My local six-plex movie theater (Glen Cove Cinema, L.I., NY) runs $4.00 movie night on Tuesdays. That’s $4.00 for any movie at any time. Relative to the fact that on regular nights two tickets, a bucket of popcorn, or two, and a pair of Snapple’s runs in the neighborhood of $25.00 - $30.00, my girlfriend and I have made Tuesdays “movie night.” As such, per our “movie night” agreement our individual bi-weekly choices are limited to what is showing on GCC’s six screens. Last Tuesday’s choice was mine and as I did not want to re-view two films I had already seen at GCC (they don’t turn ‘em over too quickly in the winter) or see either “Nannie McPhee” or “Curious George” I opted for “Final Destination 3” (2006).

I mention this because I would NEVER, by choice, choose to go to see such a film unless forced to by lack of other options or a gun-wielding lunatic. (Further proof of that lies in the fact that I didn’t even know that there were “FD-1” or “FD-2” preceding “FD-3.” Though, not being a complete dumbhead I kind of figured the suffix related to the third of a series.) Fortunately for me, of the two aforementioned possibilities it was the former—“lack of other options”--that was in effect last week leading me to chose “Final Destination 3” over the other (5) movies showing @ GCC.

I’m here to say that I was more than pleasantly surprised at the result: “Final Destination 3” fulfilled all expectations and surpassed a few others.

To the show we go…

Judging “FD-3” as a mystery/horror/thriller movie shamelessly catering to the teenage demographic my expectations were that the “mystery” would be easier to figure out than a beginner’s So-Doku puzzle, the “horror” would include non-stop, not-so-random killings, and the “thriller” would be provided via deft, albeit shamelessly obvious, execution of the “horror.”

As if responding directly to my expectations Director James Wong did not fail to deliver across the board. Within the first 20 minutes the solution to the mystery was provided. All McKinley High School seniors not killed on a roller-coaster ride thanks to the clairvoyant talents of, and warnings from, one of their classmates, Wendy Christenson (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), were destined to die via the wicked hands of unseen forces of darkness. From that point on Wong presented a steady stream of gory deaths featuring a decapitation, a girl getting drilled in the head by a Gattling-like nail gun, a pair of female implosions, and on and on and on. To Wong’s credit each death topped the one before it in terms of blood splatter, body part evisceration, and advancing the “thrill” factor. Indeed, though I knew who was going to get killed, and how, after the initial decapitation of one of the students at a local fast-food joint called Fatburger’s, where the term “take-out” was given fresh meaning, I sat contentedly in my chair waiting the next round of killings to begin.

Credit for creating such blood lust within me goes directly to Mr. Wong and his screenwriting buddy, Glen Morgan. Via their combined efforts “FD-3” moves along like an express train that never switches tracks or makes stops that have little to do with plot advancement. Their editing theme was simple: kill, kill, have wind blow some trees, kill, kill, kill. Augmented with an appropriate heavy metal sound track it’s a winning combination that other directors, specifically romantic-comedy directors, ought to incorporate into genre movies that fail to adhere to any discernable theme and end up derailing over and over again into multiple genres without any return to their home track.

In Wong’s case his directional objective was clear-cut: action! I imagine his day on the set going something like this: set up a scene and then yell, “Action!”

And, voila! Action happens!

As such, in “FD-3” the action is autonomous, the actors merely ancillary tools to forward action along. That’s not to say his cast failed to do their work. But, it is to say that Wong did not require “quality of acting” but “quality of taking his direction and moving things along without questioning the director’s motives.”

To that end, the instantly forgettable cast did a superb job. Their integrated performances were such that I cannot remember one of them from another. All I know is that those who were supposed to die did and that those who were supposed to carry us into “FD-4” did not.

With such acute performances by Wong and his cast it is no wonder that “FD-3” will certainly lead its cult onto the sequel and the next and the next, and on and on. “FD-3,” with its ludicrous plot--Grim Reapers hunt down and kill all those who they failed to kill during their prior visitation--asks us not to dwell on any other issue than making sure that the “Body Count” figure on our order form matches the “Body Count” figure tabulated upon delivery.

With “FD-3,” and I suppose its predecessors, things are that simple.

To achieve his goal Wong incorporated obvious iconography (ghoulish costumes, black-clad characters), perpetual horror-infused mise-en-scenes (approaching objects of doom, innocent characters oblivious to approaching objects of doom), and shock & suspense sequences that were so easy to “get” that their overall effect produced humorous responses. You know, that familiar feeling that one gets when watching a C thriller, the kind that makes you shout at the screen, “Watch out!” to the unsuspecting victim about to meet their demise.

In “FD-3” Wong moved me, much like a pawn, right where he wanted me. Indeed, after the first lopping I joined others in the theater, whooping and cheering after each subsequent killing. What with shock and suspense delivered almost to order, what else could I do but laud Wong & Co. by actively participating with others in attendance.


We were there for the gore; Wong delivered. Case closed. Onto “FD-4” we go.

To use the present-time euphemism: “It’s all good.”

Honestly, if there are other films at GCC that interest me more, I will not feel at a loss if I fail see the countless sequels of “Final Destination” that are sure to follow. But, having had no option but to see “FD-3,” and having simple expectations on the way in, this movie was well worth my meager investments. The gore factor was off the charts, presented in such a way as to make it clearly obvious to all viewers that such catastrophes could only take place on a movie set. Thus, “FD-3” is easily forgotten, its “horror” instantly relegated to non-nightmare status, its slain characters remembered merely as players in a game they were meant to lose.

While not highly recommended as a first or even second choice, “FD-#” is worth your meager admission price if only for its ability to get you through a box of popcorn, or two, and 90 minutes in record time.







Recommended:
Yes

Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 13 and Older