Plot Details: This opinion reveals minor details about the movie's plot.

9 Dead Gay Guys (2002) Written and Directed by Lab Ky Mo

"Have you heard the Queen's dead? She died last night, poor b*tch."-an old auntie.

Kenny (Glen Mulhern) is a lad just over to the wicked city of London from the fair fields of Ireland, planning on crashing with his best mate, Byron (Brendan Mackey) who has told him the streets of London are paved with gold.  Sadly, he finds Byron squatting in an industrial flat, passed out, and hung over.

Byron is an admitted lazy git, and he quickly reveals how exactly he has been supporting his Guinness habit; by performing fellatio on aging queens at the local pub called The Elephant's Graveyard.  Kenny is shocked, Kenny is appalled, Kenny is experiencing the leverage of economic necessity.

Of course the news in the bar is that the Queen is dead.  Her Majesty (Michael Praed) met her end by cattle prod.  Shocking, isn't it?  This is dead gay guy number one.

Well, soon Kenny is learning about this legitimate lucrative business, with Byron's patron Jeff (Stephen Berkoff) showing him the ropes.  He apparently showed him well, because after being sodomized by Kenny, he came, and went.  This is dead gay guy #2.

With his meal ticket deceased, Byron now needs to figure where his next meal, and paycheck, is coming from.  Which leads circuitously back to the Queen.  The Queen had a boyfriend/patron, Golders Green (Simon Godley) who was famous for three things; he was an Orthodox Jew, and therefore painfully discrete.  He had the biggest bed, legend had it filled with money, and he only recruited boyfriends who could pass the Really Hard Red Bull Test.  In order to pass the test, a man had to be as big and hard as two cans of Red Bull stacked on each other.  Apparently the Queen was packing a royal scepter.  Yeah.  Run to the fridge and see how big that is; I'll wait.

Anyhoo, Byron has a cattle prod that he got from a man with a three and half inch willy.  The cattle prod is most likely the murder weapon in the death of the Queen, and if so, the murderer probably marauded the money from the mattress.  So all Byron and Kenny have to do is find the owner of the cattle prod, and steal the ill gotten gains from him.

Things are complicated by their lack of money, a desperate dwarf (Raymond Griffiths), an uncooperative cabbie with a name and problem I can't bring myself to discuss,  a killer bulldyke, and her stable of West African Brothers and the priest she crushed for not paying for their charms...who is dead gay guy #3.

What they were trying for is a gay Quentin Tarantino meets a gay(er) Guy Richie sort of "Lock, Stock, and Your Turn in the Barrel" gay London Underground movie.  The problem here is despite the fast paced action, the personal pacing and quick witted repartee just can't flow because our dear Gaelic heroes are too slow.  They're gay-lick rent boys, and low rent at that, and while they manage to muster a great deal of charm, they don't quite shine, mentally.  So what should be a rapid fire exchange ends up being a plodding explanation of the plot points for which ever shamrock is not getting it.

The humor is crude; about on the level of your average frat boy, or Adam Sandler, and decidedly gay.  Not jokes about gays, though certainly there are those, but the inside dishyness and b*tchiness that makes the world of aging queens go round.

That said, it still manages to be charming at times, and at least it never dragged its heels.  The stars, Mulhern and MacKey are cute as they explore their sexuality, and run from it (Denial; it's not just a river in Egypt!) but more importantly, as they, or specifically Kenny, defines what sex is, what orientation he is and where love and money fit in the equation.   It could have been better if Lab Ky Mo was a more experienced writer and director, but it did well enough to win the Montreal Comedy Festival, and the Dublin Gay & Lesbian Film Festival.  Like Kenny, he did something right his first time out, and it was killer his second.

This might not be for all audiences, but for a serving of dishy fun, I highly recommend this.

Gay Movies:

La Mission***Burnt Money***8: The Mormon Propo$ition***In The Flesh***The Sensei***The 24th Day***Wrangler: Anatomy of an Icon***ZMD: Zombies of Mass Destruction***East Side Story***Dorian Blues***Creatures From the Pink Lagoon***Satyricon***Ice Men***Richard O'Briens Rocky Horror Tribute Show***Prom Queen***The Kids are All Right***Between Love and Goodbye***The Mudge Boy***That Man: Peter Berlin***A Single Man***Almost Normal***Outing Riley***Outrage!***Law of Desire***Love is the Devil***Cowboy Junction***Horror in the Wind***Bedrooms and Hallways***Cut Sleeve Boys***Big Eden***For A Lost Soldier***Midnight Cowboy***Redwoods***The Massuer***Boy Culture***Breakfast With Scot***The Fluffer***Flesh***Little Ashes***L.I.E. ***Dorian Gray***9 Dead Gay Guys***Shank***I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry***Beautiful Boxer***Bangkok Love Story***Schoolboy Crush***Shelter***Back Soon***Dog Tags***Theft***The Mulligans***The Velvet Goldmine***Swashbuckler***Smoke Signals
***C'Thulhu***Milk***The Picture of Dorian Gray***Brideshead Revisited***Notes on a Scandal***RocknRolla***Mamma Mia!
***Priscillia: Queen of the Desert***The History Boys***Brokeback Mountain***The Broken Hearts Club*** Yaji and Kita: Midnight Pilgrims ***Surge of Power ***In & Out ***Mambo Italiano ***Touch of Pink ***To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar ***Wolves of Kromer ***Rocky Horror Picture Show ***Taboo ***Deathtrap 


Gay Themed Series:

Spartacus: Blood and Sand
Dante's Cove
Hex
Carnivale Season One
Carnivale Season Two
Rome Season One
Rome Season Two
True Blood
True Blood: Season Two
The Book of Daniel: The Complete Series
Torchwood: Children of Earth
Torchwood: Season One


Gay Animation:

Pirate's Booty***Sensitive Pornograph***Loveless: The Complete Series***Loveless: Hope on the Run***Loveless: Soul of Chains***Loveless: Lost and Found***Embracing Love: A Cicada in Winter***Embracing Love: Cherished Spring ***Stonewall & Riot***Drawn Together Movie: The Movie***Drawn Together: Season 2***Drawn Together: Season 3

Recommended: Yes

Viewing Format: DVD
Video Occasion: Good Date Movie
Suitability For Children: Not suitable for Children of any age