Papa John's - If John Was My Papa This Pizza Would Constitute Child Abuse.
Written: Oct 27 '07 (Updated Oct 31 '07)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: On time fast delivery, friendly staff at my local outlet, good online menu.
Cons: Some of the worst pizza I've ever had.
The Bottom Line: With crust like a baked sandwich wrapper and sauce and cheese with as much flavor as Wonder Bread, this was one of the worst pizzas I've ever eaten.
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| mongkut's Full Review: Papa John's Pizza |
Here I am once again with my fourth installment in my personal ‘Find The Least Sucky Chain Delivery Pizza’ write off. I’m now seriously thinking this was an incredibly dumb idea. So far, as of this last crappy pie, I’ve suffered through four really bad pizzas just so I could write a review. I think Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Well I don’t know if I was crazy to set this goal for myself but it is obviously proof I’m no Einstein.
Anyway this weekend brings my encounter with the awfulness known as Papa John’s, a company that actually had me saying “gee Domino’s isn’t quite so bad after all.” It is also beginning to become clear that there really may not be a least sucky delivery chain pizza.
The Chain
The Cinderella story of Papa John’s started in the pizza mecca of Jeffersonville, Indiana in 1984. This should come as no shock because when most people think of pizza they think Indiana. I mean really, beyond the Indy 500, the Colts, and a history of fine college hoops what comes to mind first when you think Indiana? Pizza of course. And who better to perfect the classic Neapolitan pie than a guy named John Schnatter. OK, so Schnatter is actually a German name but hey Italy is only separated from Germany by Austria and Naples is in Italy so that kind of makes Papa John Italian, right? Aww, never mind .
Anyway Papa John decided that the chain pizza of the mid-80s wasn’t authentic enough so he decided to create a superior quality traditional pie. I have no idea what happened to that dream but in any event he did start yet another pizza chain that today has close to 3,000 outlets allowing people in 49 states and 29 foreign countries to experience seriously bad pizza. You go Papa John.
The Online Menu
Papa John’s gets big props for being the only pizza chain so far that allows you to see the prices without having to register. This is very a customer friendly system and if their pizza was any good this alone might see them getting my business. You do have to enter an address and zip code so that they can display an accurate menu for the nearest franchise, but that is actually a god thing.
The menu is very straight forward and user friendly. You can choose from a variety of specialty pizzas or create your own through several pull down menus that allow you to choose the size and type of crust and to order toppings for the whole pie or either half. Very cool. Beyond pizza there are several drink selections as well as side items such as buffalo wings, chicken strips, and sweet and savory pizza dough sticks.
Online Menu Suckiness Factor: Not Sucky
The Phone Order
As I mentioned in my Domino’s review I’ve switched to phone orders over ordering online to avoid being inundated with email ads. I called the East Lake Road, Palm Harbor location and the phone was answered by a friendly enough, I’m guessing, high school kid. He took my order quickly and efficiently and told me I’d have my pizza in 35 to 45 minutes.
Phone Order Suckiness Factor: Not Sucky
The Delivery
At almost exactly 35 minutes I heard a knock at the door and another friendly and polite kid dropped off my pizza. All good except for one major problem, the pizza was lukewarm. It had been delivered in one of the pizza warmers but obviously sat out long enough to start to cool at the outlet.
Delivery Suckiness Factor: Pretty Sucky
The Pizza
I took advantage of the ability to top halves of the pizza with different toppings but I’m going to confine my comments to the half that had pepperoni and onion since that is what I’ve ordered on all the pies so far. In any event the entire pie was very bad.
By far the worst part of this pizza was the crust. I ordered thin crust which in authentic Northeast style pies means a crust which is about a quarter inch thick, crisp on the outside and chewy inside. Papa John’s version is about as thin as the wraps used in many health food shops to make wrap sandwiches. The texture was just odd. It had a bit of cracker crispness with a weird density that did not allow for normal pizza chewiness. Very bizarre and totally off putting.
The sauce was incredibly bland which I think must be a necessity when you are trying to make a product that will not offend even the blandest palette. It wasn't sweet, it wasn't tart, it wasn't spiced so that you could tell, it just, well, wasn't much of anything. The cheese was equally flavorless and was not helped by the sparse topping of pepperoni that had a kind of off taste. Not spoiled, but not good.
Like the pizza from Pizza Hut I had many weeks ago this pizza had all the signs that it had been processed through one of those conveyor pizza ovens. The two most telling signs were the dots in the crust and the way the cheese was covered in dark brown dots as though it had gone through a broiler. Hmm, I'm not thinking that when Gennaro Lombardi first introduced pizza to the US in New York that he was thinking of making traditional pies on a conveyor belt.
Between the awful crust and the lousy toppings this is easily one of the worst pizzas I’ve ever had the displeasure of trying. And in the words of my five year old, "daddy, why is this pizza so yucky?" I don't know son, I don't know.
Flavor On The Side
Since Papa John's is so seemingly terrified of offering actual pizza flavor in their pies, they include several additions that are meant to allow their customers to simulate the 'good pizza' experience. Included in the box are two pepperoncini peppers which must somehow relate to pizza goodness when viewed through the corporate mindset. Also included is a bizarre tasting garlic sauce, which seems to be a substitute to putting a discernable amount of garlic in the sauce. Yeah, I'm sure lots of people in Naples dip their pizza in garlic sauce. Yeah, really, this is amazingly traditional, not. And on top of these strange additions is a special seasoning packet that I'm assuming is supposed to add the spices which would have already been included in any decent pizza sauce. Translation? Maximum suckage. Don't make me try to simulate good pizza. Just make good pizza to begin with, hello is there anybody out there?
Pizza Suckiness Factor: Amazingly Sucky
Price
I paid about $16 for a large thin crust with three toppings.
Recommended:
No
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