure what the story is...

Recommended: No

Viewing Format: VHS
Suitability For Children: Not suitable for Children of any age