The world has sort of expected many Hollywood-types to be shallow and self-centered. We The People like when we see the “pretty people” of Hollywood get married and for some reason seem shocked when the “pretty people” of Hollywood get divorced a short time later. Some people will sit there and try to analyze why a certain couple got divorced, and rumors suddenly start to fly around.

The last big breakup that I can think of where this exact situation happened was Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise. Heck, I’ll admit it – it was a shocker for me, and I don’t even like to get into Hollywood romances, marriages and flings.

Billy Crystal and Peter Tolan looked at this situation and decided they could write a movie about it. Since you’re sitting down reading this review, you can assume that I’ve gone ahead and seen that movie.

American Sweethearts stars Julia Roberts, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Billy Crystal, John Cusack and Stanley Tucci. There are special cameo parts by Christopher Walken, Larry King and Alan Arkin.

The story behind American Sweethearts is actually somewhat unique and refreshing. Gwen Harrison (Zeta-Jones) and Eddie Thomas (Cusack) have made almost twenty movies together. We The People love them, and thus they have been dubbed America’s Sweethearts. After falling in love many times in the various cheesy roles they’ve played, they fell in love in real life and decided to tie the knot.

One day, as Eddie and Gwen were working on one of their movies, she found herself taking a roll in the hay with a man named Hector, who portrays himself as an immigrant from Spain. Almost immediately, Gwen tosses Eddie out and he has a nervous breakdown. Eddie goes to some holistic clinic that is supposed to turn people around in two weeks – yet he for some reason has taken a year and a half and he’s still certifiable. His wellness guide (Arkin) is doing everything he can to push Eddie out into the real world and away from his clinic.

We The People are very mad at Eddie and Gwen for ruining our Hollywood fantasy marriage. In fact, We The People are so mad that when Gwen appears on Larry King Live, all the callers who telephone into the show to speak with Gwen tell her how big of fans they are – but refuse to see any of her movies because of the breakup.

And you might as to yourself, “Why would Gwen be on Larry King Live?” The answer is pretty simple. She and Eddie managed to somehow get together for one last hurrah and star in a film called Time After Time, which was directed by Hollywood’s most notable (and eccentric) director of all time, Hal Weidmann (Walken). There’s only one problem – Weidmann won’t let the studio see the film until the screening for film critics.

This, of course, makes the studio president Dave Kingman (Tucci) very nervous. His studio has produced nothing but flops for the last few years and Time After Time is going to determine whether or not the studio stays afloat or goes bankrupt. Dave needs one thing – he needs Hollywood’s best film junket director, Lee Phillips (Crystal), to really promote the heck out of the film, present it to the film critics, and sell the movie without ever actually seeing the movie himself. However, Dave has another problem. Dave just got done firing Lee a few days before.

Eventually, with the promise that Dave would give Lee his job back if Lee is successful, Lee agrees to do this junket and thus, our real story begins.

We The People discover that Gwen is about as shallow a human being as anyone can get. She has her poor sister Kiki (Roberts) acting like her personal slave. We learn that Eddie, who seems to be crazy, really is just confused. We learn that Dave is the exact scum of the earth that we thought he was in the first moments of the film. Finally, we learn that Lee is just your typical Hollywood butt-kisser willing to do anything to get the job done.

And, don’t worry. I’ve not given away more than ten minutes of the movie. There’s plenty for you to see, if you’d even want to see it.

While I’ve stated above that the story itself was unique and refreshing, that doesn’t exactly translate into my liking this film. I have several problems with the film, and I’ll admit that part of it is my sheer dislike for Zeta-Jones as an actress.

I’ve seen a few of Zeta-Jones films, including this one, Traffic and Entrapment. I think that she is perhaps one of the single most overrated actresses in Hollywood. I find her to be totally lacking talent and she seems to be cast simply because of the way she looks. She’s not the first actress to get a part simply because of her body, but it would be nice if she had a smidgen of acting ability behind the body. In America’s Sweethearts she doesn’t do any better. I sat there cringing each time she had a part and having to deal with her lack of her inability to deliver her lines with class.

Cusack, on the other hand, did a superb job portraying Eddie. I’ve not seen him since 1997’s Con Air. His ability leads the audience not only to believe that he was Eddie, but that he was going through the torn emotions he was experiencing. We The People would also find that he delivered his funnier lines flawlessly.

Roberts was a bit of a disappointment, and that’s really too bad because I respect her acting ability. Perhaps a bit of it had to do with clueless male writers trying desperately to write in-depth female roles and deal with emotional parts. I was also disappointed because Roberts had what seemed to be a fairly minor role in the film. She didn’t really – but it just seemed that way. It was more forgettable than anything else. I felt as if her talent was being stifled and wasted.

Crystal did a fair job at best. He was okay Billy Crystal (see Analyze This, My Giant and Forget Paris). He wasn’t what I would classify as great Billy Crystal (as in City Slickers, When Harry Met Sally or Throw Momma From The Train). While I would say that his acting was okay, I am really going to hammer his writing ability.

If I look at his writing credits, they include some of the movies I’ve just listed (My Giant and Forget Paris). I think that this movie was probably the least of the three listed, and I really didn’t care for either of the other two. The movie got long and drawn out, and the juvenile humor was far below what I would normally associate Crystal with. He seemed more interested in being like the Farrelly Brothers in Dumb and Dumber than being witty (there’s one scene in the movie where we actually have to watch – more than once – Eddie being mistaken for masturbating in public in a truly stupid circumstance).

And, as I stated above, I was very disappointed with what could have truly been a fantastic part given to Roberts – it just never materialized. Crystal nailed the “man” problems to a tee, but he clearly has no idea how to write a similar part for females.

Part of the film’s problems could likely be attributed to the director, Joe Roth. This is Roth’s fourth film that he could add to his resume as director – the other three being Revenge of the Nerds II, Streets of Gold and Coupe de Ville. Perhaps with better direction this film could have moved faster and been more interesting than it was. Then again, maybe even a great director couldn’t save this film.

America’s Sweethearts is rated PG-13 by the MPAA due to crude jokes and sexual innuendo along with some foul language. It isn’t anything that will surprise most kids over the age of ten and they might actually like the film better than adults would. Then again, they may find this movie as boring as I did after the jokes die down. After all, it runs almost two very long hours.

This disappointing flick could have been so much more than it was, but alas, I’m going to recommend that We The People just stay away. I enjoy romantic comedies, but this one is too far off the mark.


Recommended:
No

Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 13 and Older