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Swordfish (DVD, 2009)
(168 Epinions reviews)
Epinions Product Rating:
Where Can I Buy It?
HALLE BERRY'S BOOBS!
Jun 22, 2001
Review by mattjoe
Rated a Very Helpful Review
Pros:HALLE BERRY'S BOOBS, some action scenes
Cons:Not enough action scenes or boobs
The Bottom Line: in Swordfish, there is neither a sword, nor a fish, discuss.
Yes, the sole reason for going to SWORDFISH was to see some skin. There is no shame in my game, and there is no shame in the baring of what had yet been flashed on screen. The breasts of one pretty and talented actress, Halle Berry.
Recommend this product?
Was she really paid a half million to flash them to us? I don't know, she says No, but if so, it certain has paid dividends. I paid $8.75 and so did 2 other friends that night. That comes to just under $27.00 earned that night, as no one would have gone had I not been pushy enough to demand to be driven to go see SWORDFISH.
Diverting our attention from Halle Berry's Boobs for just a moment, the plot of Swordfish is a simple one. Get a computer hacker to write a worm program to grab all the cash from a bank account which has been frozen for a while. The take, a cool 9 billion dollars. The reason? To fund what at first appears to be a private war. Which, as it turns out, is really a black-ops program run under the supervision of some powerful politicians. The war is really antiterrorist action. John Travolta plays Gabriel (angel of death reference?) the leader of the antiterrorist team. They take action against terrorists just so they can learn, YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE UNITED STATES!
I found the cause to be a good one. John Travolta comes off as a ruthless sadist. However, he is truly the hero in this film, as he is a patriot, protecting and serving his country in ways the country doesn't want to know about. He does the dirty work, keeps people safe from terrorism, much like the man working at the slaughterhouse keeps us all fed and helps us forget that burger was a cow running around. We keep our hands clean, we plead ignorance, we go about our business.
Gabriel has a plan, he needs the worlds best hacker, but there is a problem, the hacker, Stan, is under a court order not to touch a computer because he committed some crimes. The way to force him to do this? Use his daughter as a pawn. Promise him custody of her. Currently the daughter lives with her mother, and her porno producing husband.
Halle Berry enters the scene as the partner to Gabriel. Ginger, who is she? Is she undercover DEA as she claims to be? Or, is she really Gabriel's partner? Whatever she is, I'll not divulge the ending. But she is:
2 scenes, occurring slightly over a mere 30 something minutes into the film. We get two couple second glimpses. That breaks down to $125,000 per breast seen on screen. (assuming the half mill story is true) You want to know, don't you? Bigger or smaller than a half dollar? (and how has a half dollar become the standard unit of measure anyway?) I WON'T TELL! You must go see SWORDFISH, or maybe download a picture somewhere your self.
But anyway, as titillating as that may be, we have a movie to review.
Travolta, as mentioned earlier, he is evil, but in a good way. He isn't as cold as I felt he was in BROKEN ARROW. This was a disappointment to me. I felt his arrogance and total disrespect for his enemies lives was far greater in Broken Arrow than it was here in Swordfish. He also seems to be bulking up. Does The Church Of Scientology preach getting fatter? Apparently so. Travolta is looking like he will go the way of Marlon Brando soon. He is slightly demonic at times, his performance only somewhat less inspired than Broken Arrow or Face Off. But good nonetheless.
This pretty and topless character is basically in the movie for one thing. TO SHOW US HER BOOBIES! As commendable as that may be, her character has so little development (aside from her breasts) that using her in the film was sad. She is very talented, yet she does little but walk around on screen, have a few lines, and remain mysterious.
the desperate dad who wants his kid back, but still maintains his sense of right and wrong. Well done, but he seems to be cast for the sole purpose of finding a plot to revolve the story around.
Swordfish looks like the summers big shoot 'em up, blow things up, car chase, action film, doesn't it?
WELL IT ISNT!
I was sorely disappointed. The action sequences were few and far between. There was little gunplay, only two real car chases, and as for blowing things up? Yeah, I suppose two people blew up. So, the explosive factor for an action film, gets low grades.
So, will I see it again?
I may be convinced to perk up and see it again. On DVD, so I can go slow, and zoom in.
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