This review is going to be different from any movie review (there ain’t that many to begin with) I have ever written. I will attempt to come up with the most plausible scenario of how this movie was conceived and made—a virtual behind-the-scenes tour.

The following information is 99 percent correct, with a margin of error of plus minus 1 percent, at the 95 percent confidence level.

And so it goes:

Director, addressing the film crew: Hey guys, I’ve got a proposal here from Universal to make a rip-off of Indiana Jones. What do you think about that?
(Cheers in the crowd)
I knew you’d be enthusiastic about this noble idea. By the way, I know it’s been a while, but is the old Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom set still available? Really? Wow, terrific. This will certainly save some money. What? Old red clothes worn by bad guys are also available? Fantastic. This is going better than I thought. Anything else we can copy…err…borrow from that flick? Yeah, our main guy is also an archaeologist of some sort. I am sure you will all agree with me that a mix of Indiana Jones and Home Alone would be a tremendous opening scene—a sure-fire formula to literally catapult us into a #1 spot at the box office.

Someone from the film crew: What’s the movie going to be about?

Director: Not sure yet. We’ll let our writers work on that. Something about scorpions, hot air balloons, weird-looking extraterrestrial creatures—with a love story thrown in between. We are offering an unpaid internship to a few talented high school kids who are eager to get their feet wet in this business. I’m sure they can tie all this stuff together. I can’t wait to see what they are going to come up with.

So, listen up, people. Here is how we are going to do this. Can someone submit a request to Comedy Central or one of those Late Night TV shows for a bunch of one-line jokes that we can liberally scatter throughout this film?

Also, can someone call WWF and get the Rock on the phone. We’ll pay him insane amount of money to appear in this movie for a total of 10 minutes, maybe less. He gets the money. We get the credit. His head looks convincing on the advertising board. And, as a matter of fact, we are not planning to use much of his body anyway.

Now, one thing this movie must have is special effects. Lots of them. I mean A LOT. These special effects will keep going, and going, and going… Nothing beats the Energized Mummy. One way or another we must compensate for a poor script. Someone please call the graphic design and computer animation people and tell them to come up with whatever the hell they want, as long as it lasts a long time. We’ll make sense out of all this later.

Oh, one thing we definitely need is to leave a door open for Mummy Strikes Back. Eureka! To achieve this, we’ll make one of the main characters catch some shiny box off the roof of a pyramid (The Big Mummy’s House) in the middle of a desert, while escaping a leaf storm hanging upside down from a hot air balloon. Simply brilliant!










Recommended:
No

Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children up to Age 4