It is not uncommon in the music industry to come across a song that is simply about music. "Music" by Madonna, "Old Time Rock N Roll" by Bob Seger, "Listen To The Music" by the Doobie Bros.

Fabled as they may be, I'm not crazy about a lot of them. They're like those people who only like to talk about themselves (ya know, like me!). They are the least risky of endeavors, because it's guaranteed that consumers will be instantly satisfied with the subject matter. Adaptation, the movie, strikes me as something like that.

And this is very strange. Because as a screenwriter myself (go on, laugh) I am more than a little intrigued by the movie's premise, which is basically that the movie is about what the screenwriter, Charlie Kaufman (Nicolas Cage) went through while he was writing the movie. But the movie you're watching is THAT movie, the one he's writing. So basically, you're watching this guy trying to come up with ideas (and at times, praying he does). But at what point do his ideas become the movie? Or is it something in the movie that's giving him the ideas? It's like watching a cat chase its own tail, only... not.

Actually, there is more. Charlie is given an assignment to adapt The Orchid Thief, a book by Susan Orlean (Meryl Streep), into a screenplay. Only problem is, there is no story. It is about some guy, John Laroche (Chris Cooper) who collects flowers. Also, a few random musings by Suzy-Q herself, like this one -- I guess I do have one unembarrassed passion. I want to know how it feels to care about something passionately. And they rag on Episode II for using "wish" twice like that.

Not to say that all the movie's wisdom is so underwhelming. In fact, Adaptation is probably one of the biggest quote goldmines we've seen so far this decade. Charlie's conversations with his twin brother Donald (also Cage) put a humorous twist on the screenwriting process. Robert McKee, the "movie professor", raises hell with everything he says. Then of course, John Laroche serves up some deliciously profound truth. In the case of the latter, though, I found it kind of awkward when the pollination "thesis" escaped his mouth. 'Cause up until that point, he seems mostly distant and bitter, then all of a sudden he's cupid de locke. Susan pretty much gets most of the worst lines, like I want to be a baby again. In that case, PLEASE! Stay out of earshot.

Acting is not a problem, thankfully. Nicolas Cage talks to himself, talks to his tape recorder, beats off, walks to the bathroom after beating off, it's just a spot-on performance for Charlie the fat "loser". Meanwhile, he plays quirky Donald with obvious enthusiasm. Streep masters that quiet, sad, distant, self-conscious thing. She's a proverbial walking time-bomb of sadness just waiting to be shoved violently into .. you know, meltdown. Chris Cooper dons his most ardent and childlike exterior (sans the three front teeth) and charms the pants off of women everywhere. You'd think he was, well, playing himself.

The captions that tell where you are in time get kind of confusing, so watch out. If it says THREE YEARS AGO, and then later it says TWO YEARS AGO, I'm going to think that I'm seeing something that happened one year after what I just saw, not five years before the present. It might've made more sense to use actual dates.

Ultimately, I have to recommend Adaptation. When I am watching, I am completely convinced that this guy's trying to write a screenplay, that he's craving banana nut muffins along the way. I can feel every response of his, every tiny little defeat, and every tiny little victory. I think they got lucky.

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This review has been brought to you by sleeper54's Lean-N-Mean 2 write-off, in which we exercise our brevity and keep it under 666 words. Easier said than done, y'all!

Recommended: Yes