Few words can sum up the vomitous disgust and nauseating trauma I experienced while viewing this movie for the first (and last) time at my local cinema. My tongue (or fingers, as it may be) simply cannot conjure up the horror unveiled before my virgin eyes as I witnessed this cinematic holocaust. I pray to God I never view a movie of this un-calibre ever again. But if the fates be cruel and I do end up in that situation ever again, I also beseech the Holy One that I die before the fart jokes ensue.

Now, where should i start with this filmic abomination. I suppose the plot would be as good a place as any. The basic premise that establishes this film is that our heroic five-some of Fred (Freddie Prinze Jr.), Daphne (Sarah Michelle Gellar), Shaggy (Matthew Lillard), Velma (Linda Cardellini), and Scooby Doo (Neil Fanning) -- altogether known as Mystery Inc. -- have been torn apart by a dispute that occurs shortly after their collective apprehension of the movie's fleeting introductory villain. They each head their separate ways until all five are brought back together after hearing of the nefarious goings-on at the eponymous Spooky Island resort, headed by none other than Emile Mondavarious (Rowan Atkinson, in the only even marginally amusing role this travesty has to offer). The Scooby gang then reunite, reconcile, and head on their quest to solve the mystery behind the magic spell that seems to be behind the roboticization of the departing disgruntled teeny boppers.

Since I'm not one to splurge on plot details, I'll leave them be for those self-mutilators out there who desire to inflict upon themselves the tortures entombed within Scooby-Doo. As far as the acting herein is concerned, not one main character is worthy of even the slightest regard -- even the perennially robust Sarah Michelle Gellar, who here seems lifeless and limp, quite unlike her television counterpart (that is, Buffy the Vampire Slayer). Rowan Atkinson proves to be an amusing distraction for all of the 5 minutes he's present onscreen, but his presence is overall far too short and nowhere near enough to redeem the overall putridity (is that a word?) of the rest of the film.

The direction is certainly nothing to be revelled in, despite the fact that Raja Gosnell isn't wholely devoid of talent (as displayed in the pleasantly [if fleetingly] engaging Never Been Kissed). But this movie is clearly one in which the director's baton has been scuttled in deference to that of the all-knowing, all-seeing, all-powerful producer's wand. Of-the-minute, nauseating pop songs fill the production from beginning to end and only add to the fermentation factor. Here is clearly an example of corporate gluttony and MTV marketing gone amuck.

And now we come to the technical elements that compose Scooby-Doo. Not even here can I give any recommendation, since the visual effects are of the worst sort I've seen since Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and since the production design is gaudy enough to induce projectile vomiting. The costume design is certainly true to that of the animated series, but this is one instance in which I'm forced to contemplate whether or not that really is a good thing.

Well, I guess that about wraps it up for now. If you're really in the mood for an engagingly comical kids' flick the whole family can enjoy, I would heartily recommend the recent Disney release Lilo and Stitch -- which exceeds this heap of rank, maggot-infested horse feces by light years. In short, AVOID THIS FILM AT ALL COSTS. Otherwise, all you'll be doing is telling the corpulent elite of Hollywood that we the American public really are a horde of brainless idiots (not altogether unlike Freddie Prinze Jr.). And that, I believe, is the last thing we need to be communicating to those who steer the course of our nation's popular culture.


Recommended:
No

Suitability For Children: Not suitable for Children of any age