The Conqueror (1956)

“She is much woman. Should her perfidy be less than that of other women?”

I am a big fan of epic movies; movies about historical figures that are presented larger than life - Spartacus, El Cid, General Gordon, and the like, but sometimes an epic just doesn’t quite come off. An example of this is The Conqueror zillionaire Howard Hughes’ next-to-last movie and one that he jealously kept to himself for many years.

The Conqueror purports to be the story of Genghis Khan’s rise to power in the far reaches of Mongolia. Genghis Khan, incidentally is a title - it means “perfect warrior” the man’s name was actually Temujin.

The Conqueror did not fail for lack of money. It reportedly cost 8 million in 1956 dollars to make, and a further $12 million to buy up all the prints once Howard Hughes decided to take it off the market. No, The Conqueror failed because it lacked many things, but not money. Shot in Cinemascope and Technicolor, the premier film processes of the day, the movie had a horrible script with pseudo-Shakespearean dialog and about the worst miscasting of any film imaginable. Imagine John Wayne and his Indian fighting buddies got up as Mongol warriors, and with the same mannerisms displayed in a typical western and you would not be far off. For feminine pulchritude we have Susan Hayward, perhaps the woodenest actress of the era, and Agnes Moorehead as an old crone, the mother of Temujin. For brothers he has William Conrad (no kidding!) and Pedro Armendariz, another of Wayne’s buddies.

The guys ride around the red sands of Utah that stand in for the Gobi and in the middle distant shots they look pretty convincing. It is at the far distant shots when you expect to see a horde and see about forty-fifty guys you begin to suspect. Then at close range you know for sure you are watching a real howler - one you and your buddies could watch while slamming down a case of beer. The entire cast overacts like crazy and the words do not exactly tumble lightly from their mouths; they have to be extracted with pliers, almost. You expect that Wayne will punctuate his disjointed speeches with his famous epithet, “pilgrim.”

Temujin: “I feel this Tartar woman is for me, and my blood says, 'take her.' There are moments for wisdom and moments when I listen to my blood; my blood says, 'take this Tartar woman.'” is only one example of the atrocious dialog.

To make sure the film appealed to both sexes (I guess) Hughes substituted the conquest of a woman (Hayward) for the conquest of the known world. “She is my destiny,” Wayne drawls syllabically. Hayward has a couple of big moments, one a clumsy sword dance that is about as moving as a plate of chopped liver. The supporting cast are some top names from the fifties - Lee Van Cleef, Ted de Corsia, Agnes Moorehead (Citizen Kane), Leo Gordon, and lots more faces you’ll recognize. The Oscar Millard penned dialog is stilted and the action aimless, almost without exception. I’ll let you pick apart the rest when you see it as it is a target rich environment.

The thing that is stupefying about The Conqueror is, while so many great films are deteriorated, it is perfectly preserved. The color leaps off the screen and the 2.35:1 imagery is beautifully intact. It’s just that it is so wasted on the hijinx that substitute for a credible story of Genghis Khan.

Available on DVD from Good Times for a bargain price. It is so bad it’s almost good. Another bad movie you may want to check out is One Million Years BC, starring Raquel Welch.

Thanks for reading!

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