NMD85's Full Review: Charlie's Angels for GameCube
In light of the most recent movie, Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, Ubi-Soft has developed a console playing experience that is sought to capture the experience of the most recent McG directed Charlie's Angels movies - even sporting the likenesses of the primary casts. My general judgement of movie-to-games is filled with all kinds of negativity and prejudice mainly because the developers have no obligations to pull out a quality product. If the license is on there and the marketing does a general duty of attracting a certain mainstream public, it's already done it's job. If you've played most movie-to-games in the past - you'll know exactly where this logic comes from. With the exception of a few games out there, GoldenEye 007 being the stereotype-breaker in being one of the finest movie-to-games ever produced (the game could very well be better than the movie although GoldenEye is my personal favorite Bond movie of them all), they mainly give off bad vibes. Every bad thing has their goods - but for the most part the point which is trying to be proved here is that you simply have to be skeptical with movie-to-game ordeals - simply because games like these are a prime example of what happens when developers take advantage of license abuse.
First off, I think Ubi-Soft ought to be ashamed of this product, simply switching on the game wrecks of that fact that this game was intended to be a botched, rushed experience that might be plausible for a young audience. Like most license abuse cases, it's basically the surrounding experience that does a par job of giving off the idea that the game isn't all that bad - until you delve into the gameplay aspects. Quite notably, Ubi-Soft impressively secured all the rights to get the likenesses of the main cast of Angels, most notably Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu, and Drew Barrymore. We're not just talking about the faces of the Angels, but they've even gotten them to read off the entire script for the game and even spurt out a bunch of corny one-liners during gameplay. Sadly, the rest of the cast is nonexistent in likenesses, and that goes for Bernie Mac as Bosley (no Bill Murray) and Crispin Glover as the Thin Man. Perhaps Ubi-Soft spent too much on the licensing to make this game stellar enough to have Mac or Glover in the game - but then again if I were either one of them, I'd turn it down as quickly as possible knowing how horrid this game really is.
Visually, this game is a downright crying shame - a testament to what a weeks worth of programming can get you. Charlie's Angels is as relative to a Playstation game as most games I've seen on the market today. The visuals are marred by blandness, low-polygons, and a somewhat slowdown-ridden framerate at times. Simply said, these graphics are sickeningly bad, and the moment you enter the game, you know you'll be turning it off in the next couple minutes. The likenesses might be the only saving grace here, except they really don't save anything from an overall damaged package that this game really is. Even the character movements are horrible and robotic, especially when the Angels run. It can best be described when the Scientists run in Half-Life except they bounce all over up and down like a Barbie doll was used as the example of how a running polygonal model should move. Even the ridiculous-looking enemies with quirky and sometimes stupid names look effortlessly created. Enemies that are clothed in construction outfits, some that even resemble butlers, and surfer dudes. It's a complete wash-out of originality, and it's laughable and equally shameful. It's completely embarrassing, not even the sometimes bikini-wearing Angels can detour one from getting sick of looking at these downright awful visuals that deeply plague the experience. Even the cutscenes, are poor, ranging from plastic-looking, low-poly models - stuff I've seen done better on the consoles of yesteryear - namely the Playstation.
Here's where the game ultimately falls flat in Charlie's Angels (no perverted pun intended) and that's the gameplay aspects. If anyone's played Final Fight, Streets of Rage, or more appropriately Fighting Force (to get a 3D perspective), you get an idea of what the gameplay is relative to. The only problem is that the gameplay is shallower than these games and unlike them, they have a certain candor that makes up an audience of players. Starting off, you'll be able to play as one of the three Angels in something of an involuntary alternating fashion. No matter which Angel you are, this game simply has you running around beating up guys and girls who look the same with the same buttons: kick or punch. Although each Angel has their distinct differences, they are all cookie-cutter-like simplistic to play as. You can repeatedly hit foes with mashing these buttons and getting the same mediocre, repetitive outcome that completely defies the movies. You may be able to jump and attack at the same time, but the response of the controls is sometimes nonexistent enough to pull off a Matrix-style wag-the-legs kick. Other than that, there's no slow-down time effects, no neat flip kicks, no complex combos, no grabs or throws - nothing. It's unbelievable that Ubi-Soft couldn't even remotely make the gameplay complex because it's as ridiculous that it's under 10 audience may still be bored to tears of monotony and repetition. To make things worse, the environments are hardly free-roaming - areas where you'll be constantly confined to the invisible wall-filled environments until you defeat the bunch of enemies needed to advance to the next inches of fighting space. The gameplay is ultimately unforgiving, and unacceptably shallow.
Getting over to the audio department, this is where the game is no total failure. Seeing that including some of the vocal music was at best contractual to be included in the game, the rest of the stuff is mediocre at best - some jazz-funk, to funk tunes to 80's-rock inspired ones depending on what Angel you are possessing. The music isn't all that horrible, at least it's themed, but it's nothing that will amp you up to fighting more or make you feel worthwhile (like the movie's felicitously arranged soundtrack). As mentioned before, Diaz, Liu, and Barrymore have contributed to reading the scripts, which aren't too bad, but obviously contrived off the movie's sexual-innuendo-laden script - except it does a somewhat embarrassing attempt at trying to create it's own version of something like it. Even the one-liners (that repeat incessantly during battle) are cheap, limited but novel. This is at best somewhat admirable, and it saves the entire game from being a complete wash-out. Sadly, the game does have it's pathetic portions - especially when Diaz's character Natalie gets struck in battle - she just whimpers a "huhhhhh". As incessant and horrible it is to hear, it's laughably embarrassing as well. Also mentioned before, no other voices have been considered - so you can laugh at all the horrid impersonations of Bernie Mac as Bosley.
Usually, my reviews are based on impartiality - I don't like to discriminate based on my experiences. I understand that everybody looks at a game in different ways - sometimes others may appreciate it more than that person who disliked it. My job is to inform, not to indoctrinate based on my personal views of the game - but I can't help saying that no matter who you are - your time should not be wasted on this couple-weeks-developed extramint. I recently reviewed Batman: Dark Tomorrow and exclaimed it was probably the worse game of the year so far - and in many ways this game could be worse than it. This game is embarrassing, and only mars the GameCube's line-up of software. This game ends up being a sloppy, rushed, generic product based on the probability that Ubi-Soft had deadlines to meet and that they went off the mentality that the license would do all the selling on it's own. Personally, I wanted to play this game to meet up with The Thin Man, but I was disgusted to go any further than my half-hour experience with the product. So finally, I don't even want to mention a buy, I don't recommend the rental - just stick to the movies.
FINAL DECISION
(on a basis of Epinions' stars ratings)
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