The Country Bears deserves some kind of special Oscar for audacity. It gathers all the singing talent it can find and then subordinates it to a plot that's an animatronic remake of The Blues Brothers. What's next--the surviving Beatles in Chuck E. Cheese: The Musical?

The story, such as it is, concerns a young bear--cutely named Beary, and voiced by the quickly-selling-out Haley Joel Osment--who discovers that his human family is an adopted one. The movie is so eager to get its silly musical act going that it never explains how Beary never figured out his adopted roots for ten years, or even (shades of Stuart Little) why humans adopted him as one of their own in the first place.

When Beary finally realizes he's not "one of them," he runs away from home, for the sole purpose of reuniting his favorite band, The Country Bears, and saving their beloved music hall from the whims of a ruthless banker (Christopher Walken, here proving that his slumming in Wayne's World 2 wasn't just a career fluke).

From there, the movie proceeds to a lot of slapstick (there's a chase scene in a car wash that's astounding in its lameness), sped-up trick photography (always a sign of desperation at the screenplay level), and a cynical amount of Disney synergy. Gradually, it dawns on you that the sole reason for this movie's existence is to promote the Bears' animatronic stage show at Disney World (on which the movie was based) and get mileage out of a lot of cutesy bear toys at The Disney Store.

The whole point of movie extras--those wordless actors in the background--is that they're meant to blend in with the movie's atmosphere. But in this movie, they stand out like hundreds of sore thumbs, feebly trying to express groupie-like devotion to a group of mechanical bears that wouldn't make it to the third ring of a circus. As made-up movie bands go, Spinal Tap had more going for them.

This only compounds the movie's real tragedy--gathering big musical names such as Willie Nelson, Bonnie Raitt, Elton John, and Queen Latifah (when will someone give this powerhouse a movie of her own?), and allowing them only enough screen time to make fun of their careers.

Here's an idea for a movie musical--a movie exec develops a conscience and drives around the country, allowing big music acts to each do a solo number as penance for giving them only cameos in a movie about a stupid kiddie stage show.

The Country Bears is rated G.

Recommended:
No

Suitability For Children: Not suitable for Children of any age