Have I Got A Deal For You!
Written: Jan 24 '00
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Live telecasts; some decent products; good customer service
Cons: Live telecasts; addicting; a real credit card killer
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| pogomom's Full Review: QVC |
Battle of the Titans
Rick Domeier mumbles a curse as he steps down from his perch behind the table where he exhibits QVC’s wares; trips off the platform and nearly topples to the floor. Obviously, poor Rick thought his microphone was off when the jovial, baby-faced hunk of schlock TV blurts, “Who designed this thing? I gonna kill myself on it. Sheesh!” After this little exchange with himself, the happily married darling of loyal QVC viewers makes a beeline for one of the more exotic motionless models as she continues posing with the most recently featured item. A look of pure horror suddenly flashes across his pleasant features as he realizes his faux pas. Fade out and the obligatory station identification replaces the awkward scene. Two minutes and two seconds later, we are privy to the entrance of a sullen Rick Domeier escorting a female host onto the set. He bids her a quick goodbye and heads off camera without so much as “ta-ta” directed at the viewing audience. His cover was blown; the mask of Mr. Nice Guy ripped off before the entire world by the scowling face of his tantrum. Where else can you get live drama of this quality? True life unfolding before your eyes, twenty-four hours a day – seven days a week, is too good to pass up for those of us who failed to develop lives of our own.
I love QVC! While not a fan of most products shilled on a round the clock basis, I find the banter amusing and wonderful background noise while I work. Every so often, a well-trained, highly composed, soft-spoken host pulls a gaffe on live television that is priceless. During one cooking show several years back, the host, Steve Bryant, neatly sliced off a chunk of his finger with Ginsu precision. Without missing a beat, he wrapped the pulsing bloody appendage in his apron and carried on until the camera crew received the cue to cut. While I normally find dismemberment offensive, the “show must go on” attitude displayed by that host had me in stitches, (him, too, I imagine.)
Another instance that had me riveted to the screen occurred last winter during a blizzard in Westchester, Pennsylvania, home of QVC. The angel-faced Nordic former beauty queen, Mary Beth Roe, sat in her host chair trying to interest her snow bound audience in the product of the minute while hacking, coughing and eventually losing her voice. The glaring red of her nose (set off by the pallor of the rest of her) showed she was headed for a good ten days of sick leave. She wheezed and choked her way through product descriptions and the mandatory customer testimonials while pleading with her eyes at some off-camera power to please, please, please find someone, anyone, to take over for her. As a fellow member of the human race, I probably should have telephoned the station and insisted on compassionate treatment of this ailing woman but I simply watched. I admit to voyeuristic tendencies and QVC brings out the worst in me. This live soap opera is the baby boomer’s answer to MTV’s Real World.
The hosts, well groomed though average in appearance with few exceptions, display the warm, outgoing personalities that TV executives feel we, the viewing public, might welcome into our homes. The established hosts, those remaining with the network since the inception of CVN and subsequent change-over to QVC, have become minor celebrities in their own right with biographies, cook books and holiday CDs created to empty the wallets of long-time fans. The daytime drama analogy continues with the confessions of love affairs between hosts and the break ups that follow becoming public matters, for $19.95 plus shipping and handling.
As far as never-ending infomercials go, QVC took the lead as the used Cadillac of the bunch for over a decade under the guidance of Barry Diller. The only true competition in this market is The Home Shopping Network. Notorious for hard sell tactics, HSN ran a distinct second to QVC’s softer approach and brand name product lines.
HSN proved much more fun to watch in the early days as the hosts appeared to have come directly from the corner saloon or simply forgot to comb their hair, shave and press their clothes. These people gave me license to feel superior! One emaciated woman, representing HSN’s finest, sported alleged visible track marks and insisted on wearing sleeveless garments as she pushed cubic zirconium encrusted vermeil jewelry with the enthusiasm of a hot dog vendor at the Orange Bowl. Her zeal remained constant as she donned an apron while sprinting to the kitchen set to extol the virtues of some kitchen magician line of goods. My eyes fixed on her hair no matter what she demonstrated since one large teased clump on the top of her head would bounce about happily with each exaggerated gesture. Folks, that is entertainment. All this vaudevillian activity came to an abrupt halt when Barry Diller abandoned QVC and became top dog at HSN.
Mr. Diller’s first noticeable decree involved bringing his lady friend, Diane Von Furstenberg, and her silk fashion line, a true jewel in QVC’s crown, to HSN. Within months, HSN took on the appearance of its competitor in format and in hosting style. The “accident waiting to happen” hosts disappeared and those considered redeemable received makeovers resulting in stylized, dapper clones of their counterparts at QVC. Product lines improved at HSN as QVC evened the score, during that transitional period, by presenting pure junk via wet-behind-the-ears trainee hosts.
Both channels currently offer similar merchandise. As the two provide program calendars to their respective customers dating one to two months ahead, it is no surprise that the gruesome twosome often schedule similar items in identical time slots.
QVC still has the edge over HSN with the creation of several decent quality signature lines including Denim and Co.™ (clothing and accessories) and Cooks Essentials™ non-stick cookware. QVC also retains licensing to market Looney Tunes, Hasbro, Coca Cola and other popular collectables. The addition of Sears’ partnering with QVC to market Craftsman tools brought in a number of other merchants desirous of the same access to the broad customer base. Both channels sell home electronics and office products; low line computers and peripherals; small kitchen appliances, home accents and linens. Each holds exclusive contracts with lesser known clothing designers. The same holds true for their ongoing relationships with second tier celebrities who front for everything from cosmetics and fashion lines to home exercise equipment and vitamin supplements. Never fear, the two titans of the small screen still sell sterling silver and gold jewelry set with the stepchildren of obscure gems and the old standby, cubic zirconium.
Similarities continue with each channel maintaining web sites. QVC duplicates its televised efforts on the Internet; every item in their warehouse is available from both venues. HSN takes a different approach, offering a limited number and type of product on their web site but offering a wide variety on their sister-site, First Auction.
I hardly recommend anyone spend time staring dumbly at the ongoing saga I like to call, “As The Cash Register Rings.” The entertainment value of watching the last true live television broadcast with the hope of catching a classic blunder makes both channels worth a glance. I might actually recommend viewing either perpetual commercial in cases of confinement to the house due to postoperative recuperation, long-term incarceration or simple boredom. If you live miles from the nearest mall or discount department store and spot a particular item you have already researched that you absolutely have to possess, take a chance. QVC and HSN permit returns with full refunds or exchanges within thirty days of shipment. No reason beyond, “I changed my mind,” is required but you do have to pay return shipping expenses.
Overall, I give QVC and The Home Shopping Network one-quarter thumb up (each) for entertainment value, customer service and product lines. My final recommendation rests with this: Watching either station beats a hot fork in the eye!
Recommended:
No
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Epinions.com ID:
pogomom
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Reviews written: 193
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About Me:
Web/puter person who, disguised as mild-mannered Pogomom, offers unsolicited opinions to all she encounters.
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