Is it altogether necessary to beat up a Dallas Cowboy fan at an exhibition game between the Eagles and the Falcons?

Believe me, I think it's important for all of us to acknowledge that Dallas Cowboy fans deserve to be beaten up. But when it comes to doing the actual violence, I have to admit that I think being a fan of the Cowboys is probably punishment enough.

The unprovoked assaults and other crimes that routinely occur at the Vet have made it necessary for a Philadelphia judge to set up court directly underneath the stands. Ruffians are scolded, fined, assigned a number of community service hours, and allowed back into the stadium the next week just so that we lucky Philadelphians can enjoy the adventure of watching games with a sword of Damocles dangling overhead. In the week prior to the playoff game between the Eagles and the Buccaneers last season (hosted by the Eagles), the local networks ran a series of ads essentially urging the citizens of Philadelphia not to embarrass themselves by murdering visitors from Tampa Bay.

The playing field itself is routinely characterized by NFL players as the worst in the league. It is astroturf--mostly--even though the stadium is uncovered and grass could presumably be grown there. The reason I say the field is only 'mostly' astroturf is that sections of it (the sections that cover the pitcher's mound and other parts of the field used for various non-football-related purposes) are simply plates of metal painted green. The cruelest fans really like it when the Eagles' defenders tackle opponents on the huge metal plate near midfield.

The stadium itself is falling apart with leaks and hazards everywhere. Running back Duce Staley was actually injured on the sidelines last year when he slipped in a huge puddle of rusty goo.

The parking lot is designed for maximum congestion at the gates, which allows the hawkers of poorly made T-shirts to approach people in their cars with a sales pitch a half a dozen times before they can park and even more frequently on their way out. Policemen who are angry that they can't watch the game because they are on duty close various entrances and exits to the parking lot and redirect traffic in the streets surrounding the stadium so that each trip to the Vet is a new adventure in guesswork about what the best approach will be this time.

I've only watched NFL games in two other venues: The Meadowlands and Texas Stadium. There simply isn't any comparison between those other stadiums and the Vet. The Vet is an embarrassment to Jeff Lurie and the Eagles, to the NFL, and to the city of Philadelphia. But as much as we Philadelphians like to talk about building a new stadium, we're really much more interested in stalling by arguing about where to put it. Deep down in our hearts, we know that if we put together a stadium that isn't falling apart and maintain a field that isn't studded with green metal plates, people will come to realize that the real problem isn't the stadium. It's us.

There's nothing wrong with our hockey facility at the Spectrum, after all. But there's still something wrong with Philadelphia hockey fans. When I went to see the Flyers play the Bruins a few years ago, a Bruins fan had driven down from Boston to see the game and was sitting two rows in front of me. He was proudly wearing a Bruins cap that had been signed by most of the team. That evening, one of the Bruins players (I forget which one) scored three goals, a hat trick. Standard practice when a player gets a hat trick at home is for the home fans to toss their caps onto the ice. No one expected any hats to be thrown onto the ice for a visiting player. The main reason the Bruins fan liked to follow the Bruins to other cities was because he could wear his cap without worrying about having to surrender it to a hat trick.

The Philadelphia fans saw things differently. The people around him tried to take his cap so they could throw it on the ice. He resisted. He stuffed his cap in his pants to protect it. They beat the utter crap out of him, took his cap, and threw it toward the ice. It didn't quite make it all the way to the rink and was trampled under foot by the people closer to the ice, where it presumably soaked up beer and pretzel crumbs for the remainder of the evening.

I think Donovan McNabb (the Eagles' up-and-coming quarterback) is among the smartest and most poised men in the history of the NFL. I can't remember having been so excited about such a young player (for his comportment both on the field and off) in a very long time. I really wanted to watch him in the playoffs last year against the Buccs, and I could have gotten tickets. But the prospect of watching him with the Philadelphia fans who had booed him when he was selected in the draft and who would turn on him (violently) at a moment's notice ultimately persuaded me to watch the game at home.

That and the fact that anyone who goes to the Vet while it's snowing is just asking for a broken neck.

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