I got to see Spider-Man for free, which was pretty cool. However, unlike when you’ve gotten the opportunity to see a crappy movie for free, and then you’re glad that you didn’t have to pay for it, in this case it was a totally awesome movie, and seeing it for free drove the experience up into the orgasmic range. That was Friday, so the buzz has worn off by now, which makes this a good time to write about it.

But first, goodness gracious but there were a lot of previews! I counted eight: Men in Black II (Will Smith is hot!), Eight Legged Freaks (David Arquette is hot!), Minority Report (Tom Cruise is hot!), The Sum of All Fears (Ben Affleck is hot!), XXX (Vin Diesel is hot!), Bad Company (Chris Rock is hot!), Mr. Deeds (Adam Sandler is hot!), and Stuart Little 2 (Michael J. Fox is hot! Oh, come on. My other choices were Jonathan Lipnicki, Nathan Lane, and a tiny white mouse!). And then the movie started.

Spider-Man is the story of a quiet nerd named Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire [Wonder Boys, The Cider House Rules]), who for years has been in love with Mary Jane Watson (Kirsten Dunst [Bring it On, Drop Dead Gorgeous]), literally the girl next door. He has been raised by his Aunt May (Rosemary Harris [My Life So Far, Tom & Viv]) and Uncle Ben (Cliff Robertson [Mach 2, Melting Pot]), and he has only one really good friend, Harry Osborn (James Franco [Whatever it Takes, Freaks and Geeks]), whose father is wealthy industrialist Norman Osborne (Willem Dafoe [Shadow of the Vampire, American Psycho]). One day, everything changes when Peter is bitten by a genetically engineered spider whose DNA splices itself into his own, granting him the superpowers that will become his trademark as Spider-Man. The same day, an experiment goes awry at OSCORP, where Norman is transformed into the Green Goblin, a fiendish perversion of the ultimate soldier. When Peter’s life is tragically touched by crime, he is motivated to begin a double life as a vigilante superhero. Meanwhile, personal setbacks drive Norman’s alter-ego to more and more horrific acts of destruction. As hostility mounts between the two, Mary Jane is caught in the crossfire.

Tobey Maguire is adorable beyond adorability. Of course, I’ve always gone for the “dorky-cute” type, and he does sort of fit into that. He’s definitely got mild-mannered down pat, as well as dumbstruck love. I don’t know that I’d call him a great actor, but he fits this part very well. Peter is very intelligent, but he has been too timid to ever tell Mary Jane how he feels. He has a passion for photography, and he very much loves his Uncle Ben and Aunt May. As Spider-Man, Peter acquires a powerful sense of justice and a greater sense of responsibility than he had before. He also acquires a really nice physique that had me slobbering all over the theater seats. Tobey was particularly fun to watch in the exuberant scenes where Peter explores his new powers. Incidentally, for those of you who don’t know, his main abilities are jumping, web spinning, and a “spider-sense” that borders on precognition and contributes to his amazing reflexes.

If you’ve been reading my reviews for a while, then you already know that I love Kirsten Dunst. Sure she’s pretty, and talented, but there’s also something undefinable about her, a certain je ne sais quoi, that gives her an amazing vibrant spark on the screen. Mary Jane Watson, “MJ” to her friends, is a sweet girl who is very popular. She keeps her troubled home life hidden from her classmates, but Peter knows about it (being her neighbor and all). She has high aspirations and a strong spirit, so the only question is whether or not she will stop dating total losers.

Speaking of total losers, there’s Harry Osborn. The thing to remember about Harry is that he’s the biggest pussy every to grace the silver screen. Seriously, he’s a complete wimp, devoid of balls, convictions, or a personality. He’s not even remotely sympathetic, and he’s not supposed to be. James Franco did a good job of pulling off this effect, although I’m not sure if that really commends him. To be honest, he looks pretty pathetic next to Willem Dafoe, who easily turns in this movie’s best performance. Perhaps that was the intent. One can hope, at least. Dafoe’s performance is nuanced, which must have been difficult with such an over-the-top role. The Green Goblin is your standard cackling, obsessed, maniacal genius. However, he is also an uncontrollable force inside Norman Osborne. Norman is initially horrified by this manifestation of his id, but later comes to accept it as a means to an end. However, the Green Goblin is fiendishly delighted by the cruelty of the means themselves. Dafoe conveys all of this excellently.

As supporting players, Rosemary Harris and Cliff Robertson perform well as Aunt May and Uncle Ben. They portray the characters as kind, gentle souls who love Peter very much. I particularly liked Rosemary Harris; I think she was perhaps just a touch more convincing, with slightly better delivery.

The action scenes are well integrated with the special effects. Peter or Spider-Man will be engaged in some martial arts fighting, when he’ll suddenly take up a tactical position on a wall or ceiling. Or everything will slow down around him as his spider-sense kicks in. When Spider-Man swings among the buildings, it looks like it really is happening within the ongoing scene, because the cars are moving below him and so forth. Meanwhile, the Green Goblin has some high-tech weaponry, which made for a particularly good shot when Spider-Man was dodging those flying ninja stars. Still, I can’t help but question the Green Goblin’s decision to use the ninja stars, when we know that he has that neat-o disruptor grenade that would have totally vaporized him. Well, since they never really explain where all of that high-tech stuff comes from (I know, I know, military contracting.), I guess it doesn’t really matter. Also, I assume that the Green Goblin was primarily computer generated, just because I don’t think that the shape and movement of his body armor is physically possible. However that was my only clue that this was CGI, because it was that good.

The wardrobe people did some good work here, as well. Peter’s original “costume” was well conceived, and the final version was a sleek and accurate reproduction of the image from the comic books. Kirsten Dunst looks awesome in her red wig, and you wouldn’t believe how hard she was trying to turn me straight, in this one scene where she gets soaking wet and she’s wearing this really clingy top. The music was also quite good. It was done by Danny Elfman (Planet of the Apes (2001), Sleepy Hollow), and in many ways it reminds of John Williams, what with all the strings and winds and drums pouring in from every direction. However, the underlying tone is more suggestive of action, and less theatric.

There were a few shortcomings in the film, though, mostly related to the script. I’ll tell you about a few of them that aren’t really spoilers. Let’s see, first off there’s his nice shiny costume. The movie never explains where it comes from. I mean, I don’t know about you, but I’d have no idea where to even go to buy a bolt of spandex. Once I had some spandex, I certainly wouldn’t have a clue as to how I was supposed to turn it into a superhero costume. I mean, what stitch should I use? Do I need a sewing machine? How can I make sure it will breathe when I’m done? If I don’t know this stuff, how are we supposed to believe that Peter Parker does? Also, there’s some of that standard unsuspendable (not technically a word) disbelief with regards to the heroines inability to ascertain the true identity of the superhero. In the Superman series, the glasses were such a giveaway. I mean, nobody has ever failed to recognize me when I’ve shown up to school in my glasses. In this case, Peter’s voice should really give up the charade. There was at least one occasion, maybe two, where Spider-Man says something to MJ that should immediately trigger the memory of something that Peter said to her, only it doesn’t happen. And you’d really think she would figure it out once the Green Goblin singles her out as bait for Spider-Man. I mean, come on, does she really think that all this is happening because she’s the object of Spider-Man’s affections? Seriously, as far as she knows, she only ever met the guy twice, so she’d have to be totally deluding herself. Ugh, and the last scene! I won’t say what actually happens, just that the sudden “epiphany” is totally unbelievable, as is the response.

Spider-Man was a great movie, definitely worthy of a sequel, and I might even see it again in the theater. But is it the be-all and end-all of American cinema? No. Still, it was a fun view, and Tobey Maguire really is incredibly cute. So go see it, already. Everyone else has seen it five times by now.


Recommended:
Yes