Artisan Entertainment has put out a lot of crap, but this one really takes the cake. What may draw you to the movie is cover girl Amber Smith, that and the knowledge that this movie is nothing but a string of sex scenes strung together by a very ho-hum plot.

Some of you folks may have your ears perked up right now. Ooh! Sex scenes? I'm there dude! The first scene I was a little surprised at its raciness. The guy and the girl get all hot and heavy and the girl's top gets removed. Yes folks, you see lots and lots of bare breasts in this movie. But after the fourth sex scene you get to see the pattern, and all the sex scenes are the same, only with different people. There is lots of arm, leg and side stroking, but they never touch the no-no parts. That's right, they may be mostly naked, but they keep their hands and mouths strictly in "safe" areas. This movie may be racy, but it's definitely no 9 1/2 Weeks.

Ever watch a porn movie? Admit it, you probably have. Don't worry, I won't tell. ;-) But my point is, the whole focus of porn is on the explicit sex. They always connect the sex scenes together with some weak story where everyone eventually has sex with everyone else. But you forgive the weak plot and acting because that's not why you're watching it. Well Tell Me No Lies is a lot like that, only it's really soft porn since you never see any pubic hair or breast groping. It's the same actions over and over, kind of like a website's looping background music. This makes this movie a really big let down. No good acting, no good script, no good story, and not even good sex. So what are you left with? A 94-minute pile of boring trash.

Amber Smith plays a DJ named Alex who dresses in super-skimpy super-model attire and stupid fuzzy cowboy hats. (Yeah right, give me a single example of anyone who dresses like that every day, much less a DJ! She arrives at a college radio station just as a killer is starting his killing spree. This killer starts harrassing the DJ over the phone and she starts getting distressed. In the meantime, the male and female investigating cops have sex in the jacuzzi, the DJ has sex with a coworker, and the DJ has sex with a housemate. And this is all in the first 45 minutes of the movie! I'm serious when I say that they give the lamest possible reasons to throw off their clothes in this movie.

I just could not finish this movie. It was too painful. But to give you an idea of how many more breast-baring scenes Amber Smith gets to do, here's a quote from the description from the back of the box:

With the police turning up no clues, Alex is forced to take matters into her own hands by seducing suspects to uncover the truth.

Now if that doesn't sound like a porn plot I don't know what does. I only started watching this movie because a coworker gets these movies from Artisan for free. But please, do yourself a big favor and skip this one. Unless you're a huge Amber Smith fan, you will get no satisfaction from this film. Get yourself a real movie instead... Or a real porno.

Recommended:
No

Viewing Format: VHS
Video Occasion: None of the Above
Suitability For Children: Not suitable for Children of any age