Being extremely disappointed with the first two Star Wars movies, I'm not sure why I saw numero three. I dunno, I thought maybe the decent into evil by Senor Vader would be dark and chilling. I thought maybe I would leave pondering the subconscious of human being.

What I did, instead, was leave pondering the level of consciousness of any moron who wrote, directed, filmed, cast, digitized, or said, "Episode III? Yeah, that sounds like a good idea."

In true Epinions Tradition, I'll mention the good points first. I didn't pay for my ticket.

What was wrong with this film? Lets start with the beginning. The film was set to start at 12:00, noon, Greenwich Mean Time, in the Vue Theatre, Grafton Center, sunny Cambridge, United Kingdom. The previews started at noon, the film started at forty-two minutes past! Myself and other non-passive members of the audience voiced our opinion aloud at the worthlessness of the previews and adverts that kept streaming, undoubtedly at a great cost to the producers. I'm used to sitting through previews, it's the number one reason I don't see movies more than once a year or so...but this set a new low. The length of waiting to see this film was enough to avoid it.

Nextly, the entry battle scene was estupido. Lots and lots of lasers, but with ships that we don't know who is the good guy or the bad guy, just blowing up lots of stuff. Then the Jedi brothers zoom in, try to be harrowing, but end up being stupid, and save the Emperor from uncertain death. Here we see Vader's first fall towards unenlightenment of the film. It's forced, it's not a natural move. I didn't believe it.

Young Padme, whom was quite cute in past exhibitions, was hideous. At one point she looked like Large Marge from Pee Wee's Big Adventure. I thought maybe it was supposed to symbolize her effect on Anykin, but then I realized she's just getting old and all budgeted make-up money was spent on "lasers". She still can't act, but make her speak lines that no-one would say, and she's forcing, falling short of making it believable, and I wanted to throw things at the screen, had it not been so far away.

Chubaka makes a cameo, I'm not sure how the Wookies were supposed to fall into the film, I actually fell ASLEEP during their moment. Ultimately, his moment was awkward and just added to the unnecessary longness of the film.

I dunno if Georgie Boy thought that all of the battle scenes(that had nothing to do with creating an empire, killing Jedi, or degrading Vader) were absolutely necessary, but at one point you realize that he said, "Whoa, this is getting long, we need to wrap it up." And capable Jedi are summarily executed by kids with blasters. At least one good fight to the death of a Jedi would have been nice, instead of them just falling down dead like a well trained Jack Russell Terrier.

I thought one reason for this film was to link Stupid Episode II to Episode IV. You cannot watch Episode III, and then have any interest in Episode IV, V, VI. You now know that the HyperVentilater is Luke's pappy, and that Luke and Leia are incestuous from the start. If you want to show your children the magic of Star Wars 4-6, they CANNOT watch them in chronological order, it will not work, in fact, don't show them 1-3 at all.

In the end, my main gripe was the fact that the transition from angry lover boy to diabolical dictator in Skywalker was as clear as the light switch on my wall. If Dr. Phil were to examine him, he'd be unable to find the indicators and programming that made him go nuts, and would probably blame drugs.

In all, I could point out equally dumb things throughout the whole of the film, like a giant invincible lizard, an influenza stricken robot, or unlimited civilian traffic in a war zone...but that's unnecessary, that'd be nit-picking. And who needs to nit-pick to call a film bad when it has no definitive plot, no real writing, and acting that would have been better left to Miss Paris Hilton?

Avoid it, wait until some dumb network decides to play all six in a row, and then read a book while Episode III plays in the background.

Recommended:
No

Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 9 - 12