aaronreview's Full Review: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
It's that time again. It's time to ask aaronreview about the latest news from England.
Q: What is new smash hit to come from the British Isles?
A: Those kooky British people did it again. With all the great achievements in the entertainment industry this one tops the charts. What I am speaking about is of course, the Viking-O-Meter. According to the BBC, you can take a short quiz to find out how much Viking blood is in your family! Try it for yourself, at this url:
Q: Um... right, but wouldn't the book turned movie, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, be a less inane and better hit to mention then the Viking-O-Meter?
A: Well yeah, but Harry Potter has nothing on The Beatles.
Q: I fail to see the comparison.
A: Me too but since everything else from the UK is compared to The Beatles we may as well compare Harry Potter as well. I'm sure Radiohead is considering an origin change to save themselves the trouble of living in The Beatles footsteps.
Q: I haven't read any of the books, so what's it about?
A: In the movie, Harry Potter, your typical living under the staircase boy is sent away to a boarding school for magic users. With the years of living in a oppressive household within a dark closet and interest in the occult, Harry Potter's high school years will be spent as a 'goth' coming to terms with himself in a teen show on the WB.
Q: I didn't know they had boarding schools for wizards. I always thought there was some ancient rite to become wizard.
A: There are all types of schools for wizards. In fact there is probably spam in your inbox right now where you can buy your wizard diploma for a small fee.
Q: Isn't that a little unsafe, having an untrained practitioner of magic in the work force?
A: Not at all. Doctors do it all the time. How else do you think tobacco companies generate their statistics?
Q: I see, so what did you think about the movie?
A: I was a mythical experience that took me back to my youth where I fantasized about becoming a wizard. After repeated mishaps that involved lots of lighter fluid and setting the garage on fire, I was forced to fall back on comedy writing.
Q: Tough break.
A: You're telling me. Anyway, the movie's imagery captured Harry Potter's world in an astounding and artistic manner.
Q: That was so thoughtful, considering you're a comedy writer.
A: Actually I was referring to one the students that repeatedly had his face blackened by backfired spells throughout the course of the film. I was beginning to think the age-old joke of backfired spells was lost but the movie revitalized it in a new and comical way. Although if you are planning to see Harry Potter, or even if your kids are dragging you to see it, you must see the sporting event scene.
Q: Do tell.
A: Actually I won't, that will spoil the movie. The ending, however, seemed to lack despite the excellent build up during the film. Due to the length of the movie, the end was a bit rushed.
Q: Do you really think the producers rushed based purely on length?
A: You try and keep your typical American child to sit in one place for during a fifteen minute wait at the doctor's office much less a three hour movie. I'm sure that once the movie hits the box office, the theaters will start offering tranquilizer darts to the parents at the door.
Q: I heard that the cast was talented, is this true?
A: Mostly definitely, all the cast members nailed their character perfectly. Unfortunately the nails were removed from the final cut. Alan Rickman, who played Professor Severus Snape, the local potions teacher at the magic boarding school (Timothy Leary played Snape in The Beatles version), with all the access to magic tomes and ancient texts could probably now answer the age-old question.
Q: And what question is that?
A: How does one cut somebody's heart out with a spoon?
Q: So how did you see the show considering it actually hasn't been released yet?
A: Never underestimate the power of the sneak preview. A sneak preview is used by radio stations throughout the country to generate the call in promotional contests. It was invented by a merciless DJ, whose primary goal was to get people to scream the call numbers of a radio station. The DJ then played the recording of the screaming people over the radio in a diabolical scheme to annoy the general public.
Q: Egad! That's horrible.
A: Yes I know. It's such troubling times we live in. Luckily enough I didn't have to endure such humility to see the movie, I was given the tickets from a friend and I only had to scream his name.
Q: Don't even go there! This is review about a children's movie!
A: How else are we to teach the youth about advancement in the corporate world? You'd be surprised what you get while screaming with a shotgun.
Q: Prison time.
A: Yeah but after I got out I got a ticket!
Q: For assault with deadly weapon, so if you saw the movie before it was released and write about it would that make you a movie critic?
A: Yes. Us comedy writers are especially good movie critics. With our unbaised analytical eye, how else will you know that the Minster of Silly Walks, John Cleese, partially removed his head during the movie?
Q: Really? Wow, you've sold me I'm going to see the movie as soon as it's released.
A: I never thought humorous reviews were that useful.
Q: It's called sarcasm. I'm going to read a real online review about the movie.
A: What did you expect from a little A with a colon after it?
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