Vile.
Written: Jun 13 '00 (Updated May 23 '03)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Frighteningly beautiful Borglike green color (you will be assimilated; resistance is futile)
Cons: A horrid, completely artificial product that tastes absolutely awful
The Bottom Line: Unfit for human consumption. If you want apple schnapps, buy Berentzen Apfelkorn Apple Schnapps from Germany, which is made from, and actually tastes like, apples.
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| Chuq's Full Review: Dekuyper Pucker Sour Apple |
I was recently invited to a friend's housewarming party, to which I was particularly looking forward because I heard the food would be very good. Indeed it was, and while I was on the patio nibbling on Black Forest ham on pumpernickel I saw someone emerge from the house with a brilliant green drink in a Martini glass.
An uncharacteristic voice inside of me said, "Ooo, that's pretty... what's that?"
Okay, stop. Hold everything.
Rule of Drinking #167: NEVER order a drink based on how "pretty" it is. This is a lesson I learned many years ago, and it is still one of the easiest rules to weaken and break. And I was just about to break it again.
(We may now resume.)
"An apple martini!" I was told. One of the guests had brought a bottle of DeKuyper Sour Apple Pucker Schnapps for one of the hosts as a housewarming gift, along with a bottle of Absolut. "I just LOVE this stuff!" he squealed.
I looked at the bottle with some skepticism. It had a silly label, and was a brilliant green ... like the green glow of the alien machinery in a Borg spaceship. But it was *pretty*, wasn't it. Apple martini, that sounds good, doesn't it?
I love cocktails. I love Sazeracs and Sidecars and Fancy-Frees and Manhattans and Martinis and Clover Clubs and just about any great cocktail you can think of, as long as it's made with quality ingredients.
An apple martini does indeed sound good, but the voice of logic, reason and good taste inside of me was urgently telling me that apple-flavored drinks should be made with something like Calvados and apple juice, or at least a good applejack. But the little weak synapse that made me violate Rule 167 failed completely, and I said, "Would you make me one, please?"
The flavor of this elixir was not tempered or assisted by the vodka in the slightest (Absolut not being my favorite vodka anyway). It was absolutely, utterly *vile*. The closest flavor that it brought to mind was that of apple Jolly Rancher candies, except I like Jolly Rancher candies. This stuff was detestable. Imagine the flavor of a Jolly Rancher concentrated by an order of magnitude, syrupy and cloyingly sweet, with a taste that resembled something that comes out of a pharmacist's cabinet rather than a liquor cabinet.
Sour Apple Pucker is a drink not for someone seriously interested in fine liquors, liqueurs and cocktails, but perhaps for a college student who wants to get drunk -- although at 30 proof it could take some time with this stuff, and it would undoubtedly induce copious amounts of vomiting.
Remember that no actual apple came within two miles of a Sour Apple Pucker Schnapps bottle during its production. This execrable effluvium is made from artificial flavor, Borg-green artificial color and sugar syrup, spiked with low-grade alcohol. In my opinion, it is not fit for human consumption.
Remember this as well -- as Christian Conti (user-caconti) said in his excellent review of this company's equally vile butterscotch schnapps, alcohol is not candy. This swill is appealing to candy eaters and not serious cocktail drinkers. If you drink sickly sweet liquors like this because you do not like the taste of alcohol, then *maybe you shouldn't be drinking alcohol.*
So if you want a *real* apple martini, do this -- core and slice one Golden Delicious and three Granny Smith apples. Place them into a 1-liter jar with a rubber-sealed lid. Cover with a fifth of vodka, stick it in the fridge and wait a month. Give it a little agitation every day or so, if you think of it. Strain through several layers of cheesecloth and bottle, then let age for at least another month (very important!). Strain again if necessary ... and you'll have an absolutely beautiful apple-infused vodka. Make an "apple martini" with a splash of Lillet and maybe a dash of bitters, and you'll be in heaven.
If you still want to buy apple schnapps, there's an absolutely lovely product from Germany called Berentzen Apfelkorn, which looks like it was made from real apples (and indeed it is), and actually tastes like apples. It's a lower in alcohol than the homemade apple-infused vodka, and you don't have to wait two months for it. It's outstanding in a drink created by the legendary Dale DeGroff, called the Big Apple Manhattan:
2 ounces rye or bourbon whiskey
1 ounce Berentzen Apfelkorn
Stir with cracked ice in a mixing glass for at least 20 seconds, strain into a cocktail glass and garnish wit h a thin slice of apple on the rim.
But I digress ... now back to the unpleasantness at hand:
"How do you like it?" asked the gift-bringing guest. This is one of those moments when, for the sake of good manners, courtesy and a lack of desire to hurt someone else's feelings, you tell a huge stinking lie. "Lovely, thank you," I said, ever the polite guest.
I very nearly spat my first mouthful back into the glass as soon as I got back to my seat. I nursed the drink for a while without actually drinking it, and then when everyone's attention was diverted by the arrival of another guest, I dumped the rest of the drink onto the lawn. The host's dog got up and went over to investigate, sniffed the spot on the grass where the drink landed, then walked back over to his previous resting place, curled up, and went back to sleep.
That drink sure was pretty, though.
Recommended:
No
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Epinions.com ID:
Chuq
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Member: Chuck Taggart
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Reviews written: 29
Trusted by: 81 members
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