New York city bleeds history from every orifice. Everywhere you turn, history gushes from the sidewalk, drowning you in its richness. You could spend a thousand years trying to see and understand it all, but there is just too much. Oftentimes, the biggest sites are overcrowded and irritating. On any given moment it is safe to bet that the Statue of Liberty is packed to the gills with fat people from New Jersey. Ellis island is no different.

If you would like to go to a place just as richly fascinating as Ellis island, but without all the tourists, check out Castle Clinton. Originally built as a military fort to defend the Americas from the hated British during the war of 1812, Castle Clinton is quite interesting on a number of points. Once the British scourge was obliterated from North America once and for all, the fort was converted to an entertainment complex. It became a cultural center, housing operas and other artistic exhibits. Soon after the fall of culture, August 3, 1855 to be exact, Castle Clinton was converted to a naturalization center for the poor and sickly masses of Eastern Europe. Over 8 million people were naturalized into America at Castle Clinton and many more were returned to their native countries to face certain death. Most of those who got through died in industrial accidents although their children experienced much better lives indeed.

Around the turn of the century, due to increasingly restrictive immigration laws, Castle Clinton closed its doors to the degenerate races of Eastern Europe. It reopened as an aquarium. This was quite popular into the 1940's. After the outbreak of WWII, all of the animals of the aquarium were fashioned with explosives and trained to affix death charges to German U-boats patrolling menacingly near the coast. Eventually, when all the animals died somehow, the aquarium went bankrupt. Until recently Castle Clinton has been a little known tourist attraction, although new plans are on the horizon.

It is speculated that Bill Clinton himself may be moving into the Castle Clinton. From here his wife will rule all the domains of the state of New York. Some of the old naturalization offices will be converted to herum rooms for the ex-president. The old aquariums will be converted into "peep booths" to keep Mr. Clinton occupied during his retirement. Here, also, the public will be allowed to watch Clinton while he goes about his daily business, "mainly cooking grits, sweeping up a bit and surfing the net."

"I would love to live in a place with such a rich history in the American spirit." Spoke Clinton at a recent news conference. New York City itself is looking forward to having an ex-president on display as well. "The Castle Clinton is already being outfitted with 24 hour streaming internet cams." Reported Castle Clinton administrator Jonathan Fadori. A bathroom cam, shower cam, and Clinton bedroom cam are already in place. But as it stands now, all you may see on the bedroom cam is a lonely bearskin rug and raging fire flickering on the 75" wall mounted television. The site will be the first adult oriented .gov site on the net. The Clinton's decision to move into the already aptly named Castle Clinton is still only tentative, but apparently the structure is large enough to allow the president and his wife to "never have to see one another." That particular feature, is the only on a long list of criteria on which the Clinton's agree.





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