File Under "Opportunity Wasted."

In 1994, Adam Sandler released "The Chanukah Song" because he remembered growing up with only a stock selection of Chanukah songs to protect him from the annual onslaught of Christmas carols and novelty hits. "The Chanukah Song" was never supposed to be another "Silent Night" or "Away In The Manger," but it was certainly supposed to fill the niche of, say, "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" or even "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus." In a season where everything is always about Christmas, "The Chanukah Song" (and its two sequels) reminded children of famous Jews in sports, politics, and especially entertainment. The message? You're not alone. Frankly, it's far and away the most worthy thing Adam Sandler has ever done with his career. I'm not saying the guy has to be socially relevant to be worthy, but when you can be socially relevant *and* hilariously witty, that's a pretty good achievement.

So word of Adam Sandler's Chanukah animated picture conjured up hopes that Sandler would be making a holiday classic worthy of entering into rotation with Christmas Story or even Home Alone. That is to say that I didn't need Sandler to make It's A Wonderful Life (he's already caused Frank Capra to turn over in his grave enough this year with Mr. Deeds), but I wanted him to make a cute funny movie that captured the spirit of the holiday season, but did it from a slightly Jewish perspective.

But rather than giving children the cinematic equivalent of "The Chanukah Song," Adam Sandler's 8 Crazy Nights plays as an animated apology to his core group of fans who felt alienated by the effort required to enjoy Punch-Drunk Love. This is a return to the rowdy, sassy, sweet Sandler of Billy Madison or Big Daddy, only it isn't funny, the sweetness is contrived, and the animation is too rudimentary to be worth it. Unfortunately, 8 Crazy Nights probably will become a holiday footnote, rather than a cherished favorite.

The cartoon is set in the small town of Dukesberry in an unnamed state. New Englanders will clearly recognize Dukesberry's "mill-city with a river" as bearing a strong resemblance to Sandler's hometown of Manchester, New Hampshire, but it hardly matters.

Sandler voices our hero, Davey Stone, an alcoholic Jewish Scrooge, who hates the holiday season because it reminds him of a tragedy from his past. He's always in trouble with the police and on the first night of Chanukah he goes on a drunken binge that starts with him skipping out on his drink bill at a local Chinese restaurant and ends with him crashing a snow mobile into the town's menorah and Santa ice sculptures. He goes before a judge and he's about to be sentenced to ten years in prison, when a hairy little man named "Whitey" (also voiced by Sandler) suggests that Davey be forced to come work as a youth center basketball referee as community service. Neither the hypothetical sentence, nor the plea bargain make much sense, but still...

Well, Davey's not happy about his new assignment. He used to be a star basketball player as a child, but he stopped playing after the aforementioned holiday tragedy, so he's as grumpy about being around b-ball as he is about doing it a Christmas-time. He also enjoys taking the p*ss outta (sorry, but I love that British-ism) Whitey. Among other strange things, Whitey has a hairy butt, mismatched feet, and he's prone to apparently hilarious seizures. But when Davey isn't mocking Whitey, he's taunting fat kids. So he's an equal opportunity offender. But Whitey is determined to help Davey rediscover his good side.

Complicating things only slightly is the presence of Davey's ex-girlfriend Jennifer (Jackie Titone) a single mom, returned to Dukesberry after her husband left her for a woman he met online. Jennifer's son, Benjamin, is a clumsy kid, but Davey befriends him immediately. But is Davey beyond redemption? Who cares!

Chanukah's a tough holiday to peg down. It celebrates a miracle, but not a miracle that's particularly central to Jewish tradition. It goes under the heading of "Important things that God did," but as a holiday it's probably not among the fifteen or twenty most important in Jewish tradition. However, Chanukah has a prominent place in American culture because it has been marketed as the Jewish Christmas which is, of course, ridiculous. So Sandler can't really be blamed too heavily for his difficulties in pinning down a message to espouse. After all, "The Chanukah Song" is less about the holiday and more about Jewish pride.

Unfortunately, Sandler can't even find that kind of message in 8 Crazy Nights. Chanukah is reduced to being a holiday that comes slightly before Christmas, one that Jews celebrate with 8 nights of presents. In musical form, Sandler tosses out holiday buzz-words like "latke" and "dreidel" and maybe even "menorah" (though a character may only refer to lighting candles), but skips finding any specific meaning in the holiday. No. I didn't want 8 Crazy Nights to be a lecture on Chanukah or a piece of Jewish propaganda, so don't ask. I did, however, expect it to find its heart in something specific, rather than just in the generalized holiday season. Otherwise, why emphasize the "8 Crazy Nights" in the title? There's no countdown structure or anything. And there's no celebration of the 8 nights of Chanukah. It's just empty words.

Instead, Sandler just deals with the commercialism of the holiday season. Much of the movie takes place in a mall stocked with real stores including Sharper Image, Dunkin' Donuts, and See's Candies. And a crucial musical number is sung by corporate logos including the Lucky Panda and the K-B Toys wooden soldiers (granted that this is a funny concept). But the movie (co-written by Sandler, Brooks Arthur, Allen Covert, and Brad Isaacs) doesn't critique this commercialism. In fact, the singing logos are central to the main character's emotional healing. Theme number 1 of the movie may be that if you're lonely in the holiday season, going to the mall is psychologically beneficial, since big businesses are the friends that never abandon you. Theme number 2 of the movie is that it's important to cry because "alcohol just numbs the pain but doesn't make it go away." Parents will have to think long and hard if that's what they want their children to learn from a holiday film.

8 Crazy Nights is rated PG-13 and it shouldn't be treated as a children's film. It's not a Ralph Bakshi-style adult cartoon, it's just the animated equivalent of an Adam Sandler movie and should be treated as such. There's as much swearing as the rating will allow (that would be one "sh*t" and one "sh*thead). The film also makes jokes about morning erections and what happens if you put somebody's hands down their pants when they're sleeping. All this plus the usual farting, belching, and other bodily humor.

The animation in 8 Crazy Nights is a mishmash of cute and over-literal. Davey Stone might as well be Adam Sandler, ditto with John Lovitz's appearance towards the end. Little Whitey and his sister Eleanor, though, are cute like Smurfs and a heard of deer play a major role in the movie and have more than a little in common with Bambi. The whole endeavor is cruder than Disney or Dreamworks animation, but better than your typical Saturday morning cartoon stuff. But it's closer to the latter than the former. 8 Crazy Nights should probably be given its due for showcasing more blue collar realism than your typical animated feature. Davey's trailer home and cluttered old car are full of more details and authenticity than you might expect. Then again, this is also a movie in which Adam Sandler can dunk a basketball, so the authenticity is hit-and-miss.

The movie features five new songs as well as a new version of "The Chanukah Song," which plays over the closing credits. There's a slightly stereotypically Jewish flavor to "Bum Biddy," while there's something cute about the three part harmony that Sandler does with himself on "Technical Foul," which requires the actor to sing as Davey, Whitey, and Eleanor. As always, Sandler's voice is proficient, but unexceptional and his melodies are catchy, but unremarkable.

Overall, the vocal talent is, once again, like an Adam Sandler film. Kevin Nealon's on hand, as are Carl Weathers, the Sprouse twins, and Sandler's parents Stan and Judy. Rob Scheider narrates the film and also provides yet another offensive ethnic caricature as a Chinese waiter. Just once I'd like Schneider to cameo in a Sandler movie in black face so that somebody would finally just call him on how racist his impersonations are. And Sandler's voicing of three characters is fine, though his falsetto as Whitey gets annoying after a while.

8 Crazy Nights could have been more, had Sandler committed to any kind of Chanukah theme for the movie. But it could hardly have been less. Sandler has shown a sweet romantic side in film romances with the likes of Drew Barrymore and Emily Watson, but here, his character and his romantic foil don't have a single scene together. There's no cuteness, only perfunctory nods to coupling. Audiences, I suspect, will miss that sweetness. And they'll miss the humor as well probably. And more than a few people will be like me and they'll just be disappointed that Adam Sandler wasted a big chance here.


Recommended: No