After watching "Ghosts of Mars" I was starting to think that powers that be in Hollywood had it in for me personally. After all, I sat patiently through the none-too-subtle grossout humor in "Evolution" and the beyond-absurd multiple endings of AI. Couldn't they just give me one acceptable sci-fi flick this summer?

Sadly, the answer is no - a thousand times no. Don't let "Ghosts of Mars" fool you. Despite what seems to be a promising cast in action vets Natasha "Chick from Species" Henstridge and "Brother from Another Planet" Ice Cube plus a kickin' Pam Grier and Joanna Cassidy, this flick is nothing more than a bunch of outtakes crumpled into a feature-length eyeroll fest.

It doesn't start out half bad, with a matriarchal society leading a mining operation on Mars. In a flashback, they show Henstridge rolling into town on an otherwise deserted train, handcuffed to a bunk. Then in yet another flashback. . . after flashback. . . after flashback, a tale of unimpressive horror unfolds with agonizing slowness.

Basically, Henstridge and a bunch of future zombie fodder were assigned to go pick up accused murder Ice Cube from a boondock town. It soon turns out that most of the miners were converted into crazed, self-mutilating punk rockers following possession by the never fully explained "Ghosts of Mars."

Pam Grier has a few nice moments in the beginning as the no-nonsense commander and Ice Cube also has a couple good lines, but once the movie degenerates into an extra-extended play of Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video (which of course was also directed by Carpenter), it too gives up the ghost. As you watch Henstridge pull one boneheaded play after another - for a woman with such obvious dark roots, she's a pretty classic dumb blonde here - you'll end up being more bored than scared by the endless parade of decapitations and stabbings. Most of them are so poorly filmed they're more laughable than gross.

Even worse, there's pretty much not one thing in "Ghosts of Mars" that you haven't seen before. Rough and tumble Martian mining town? Done much better in "Total Recall." Pierced zombie freaks roaming the desert? Let's see. . . every Mad Max movie, and if you substitute a burned-out city for the desert, Carpenter's "Escape from New York" too. Ice Cube being a badass? Personally, I preferred his "Deep Blue" version.

As other reviewers have noted, an "ambiguous" ending doesn't help much either, although there's not much that could have saved this horror show. And frankly, after you've sat through this entire movie it's really not too hard to understand why people might start frantically peeling off their own skin after being exposed to John Carpenter.


Recommended:
No

Suitability For Children: Not suitable for Children of any age