Have you ever gone to a camp ground and seen row upon row of those modern prairie schooners parked side by side with satellite dishes pointing skyward and air conditioners humming? These people are getting back to nature. It’s that same mentality of “bring it all with you” that causes urban sprawl. What people are trying to escape is brought with them by the sheer number of people trying to ‘get away.’ It’s what turns a lazy, curvy 2-lane country highway into 4 lanes of strip mall-lined, stop light-filled concrete. It’s what put a Walgreens and McDonalds on seemingly every corner.

It’s also what brought us a brand spankin’ new, weathered old oceansidebeach shack to the outskirts of St. Louis. How oxymoronic can one place be? “Boy,” I told Karen, “I bet they sell jumbo shrimp there.”

“Well, I hope they serve crabs,” she said. “I’d hate to eat without you.” Very funny, dear.

We’re going to Joe’s Crab Shack. Joe’s is one of the chains in the Landry’s Seafood Restaurant family. The look is pure Gulf Coast fishing shack, inside and out. Piering and nets decorate the outside and inside you’ll find picnic tables with buckets sunk in the middle (for crab waste) and walls and ceiling busy with junk…beach junk, but junk none-the-less. It does keep the kids occupied and when they have finished scouring all of the walls and ceiling for something of interest, there is the beach playground outside. No fast food joint slide and tube over a couple inches of foam padding; this baby is deep, squish-your-feet-in-it sand.

All of this is part of the Joe’s Crab Shack atmosphere. They’re going for casual and fun. Once an hour, the wait staff perform a song and may conga line through the tables. Of course if you go when they are particularly uninspired as we did, their annoyance at having to perform is rather contagious. Just avert your eyes, repeatedly mumble to yourself “Please make it stop,” and in a few minutes it will all be over. That’s exactly how Brett felt when he chose this place for his 9th birthday dinner. He was made to race another young birthday boy through the restaurant on a stick horse (and promptly got lost.)

But we chose this place because we are fans of seafood. We started with something from the appetizers menu. Our choices were: Crab Cake, Gumbo, Clam Strips, Chowder, Blue Crab Dip, Calamari, Stuffed Jalapenos, Stuffed Mushrooms, Bucket of Shrimp and something called Crab Balls. Not wanting to promote the castration of innocent crabs, we passed on the Crab Balls opting instead for the Stuffed Mushrooms. When Karen took her first bite of the mushrooms I saw her flinch. She found them still frozen in the middle. We like to fool ourselves that Chef Pierre is back in the kitchen slaving over pots and pans preparing our food. This snaps you back to reality. Some teenager is back there trying to learn all the buttons on the microwave. He still hadn’t mastered ‘Re-warm’ because when we sent the mushrooms back, they returned at best unchilly.

There are Steaks, Sandwiches, and Chicken Breast main dishes. Face it, though, you go to Joe’s Crab Shack for seafood, namely crab. King Crab, Snow Crab, Blue Crab and Dungeness Crab are offered, BBQ’d, steamed or garlic. Joe’s also offers a Fisherman’s Platter (fried shrimp and fish, plus the infamous Crab Balls), a Shrimp Platter (four kinds of shrimp), and a Broiled Seafood Platter (where you’ll find those jumbo shrimp). From the grill comes Tuna or Salmon Steak, Lobster Tail or Mahi Mahi.

Luckily, between appetizer and main course our student cook had some tutoring. Though I’m not an expert, I’m not sure you can screw up crab legs anyway.

Obviously, what is for sale at Joe’s Crab Shack is atmosphere…and t-shirts and other merchandise. Everything else is secondary. ‘Peace, Love and Crabs’ declare the tie dye t-shirts for sale by the front door. Unfortunately when we were there, atmosphere was lacking. I could just as easily sit in my garage with its junk filled walls, pop a Jimmy Buffet CD in the player and get that Joe’s Crab Shack feel. For my dining dollar, I prefer to feel serviced. I’ll take Red Lobster over the Shack every time.

Always one to tout the AAA Show Your Card & Save program, I must add that AAA members save 10% on food, beverages and merchandise at Joe’s Crab Shack.


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