Die Another Day was meant to be a celebration of all things Bond – what with this film being the twentieth in the official series and its release year, 2002, being the 40th anniversary of the franchise. Instead, it was a denigration of the series and the worst Bond film ever made. Since the casting isn't all that bad, I suppose the blame for this debacle has to rest with the director, writers, and production team.

Historical Background: For the first time in the Broccoli series of Bond films, the producers went with a non-English director, Lee Tamahori, born in 1950 in Wellington, New Zealand. Tamahori is not totally without English roots, however, since his mother was British and his father Maori. Tamahori first worked in the film industry as a boom operator in the late seventies. By the early eighties, he had moved up to assistant director. Tamahori made his mark as a director with Once Were Warriors (1994), a penetrating study of urban Maori life that had phenomenal success in New Zealand. That film earned Tamahori a move to Hollywood where his first American film was the noir thriller and period piece, Mulholland Falls (1996), which was not all that well received. Tamahori had better luck with The Edge (1997), an outdoor adventure starring Alec Baldwin and Anthony Hopkins. After Along Came a Spider (2000), Tamahori directed the present film, Die Another Day (2002), the 20th film in the official Bond series. Later, Tamahori helmed the sequel to XXX (2002), called XXX: State of the Union (2005), starring Ice Cube and Willem Dafoe.

The Story: The pre-credit sequence opens off the Pukch'ong Coast of North Korea, where three British agents in black wetsuits, including James Bond (Pierce Brosnan), have come ashore, surfing in on huge waves, in the vicinity of Colonel Tar-Sun Moon's headquarters near the de-militarized zone separating North and South Korea. A false homing signal is sent to misdirect a nearby helicopter carrying Mr. Van Bierk, who is about to trade diamonds for weapons with Col. Moon. When the helicopter lands, the British agents seize the passengers. Bond, who resembles Bierk in appearance, impersonates him for the transaction with Col. Moon. Meanwhile, we watch Col. Moon going through his morning workout, repeatedly karate kicking a sack containing his psychotherapist. Apparently Moon has anger management problems. When the helicopter with Bond lands, Moon emerges with his right hand henchman Zao (Rick Yune) to culminate the deal. Bond is in possession of so-called "conflict diamonds" to barter with while Moon has hover crafts that can float over mine fields as well as flame throwers and automatic weapons.

Unfortunately for Bond, Zao also has a communicator linked to a remote informant, who identifies Bond as a British agent and assassin. Col. Moon destroys Bond's helicopter with a tank buster and seizes Bond for execution. Bond triggers a previously planted bomb with his wristwatch and used the confusion to flee and take control of one of the hovercraft vehicles. As the entire base goes up in a series of explosions, Moon escapes on another hovercraft, with Bond in pursuit. After a pitched battle involving machineguns, flamethrowers, and fisticuffs, Bond ultimately sends Moon to what appears to be a watery death at the base of a magnificent waterfall. A Korean platoon led by Moon's father, General Moon, takes Bond prisoner and he is soon being tortured for information, though he provides none. The opening credits now play against the title song "Die Another Day" performed by Madonna and a montage of images including fiery and icy female figures, close-up irises, and Bond being tortured in a variety of sadistic ways, with fire, molten metal implements, beatings, and scorpions.

As the film proper begins, it is fourteen months later and Bond is still in captivity, with long hair, a full beard, and filthy skin and clothing. General Moon makes a rare appearance at the detention facility to encourage Bond to talk. "Your people have abandoned you. Why stay silent?" demands Gen. Moon. Like Bond, Gen. Moon wants to know who was his son's ally in the West, but that item of information is unknown to both parties. Moon has Bond taken away for execution, or so it seems. James is lined up in front of several riflemen, but then, unexpectedly, he is told to turn around and walk out onto a misty bridge. He crosses paths with Zao, for whom he is being exchanged. The hatred between the two men is palpable. On the other side, his own people take Bond into custody. One man, CIA agent Damian Falco (Michael Madsen), is none too pleased to see Bond. He suspects Bond gave up information during his captivity that cost the life of one of his best agents. Bond is confined to a British Secret Service facility on a boat anchored in Hong Kong harbor, where he is subjected to physical examinations and psychological assessments for evidence of torture or indoctrination. Even the arrival of M (Judi Dench) provides no relief. She tells him that his double-0 status has been rescinded. "You're no use to anyone now."

Bond doesn't know the meaning of "quit," however, and uses a medical ruse (temporarily stopping his own heart by sheer willpower) to draw the unsuspecting medics into his room. He quickly overcomes the medical personnel and "checks out," but not before thanking the nurse who had briefly provided mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Bond dives overboard, swims to shore, and walks into a luxury hotel, still wearing his hospital pajamas. It takes the intervention of an old acquaintance, hotel manager Chang (Ho Yi), but Bond is given the President's suite and a masseuse. Chang doubles as a Chinese spy and Bond strikes a deal. Zao killed three Chinese agents, so Beijing is pleased to put up the money for a plane ticket that will take Bond to Cuba where Zao is presently hiding.

In Cuba, Bond contacts a Cuban smuggler Raoul (Emilio Echevarria) and, for a price, acquires information as to the whereabouts of Zao, as well as a gun and a "fast car." The car, an old fifties vintage convertible with fins, is not up to Bond's usual standards, but it's all that a freelancing rogue agent can afford. Bond makes his way to The Gran Palacio Hotel, from where he can catch a ferry to Isla Los Organos, an island with a Gene Therapy facility where Zao is undergoing plastic surgery and genetic manipulation to acquire a new visage. At the Gran Palacio, Bond encounters his female counterpart, the lovely Jinx (Halle Berry), who is as adept at sexual repartee, one-liners, and one-night stands as is Bond. When Bond introduces himself as an ornithologist, she looks him in the crotch and replies, "Now there's a mouthful." With dialog like this, we begin to realize we're in for a long film.

Jinx and Bond separately make their way to Isla Los Organos, each intending to assassinate Zao. Bond finds Zao partway into his makeover, but he misses his man and Zao gets away. Meanwhile, Jinx is blowing up the entire clinic. Zao hops into a waiting helicopter, while Jinx has to escape guards by somersaulting backward off a cliff into the ocean below. She is then whisked away in a speedboat. Bond's only lead as to where Zao might have gone is some conflict diamonds hidden inside a pendant that he had yanked from Zao's neck during their fight. One is engraved G.G., which stands for Grace Corporation, in Iceland, owned by Gustav Graves (Toby Stephens).

Bond flies into London where Graves is arriving like a media star to the glitter of flashbulbs and a gush of questions from reporters. We learn that Gustav Graves never sleeps, is training for the Olympic fencing team, owns a diamond mine in Iceland, and is involved in space ventures. At the fencing club, a fencing instructor, Verity (Madonna), introduces Bond to Graves and the two peacocks are soon engaged in a high-stakes sword fight, to culminate with the first blood from the torso. Bond wins but not before the pair has damaged several antiques and paintings belonging to the posh club. Graves's beautiful assistant, Maranda Frost (Rosamund Pike), is left to smooth things over with the club.

As Bond is preparing to leave the club, a messenger hands him a large key. It's a key with a special meaning in spy circles that Bond well understands. James, who is still an "abandoned agent, " is to meet M in an abandoned underground rail station. M believes that Bond is onto something with Graves, but Graves is politically connected. She wants Bond to continue his investigation "unofficially." Bond is nevertheless entitled to the aid of Q (John Cleese), who comes through with an Aston Martin that can be rendered invisible, a new watch, and an ultrahigh frequency single digit sonic agitator that can shatter bulletproof glass. Q also runs Bond through a training exercise, generated by a 3-dimensional audiovisual simulator, to sharpen his reflexes. M meets with Amanda Frost, who, we discover, is an undercover British Secret Service agent. M informs her that Bond will be joining her effort to investigate Graves. M warns her about Bond's womanizing but the frosty Miss Frost assures M that she thinks it would be foolish to get involved with someone within the community, especially James Bond.

In Iceland, Graves is about to unveil his new gift to mankind, which he has dubbed Icarus. Bond, Jinx, and Miranda Frost are all on hand. Graves has built an elaborate ice palace for his guests. Icarus, it turns out, is a solar reflector that can concentrate sunlight and direct it to any part of the world, thus turning night into day at the touch of a switch. What he doesn't demonstrate to the public is that Icarus can also be used as a powerful weapon. He'll save that demonstration for three Korean generals invited especially for the occasion. Behind the scenes, we learn that Graves is really Col. Moon, having been made over by gene therapy and plastic surgery to look every bit like an ugly Englishman. Zao, still his chief henchman, now has a diamond-studded face, to hide pox marks left by Bond's interruption of the procedure in Cuba. Other henchmen on hand are Mr. Kil (Lawrence Makoare), a massive black man, and the blond Vlad (Mikhail Gorevoy), the brains behind the Icarus. Without much hesitation, Bond and Jinx each go about the business of trying to destroy the Icarus device. Bond snoops about a bit and almost gets caught. He has to use Miss Frost as an alibi, which requires kissing her passionately for the benefit of some on-lookers. Oh the things poor James has to do for England! James and Miranda decide they'd better continue with the deception in James's bedroom.

Meanwhile, Jinx penetrates Graves's secret facility, descending from the roof on a rope. She's discovered and tortured a bit by Zao, with Mr. Kil looking on. When Zao tires of the game, he leaves Jinx for Mr. Kil to slice with a laser, in a manner somewhat similar to a scene from Goldfinger. Bond comes to her rescue in the nick of time, but in the ensuing battle with Mr. Kil, the two men duke it out in a room in which multiple laser beams are circling about wildly. Despite being tied to the rack, Jinx manages to aim one of the lasers at the back of Mr. Kil's skull. The beam drills straight through the henchman's cranium, emerging from his mouth.

Bond now works his way into Graves's office and gets the drop on the arch-villain. Bond has figured out that Graves is really Col. Moon. Samantha joins the pair, apparently as backup for Bond, but, in reality, she's working for Moon and had already emptied Bond's gun while it was under the pillow in their bed. Suddenly, Bond knows who the traitor was who exposed him in North Korea fourteen months earlier, but he's helpless to do much about it. Bond has one last device at his disposal, however. The floor in Graves's office is glass, so Bond shatters it with his ultrahigh frequency agitator. The entire group plummets to the next floor below and Bond is able to escape from the ice palace and reach Graves's turbo ice racer. Graves has Icarus at his disposal and uses it to pursue Bond. In the film's stupidest scene, featuring amateurish computer graphics, Bond uses the loose panel of the racer to surf atop the waves of effluent generated by Icarus's heat. Now we are truly in comic book territory.

Back in the ice castle, Jinx is having even less luck than Bond. She is cornered by Zao and Miss Frost and, after bearing the brunt of a few catty remarks from Miranda, gets locked in an ice chamber. Meanwhile, Bond makes his way back to his invisible Aston Martin. The car's presence is revealed, however, when a snowmobile crashes into it. Zao hops in his own souped-up sports car (apparently he has his own Q), conveniently equipped with a thermal scanner (just in case he should ever encounter an invisible car). So, in a battle of super-vehicles, Bond ultimately triumphs and pillars Zao with an icy chandelier.

Meanwhile, Graves, who has flown off to North Korea with Miranda, Vlad, and the Icarus controls, signals the Icarus to begin melting the ice palace, so that Jinx's holding chamber will fill up and drown her. Bond smashes the chamber walls, but poor Jinx is already frozen and comatose. He pulls her into his car and speeds to a steam pool to thaw her out, adding a bit of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to bring her around.

Now the scene shifts to Korea, where Col Moon (a.k.a. Graves) is about to launch an attack on South Korea, with the Icarus as his secret weapon to clear the demilitarized zone of mines as well as destroying Allied bases. As M and the arrogant Damian Falco are verbally sparring, Bond and Jinx arrive, having flown in to save the world again. The Americans attempt to destroy Icarus, but when that fails, it's up to Bond and Jinx to penetrate North Korea and kill Col. Moon. Bond is unable to get a clean shot, however, so the pair has to jump aboard Moon's plane as it's taking off. After a bit of Oedipal nonsense in which Col. Moon kills his father, Gen. Moon, Bond confronts Col. Moon and his henchmen while Jinx has to cope with Miranda, in a knockdown, drag-out cat fight.

Though Bond and Jinx prevail against the last of the villains, the plane is breaking up and it seems that the pair of superheros might have to go down together. They do, of course, but in the carnal sense rather than the mortal one. Meanwhile, back at MI6 headquarters, Miss Moneypenny has borrowed the 3-dimensional audiovisual simulator and is creating her own steamy program that has James finally sweeping her off her feet and pinning her to the desk. "Oh, James!" she moans, just as Q walks in.

Production Values: The script for this film was written by Neal Purvis and Robert Wade, who have worked together in the past, with mixed results. There's not much mixed about the results in this case. This screenplay is the pits. Wait . . . there is one nifty device. As part of the 40th anniversary motif, the writers worked in a reference to each of the other films. Bond aficionados can have a blast trying to find each one.

The dialog is clichéd and unimaginative, especially the most infantile sexual innuendos to which the series has ever descended. "I suppose Mr. Bond told you his theory of the Big Bang," muses Miranda, cattily, to Jinx. "I got the thrust of it," responds Jinx. I've spotted scenes like the one when Bond first meets Jinx played out in my back yard, when my pet dog encounters another. Bond and Jinx converse at a level like canines sniffing each others' butts. Overall, I like the trend in Bond films toward competent women, but here the relationship between Bond and Jinx ends up mainly reminiscent of Batman and Robin. Come to think of it, how come Batman and Robin hung around together so much in those goofy tights? Kinda makes you wonder.

Instead of gadgets of a clever or ingenuous variety, here we get ones straight out of fantasy comic books: a solar beam reflected by an orbiting satellite composed of diamonds (stolen right our of Diamonds Are Forever) and a car that disappears. If an invisible car, why not an invisible suit to render Bond himself invisible? Heck, you could put any film you like in the player and pretend Bond is walking through it unseen. Then you've got the genetic manipulation and plastic surgery bit, so any character can miraculously look like any other. Maybe Lucy Ricardo was really James Bond genetically modified. Some twists and plot devices reduce a film to such a level of narrative absurdity that it becomes no fun to watch. Purvis and Wade seem to have found several of those. If North Korean Col. Moon has the space technology to launch an orbiting satellite without any other country knowing it, how come he couldn't just cobble together a few nuclear warheads? Why does Zao have a car with a thermal sensing device as though just waiting for the day that he might encounter an invisible car?

Director Tamahori shows little understanding of the Bond tradition and turns Die Another Day into something like an imitation of the Bond imitators. This is Bond played out like a Jackie Chan film. The fights go on interminably with action, yes, but without any hint of suspense or drama. Compare the laser scene in Goldfinger with the one here in which Bond and Mr. Kil are engaged in a fist fight while a half-dozen or so laser beams circle about haphazardly. The first is compelling drama and the second a segment from a cartoon. The pre-credit sequence has some real tension and bite. Bond's torture, his abandonment by M, and his entrance into the luxury hotel in his pajamas – so far so good. After that, the film collapses into action clichés. The worst segment in the film is a woeful computer graphic segment that isn't even up to the standards of Saturday morning cartoons. Shame on the production personnel that allowed such garbage to sully the Bond series!

Brosnan lacks Connery's manliness as well as Moore's sardonic wit, but Brosnan's strength is an ability to show genuine emotions more easily than either of the two most widely cast Bond actors. That strength only works if the script provides scenes that require emotional range. That was the case for GoldenEye (1995) and The World Is Not Enough (1999) but not in Tomorrow Never Dies (1997) or the present film. It's not Brosnan's fault that the script fails to use his skills, but for viewers it's a major deficit.

The only production strengths for Die Another Day are the two lead women. I'll go on record that Rosamund Pike is the cat's meow and a very fine actress. It's been more than a year since I last saw Die Another Day, until today. I remember being impressed enough in 2002 with Rosamund Pike to look up her resume to see if there was another film worth watching that she'd been in. At the time, I decided that none of her other films looked promising, so I let go of the idea and pretty much forgot about her. Recently I reviewed Pride and Prejudice (2005) for Epinions and opined that the casting of Rosamund Pike as Jane Bennet was the most perfect aspect of the film. Quite honestly, it never occurred to me that she was the same actress who played Miranda Frost. When I saw her name on the cast list while writing this review today, I had to chuckle that I had twice fallen in love with the same actress without knowing it. Rosamund Pike was born on January 27, 1979, in London. Her resume lists ten films, at present, but the first four were made for television and the latest one is in post-production (Devil You Know (2006)). Die Another Day (2002) was her first film role on the big screen. She has since appeared in Promised Land (2004), The Libertine (2004), Pride and Prejudice (2005), and Doom (2005). She's 5'9" tall, plays the cello and the piano, speaks French and German, was Magna Cum Laude at Oxford's Wadham College, and was a college friend of Chelsea Clinton. Here's the clincher as to why she so good: you can turn her name into the anagram "a supremo kind." Pike won the 2003 Empire Award for Best Debut for her performance as Miranda Frost. Ms. Pike is the reason why I'm giving this film two-stars instead of just one.

I also like Halle Berry as an actress. Some reviewers don't. I don't much like how her part is written. There's also not much chemistry between Berry and Brosnan. She does a nice job, however, with the action segments and the sassiness and self-assurance. I thought Halle Berry was brilliant in the film Monster's Ball (2001).

This is not the best outing for Judi Dench as M, but a mediocre outing for Dench is still better than a lot of actor's best work. John Cleese is clearly finding his way successfully into the legendary role of Q. I predict that someday we'll look back upon his work in the part with the same kind of admiration we all now have for Desmond Llewelyn. I don't much like Samantha Bond as Miss Moneypenny, but her performance in this film is her best so far. I've up-graded her rating for this film accordingly.

Toby Stephens is all right as Gustav Graves. He's obviously a competent actor, but I wasn't impressed with the character. The whole business of the macho posturing between Bond and Graves is infantile and part of what turns this film into a mindless action flic. Can you imagine Sean Connery or Roger Moore behaving that way? The closest I can recall to that kind of blustery strutting from the earlier Bond films is when Connery says in Diamonds Are Forever, "If Bond's half the genius they say he is . . ." Bond is supposed to be suave and unflappable, not a strutting peacock. Stephens is otherwise best known for an appearance in Possession (2002). I wasn't a bit impressed with the henchmen, Rick Yune as Zao, Lawrence Makoare as Mr. Kil, or Mikhail Gorevoy as Vlad. Yune is another piece of what reduces this film to the cheapest kind of inane action film.

Bottom-Line: Lacking in drama, character development, and humor, this film has reduced the Bond formula to pure action filler, yet the action segments are so sloppily constructed that most are uninteresting. What we're left with is a film with no heart, no mind, and no soul. The only thing left to do while watching this film is to relish the performances by two lovely ladies. Here is my Overall Certified Gold Bond Rating for this film, using my system that facilitates comparisons across the series:

Bond: Pierce Brosnan, without depth Rating: 3/5

Villain: Gustav Graves (Toby Stephens) 3/5; Colonel Moon (Will Yun Lee) 2/5 Overall Rating: 3/5

Henchmen: Zao (Rick Yune) 2/5; Mr. Kil (Lawrence Makoare) 2/5; Vlad (Mikhail Gorevov) 2/5 Overall Rating: 2/5

Henchwoman: Miranda Frost (Rosamund Pike) Rating: 4/5

Co-agent: Jinx (Halle Berry) Rating: 4/5

Colleagues: M (Judi Dench) 5/5; Q (John Cleese) 5/5; Miss Moneypenny (Samantha Bond) 3/5; Damian Falco (Michael Madsen) 3/5; Charles Robinson (Colin Salmon) 3/5 Overall Rating: 4/5

Storyline: Bond caught, tortured, and abandoned; Korean officer determined to force reunification, using space weapon as leverage; ice castle; face lifts and gene research for masking identity; traitorous agent Rating: 2/5

Action: Sword fight 3/5; laser battle with Mr. Kil 1/5; Amateurish CGI sequence 0/5; Bond gadget car vs. Zao's 2/5; Bond vs. Graves on plane 1/5; Jinx vs. Frost catfight 4/5 Overall Rating: 1/5

Toys: Vanishing Aston Martin 1/5; ultrahigh frequency single digit sonic agitator unit 3/5; repelling lines 2/5 Overall Rating: 2/5

Drama/Character Development: Cartoonish villains, absurd plot, lame dialog, lack of sexual chemistry, Bond and Graves as strutting cocks Rating: 1/5

Music: Forgettable theme song by Madonna, mediocre soundtrack overwhelmed by explosive noise Rating: 1/5

Locales: North Korea, Cuba, Iceland Rating: 3/5

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Overall Certified Gold Bond Rating: 30/60
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You may also enjoy my other reviews for 007 films:

Casino Royale (1954), non-series, television
Dr. No (1962)
From Russia with Love (1963)
Goldfinger (1964)
Thunderball (1965)
You Only Live Twice (1967)
Casino Royale (1967), non-series
On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969)
Diamonds Are Forever (1971)
Live and Let Die (1973)
The Man with the Golden Gun (1974)
The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)
Moonraker (1979)
For Your Eyes Only (1981)
Octopussy (1983)
Never Say Never Again (1983), non-series
A View to a Kill (1985)
The Living Daylights (1987)
Licence to Kill (1989)
GoldenEye (1995)
Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)
The World Is Not Enough (1999)

Recommended:
No

Video Occasion: Fit for Friday Evening
Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 13 and Older