Woody has assembled a bevy of beauties for his production, of course. Elizabeth Berkely surfaces again as Jil, office secretary, after having been buried by the religious right at the beginning of her career in 1995 Showgirls. Charlize Theron, sexy and beautiful as heiress Laura Kensington, and Helen Hunt as Fitz, office organizer hired by insurance agency owner Chris Magruder (Dan Akroyd).

Woody plays C. W. Briggs, twerpish insurance investigator who always solves the case, but threatened by Fitz with whom he had a hate at first sight experience. He thinks she wants to get rid of him, he's probably right.

The office employees attend a night club featuring an act by Voltan, a hypnotist who calls up Fitz and Briggs and puts them into a trance. Constantinople is the word used to control Briggs and Madagascar, Fitz. During the show he has them fall for each other, Fitz embraces Briggs and declares her love. Snap and they're awake and back to enmity.

But Voltan, erstwhile Polgar, has other plans which involve using the pair to commit jewel thefts. He phones Woody, says "Constantinople" and sends him out on his mission to steal the Kensington jewels. Since Woody's insurance agency has set up the security system at their mansion, it is an easy accomplishment.

The jewels are stolen, Woody has to investigate having no memory of what he has done. Enter Laura Kensington, young beautiful, who meets Briggs and immediately finds short, homely, aging, semi-hysterical Woody Allen with his bald pate irresistible.

(I drift off to last week at the library when I was searching for books for Epinions reviews and a tall, tanned, dark haired, dark eyed, athletic handsome Adonis in shorts wearing earphones and a radio walked by me. Irresistible, I accidentally walked by him as much as possible. There he was sitting at a computer, books in arm I sat in the seat next to him. Maybe he was not only gorgeous but brilliant too! I peered over--typing an e-mail. Wearing a radio set myself, I enquired about his. He was polite, the radio was old. I discussed radios. He crushed me with "Consumer Reports" has a lot of information.)

Back to Jade Dragon which I am writing about, one of eventually several thousand reviews, which I will post on the Internet to be eagerly read by millions who want to know how much I liked this movie.

I liked it. Yes I did. It was cute. I liked all the actors in it. It's a schmaltzy story line meant to be a take off on the old gumshoe detective novels and night club scene, the Snake Dance accompanying the turbaned hypnotist. Glittering chandeliers and lamp lighted cocktail tables.

The mystery of course is not does the man behind the jewel thefts get caught but does Woody get the girl, since it begins to appear that perhaps Briggs and Fitz might really like each other after all.

(I fade out in the middle of writing the Epinion to yesterday. I'm again at the library, the same time, and I run into a man I've talked to on and off for two years since I first sat next to him at the computer. We're engaged in animated conversation and--Adonis walks by. His shirt is open down the front, the wire from the headphones trails down to the radio at his waist. His sleeveless shirt shows off his tanned muscular arms. He pauses a few feet from the end of the bench, I notice him, but continue talking. He walks away, and then after going into the other end of the room, circles around and walks by, slowing down and seeming to listen to our conversation. I glance briefly at him, but having no hope continue to talk with my friend. Adonis walks slowly by again, as if he were a male model on a ramp to pose tour.)

I pull myself back to this opinion. Millions are awaiting this, they want to know if Woody will get the girl no matter how old he gets, no matter whether he's bald and bespectacled. Is it because he's a man and it's what's inside that counts, not what's on the outside? Is it because he's rich and writes his story the way he wants it to end?

(I think back to Adonis and wonder if I won Power Ball would it make any difference? Or should I take up screen writing and write my own story?)


Recommended:
Yes

Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children up to Age 4