Who Will Be the Epinions' SURVIVOR?!
Written: Jun 12 '00
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Makes You Feel Good About YOUR Life
Cons: Doesn't Show EVERYTHING
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| Hard_To_Please's Full Review: CBS |
If you haven’t already heard about “Survivor”, you must have been stranded on an island for the past several weeks-- this reality-based series has been generating more buzz than any new show in twenty years.
This ‘game show’ is based on an amazingly simple concept- 16 ‘ordinary’ people are left ‘stranded’ on a tropical island and at the end of 39 days, the sole ‘survivor’ collects $1 million. No, the first 15 don’t die (although I wish some of them would) – there are Council Meetings every three days in which the group votes to kick one of the other contestants off the island (and thus- the show).
The island is 31 miles off the coast of Kota Kinabalu in the South China Sea and is approximately eight square miles in size. There is at least one dirty little secret that CBS probably would prefer you didn’t know, but who am I to deny you the sordid truth? The ‘deserted’ island is in fact a popular location for the nearby Malaysians to enjoy a picnic and even houses a ranger station! Oh well, just play along with the whole premise of ‘deserted’ ---I suppose the only truly ‘deserted’ location within a few day’s travel is the moon and I’m sure the cost of renting out the Space Shuttle would be prohibitive.
I shouldn’t belittle the fact that the island isn’t deserted- it truly is lacking in the necessities we have all grown accustomed to- there is not a single McDonalds, Blockbusters, or Wal-Mart within walking distance. Most shocking of all, word has it that the contestants were not even able to access Epinions for the entire five weeks!!
The ‘castaways’ did have to share the island with a host of other undesirable inhabitants including poisonous snakes, rat-faced rats, and a ukulele-playing old woman (more on her later).
Guess which one of the ‘undesirables’ tastes like chicken when you cut off its’ head and roast it on an open fire! (Actually they all probably taste like chicken, but we are only privy to witnessing one of the above being skewered and savored.)
All in all, the contestants really do have it pretty rough, and it is a pleasure to see others suffering a bit more than we do on a typical day. You think it’s bad when your air conditioning isn’t cranking high enough to bring the temperature to 68 degrees- relish the fact that middle-aged Susan has to endure a month of 90 degree temps without even a window unit to ease her hot flashes! You think it’s a bad day when the coworker next to you forgets to apply his roll-on—--well, delight in the knowledge that Joel sleeps with his nose only six inches from Susan’s ‘unwashed-for-a-month’ armpits! Not that Susan ignores good grooming practices- in Episode One she masochistically combs her stringy hair with a large knife. I’m not sure why, but I was strangely turned on by watching this and disappointed that there were no slow-motion shots of this-- or even a few orgasmic ‘Herbal Essence’ moans, but I’ll take what I can get.
The whole appeal of the show is watching these characters and how their personalities interact with the others. You have to wonder how you would fare if forced to live with these people. You get to wave good-bye at 5 ‘o’clock to most of the people you hate, but these folks have to protect their comrades from nose-nibbling rats during the night (“whoops- didn’t see that one, Colleen- sorry!”), rub sun lotion on each other’s backs (“I know you’re a homosexual, Richard, but I am NOT turned on by this despite the fact that I’m making Herbal Essence sounds”), and dig a latrine together (not a true Hard-To-Please review without at least one urination reference).
Who Are These People?
Good question! The contestants were chosen from thousands of applicants after many days of psychological and physical testing. There are complete biographies of each provided on the Survivor website (provided later), but in the meantime, I’ll share some highlights.
*BB is 64 and refuses to take shelter from the midday sun. (What do they say about mad dogs and Englishmen?!)
*Colleen is 23 and describes herself as “a bit spacey”. (“A bit”?!- She seems to think she’s Ginger on Gilligan’s island—the only thing missing is the gown!)
*Gervase, 30, is the only ‘man of color’ and says ‘indecisive people get on his nerves’. (Funny how he couldn’t decide what to do with his wriggling three-inch maggot!)
*Greg is 24 and ‘loves the smell of a pine forest’. (Has snorted a few bottles too many of Pine-Sol !)
*Gretchen, 38, spent six years as a survival instructor. (Must be how she maintains her PTA membership.)
*Jenna is 22 and enjoys a rousing game of paintball. (What I wouldn’t give to splat a big blue pellet right across her smug little forehead!)
*Joel, 27, is a single fitness trainer who loves sushi. (Apparently he didn’t bring any shirts and has neglected the sit-up portion of his workout!)
*Ramona is 28 and loves kick-boxing, but hates water. (Still waiting to see her perform a round-house kick to Gervase’s three-incher!)
*Dirk, 23, is single and loves blind dates. (He’s also a dairy farmer—too bad there’s very little to milk on the island- he seems lost when his blind date doesn’t have an udder!)
*Kelly is 22 and can touch her nose with her tongue. (Kelly- have you met Dirk?)
*Richard, 38, is gay and spent 5 years in the Army. (Don’t ask- don’t tell.)
*Rudy is 72 and is a retired Navy SEAL. (Seemed to really enjoy rubbing lotion onto Richard—-once again, ‘don’t ask- don’t tell’!)
*Sean, 30, is a single doctor with a nipple ring. (Sean- have you met Dirk, Kelly, Richard, and Rudy?!)
*Stacey is 27 and is a corporate lawyer. (Danger! Sharks both in and out of the water!)
*Susan, 37, drives a concrete truck. (Even though I already said she turned me on, I would never stoop to any comments about the propensity of concrete to harden within 30 seconds!)
*Sonja is 62 and brought her ukulele to the island. (If there was ever more of an invitation to see if an old lady tastes like chicken, I’ve never heard one!)
What Has Happened So Far?
There have been two episodes so far and you may have already missed the drama of watching two contestants voted off the island. In Episode One, poor ukulele-playing Sonja was voted off the island (was there ever any doubt?). In Episode Two, hard-working BB was sent packing (guess he should’ve come in from the midday sun!)
It is embarrassingly low-brow to admit that I care about who will be voted off next, but I do!! Will Sean show Dirk his nipple ring? Will Dirk, the dairy farmer, be freaked out by less than eight nipples? Will Colleen and Greg have sex? Will Hard To Please and Susan have sex?
For more information, go to www.cbs.com and follow the links or tune in every Wednesday, at (8:00-9:00 PM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network.
As a little exercise in the Survivor philosophy- please read this excerpt from the comments of Dr. Gene Ondrusek, a chief psychologist for the Center for Executive Health at Scripps Hospital in La Jolla, California, the consulting psychologist for Survivor:
“Surviving the Social Cauldron”
Our castaways have boldly stepped forward to do just that. And a lot is riding on their choice to place themselves in a hostile physical environment, where bonding to survive and cooperating to flourish is only a part of the package. The ultimate survivor will most likely possess the ability to combine leadership skills with being a team player. To rise to the top, they will have to demonstrate conflict management without alienating or appearing aloof and detached. They will have to care. The capacity to master the subtle social politics, to assert without offending, and to adapt to changing dynamics will be critical.
Most importantly, the winner will embody a hard to define quality which makes others want to see them succeed and prosper. Others must be made to feel good knowing that they helped this individual prevail, even as they failed. We know that if your team wants you to succeed, it is more likely that you will. We all want to enjoy helping a deserving person rise to receive just recognition. We like winners who we want to win. And in an ever more individualistic society, the opportunity to participate in this is a welcome one, even if most of us have to sit back while others display their lives for all to see and judge.”
The Exercise
Having read the psychologist’s thoughts, you should now choose a ‘Survivor” from the following 21 Epinions’ members. I have selected the 20 “Most Popular” members to strand on the island. Knowing everything that you do about the following members, please select the ‘castaway’ that you believe would be the last survivor on the island and post it to the comment section of this review. If you feel that you would be the ultimate survivor among the Epinions members, feel free to state your case. And if you believe that any of the following have nipple rings, feel free to say so!
1. BrianKoller
2. poseidon
3. ptiemann
4. kornell 911
5. Andrew Hicks
6. vara
7. drlolipop
8. Bonies7
9. kcfoxy
10. 401402
11. charles
12. Profilewriter
13. hwz1
14. Scorsesian
15. pweisenberg
16. chrisbickel
17. mattjoe
18. endora60
19. erin5oaks
20. netKat
Recommended:
Yes
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Epinions.com ID:
Hard_To_Please
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 - Top 1000 |
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Location: St. Louis, MO
Reviews written: 47
Trusted by: 741 members
About Me:
MARK IS MISSED!
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