Remember “The Potent Green Hornet?” Well last week I finally sent her on a permanent vacation to El Landfill Grande after accidentally cracking her wheels off. That…and she was a piece of rubbish. The replacement – a shiny Hoover Bagless Windtunnel (model S3765-050) ubervac.

In keeping with tradition I have named this vacuum Beatrice, and she is best vacuum I’ve yet had the pleasure to operate. There’s a lot to say about Beatrice, some of which comes in response to other reviews out there specific to her performance. Let’s dress this baby down:

Performance – On Carpet
The most important consideration, after all – will all that grot finally be sucked out of my rugs? The answer is an absolute YES. Beatrice produces the most powerful suction I have ever encountered, and that includes an Easy-Flo central vacuum system. The suction is also variable at three levels – and on my carpets, ‘High’ is so strong that the powerhead sucks so deeply into the rug that the bristles can’t move. ‘Medium’ is often necessary as a result.

For those reviewers who have complained, “The belt falls off! The belt burns out! What a piece of crap! This is garbage!” – I would hazard a guess that they are using an inappropriately strong suction setting for the carpet they happen to be vacuuming. If, like me, you have relatively plush carpet, using Beatrice on ‘High’ sucks the powerhead down so tightly that the carpet pile stops the agitator from spinning – this in turns causes friction at the motor junction, which will keep spinning, throwing off the belt or burning through it. As a rule of thumb, if the beater seems to be severely struggling, turn down the suction one step.

The powerhead itself utilizes Hoover’s ‘Windtunnel’ suction channels around the beater, which is advertised as providing superior clearance of airborne debris rather than letting it get agitated right back into the carpet. I’m not personally sure if this claim is true, but the agitator itself is quiet and strong, nearly towing the user across the room.

I was also skeptical of the so-called ‘Edge Groomers’ – toothy little rubber combs that stick down at the edges of the powerhead – but after using it they really do seem to get down into the edge along baseboards and collect lint that otherwise requires a crevice tool to remove.

I have commented previously on vacuum headlamps, but Beatrice takes the prize for hilarity and ridiculousness – it actually angles up from the vacuum, so the most it can shed light on is the wall or the ceiling. Very amusing…and you have to laugh at it. Then again, if you aren’t planning on vacuuming in the dead of night, this is a non-issue.

Performance – On Bare Floors
Beatrice is a hands-down bare floor winner. On ‘High’ the suction is so intense that she can use a very wide bare floor tool (included), which effectively sucks up everything from pebbles to lint, or shrapnel from a shattered soup bowl. (Note to self: do not drop china on granite…duh)

Performance – Tools
The dusting brush is a joke. Get a horsehair brush from a vacuum store – this just scrapes things with its very tough bristles.

The crevice tool is stubby, but gets the job done.

As with most vacuums these days, Beatrice comes with one of those suction-powered mini-turbine beaters for use at the end of the hose. Unlike other vacuums, Beatrice actually has the suction power to make it WORK PROPERLY, without slowing to a stop the second you touch it to a couch. Just put her on ‘High’ and go to work.

The main wand is telescoping, which is of twofold convenience: first off, the height can be adjusted to match the operator…and second, it compacts down to half-height for easier storage.

Function – Dust Collection
Beatrice is bagless! I was hesitant at first because the primary filter (one of those round scalloped things) is right in the dirt bowl itself, and I was suspicious that it would accumulate grot as quickly as the Potent Green Hornet did, clogging it up. Not true!

What seems to set Beatrice apart from the likes of the Hornet is the design of her dirt bowl – there is a compartment below two swinging lids, into which heavier dirt seems to fall thereby keeping it out of the swirling airstream. There is also a side compartment that lighter, fluffier clods (such as hair or carpet fluff) flies straight into, preventing it from getting into the filter as well.

All of this being said, let’s be realistic – it is a filter. In a vacuum cleaner. So it WILL need cleaning. Beatrice comes with a little brush to do this with, and the filter itself is also washable.

Beyond the primary filter, the exhaust goes through a HEPA filter (also washable) to remove allergens and fine particles. This is great. Enough said.

Aesthetics – Design
If you don’t have somewhere to hide this vacuum when not in use, beware – Beatrice is very, very unpleasant to look at. She looks like a shiny cancerous growth with a snout. U-g-g-g-g-l-y.

The hose is just fine – it could be slightly longer, but for those who complain about how stiff it is: REMEMBER THE SUCTION. If the hose were not this resilient, it would cave in under the decompression to which it is exposed at ‘High’ suction.

So in closing, here’s the final verdict:

-        great vacuum
-        decent price
-        very ugly

The only question is…which matters to you?

Cheers,

The Domestic God

Recommended: Yes

Amount Paid (US$): 280