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Re: What the world must be like... (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Elvisdo,
You are welcome into my overly active mind anytime. But the thing is, you can leave anytime you want. I am trapped in it.
It's a fun place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there.
danke for the comment,
Sordid-1
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Sep 28 '00
5:58 pm PDT
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Re: This is rich! (Reply to this comment)
by miridunn
"Even as you lift up my name in praise, your gracious gesture is counter-acted by my most grievious omission of the "Skipper-Little Buddy" factor."...
I thought you were just being shy!
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Sep 28 '00
9:12 am PDT
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Now that you mention it (Reply to this comment)
by juliette
the professor always did look pretty good to me. Something about those lean, tanned forearms coming out of his always-white, always crisply-ironed turned- up shirtsleeves... Yes, and that big ol' clunky geek-watch he always wore... oh my. I think I'll go have a cigarette now.
julie
(just another shameless hussy hanging out in sordid's chat-room, er, comment section.)
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Sep 28 '00
6:33 am PDT
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counterpoint (Reply to this comment)
by st3on1ey1baby
"...his personality and preponderance towards bookwormishness did not make him a player in the eyes of the ladies."
Oh, but in one of those bad movies where they all get off the island - all the ladies wanted the Professor's dick.
Tammy
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Sep 27 '00
10:11 pm PDT
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HR HR HR HR HR HR HR (Reply to this comment)
by afropuff
Just for this, I'm putting you on my WOT . . . tout suite!
The haikus were a magnificent touch.
'Scuse me while I recover from laughing like a hyena with emphysema . . .
'puff
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Sep 27 '00
7:06 pm PDT
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Re: I want a man with a SLOW hand... (Reply to this comment)
by Leah
Oh he who is most Sordid-
Deepest sorrows for my insensitive oversight in not stroking you first, foremost, and hardest.
You see, I thought you were a married man, with a newborn offspring.
I swore off stroking the betrothed man two decades ago (almost...who tracks stuff like that, huh?)
I found it to be a most hollow and empty, superficial and shallow, non-rewarding and non-ego-enhancing, unfulfilling and self-sabatoging, non-self-actualizing pattern I had to "surrender to my Higher Self".
I now spend my online time stroking gay men and those with Panda fetishes.
One Day At A Time I trudge my own personal, yet oft' hellish, road to Happy Destiny.
"Best"
Live and Let Live Leah
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Sep 27 '00
6:08 pm PDT
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Re: At Least You Don't Charge $50 an Hour! (Reply to this comment)
by Hard_To_Please
Porquine-1 -
I greatly appreciate your sub-tuhl way of letting me know that even the Sordid-1 has occasionally appeared semi-literate! As far as Amy's comment, I do not have first-hand knowledge of squealing during porcupine sex, but I think we can assume that anytime one is mounted by a horny male sporting, not one, but hundreds of sharp quills, squealing is inevitable!...Mark
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Sep 27 '00
5:47 pm PDT
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I'm not sure which is funnier... (Reply to this comment)
by WorkingMomof2
I loved the review, but now I'm rolling at the comments. For the record, how does Mark (HTP) know what a porcupine sounds like when it squeals during sex, anyway? One has to wonder.
Anyway - back to the point - and I did have one - great review. Very enlightening, and I'm almost positive I'll never be able to watch old Gilligan and the gang again the same way. Must admit I would have paired Gilligan and Skipper. Also agree with Lambira about the Professor's hidden sexiness. It's the quiet ones who surprise you <wink, wink, says she married to a quiet engineer>
:) Keep 'em coming,
Amy
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Sep 27 '00
1:38 pm PDT
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Like a Volvo owner with a bad attitude, (Reply to this comment)
by nathsmom
you're driving me to distraction. Really Sordid-1, with the whole dangerous criminal thing and all this Gilligan's Island sexy talk, you're starting to look really good to me. Big ol' wink
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Sep 27 '00
11:07 am PDT
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Thanks a lot. (Reply to this comment)
by Lambira
Your review made me laugh so hard that it exacerbated my recent bladder control problem. However, I disagree with you on a few minor points:
1. The Professor's sex appeal. Every woman knows that geeks make the best potential lovers; they are eminently trainable, having no sexual bad habits to break. They are usually good with their hands. And since they are typically virgins, they're utterly grateful to the woman who finally gives it up to them, and once they get a taste of booty they want some mo'.
2. Maryanne's virginity. I have several friends that grew up in small towns and states like Kansas. As teenagers, they found that they had a very limited array of activities to choose from. Therefore, leisure time was primarily spent drinking, fornicating, and engaging in acts of petty vandalism such as egging houses. I have no doubt that Maryanne's chaste exterior belied the fact that she is a dirty, dirty whore.
Either way, you are a disturbing man. When can we expect a diatribe on the sexual politics of WKRP In Cincinnati? Andy Travis prompted some of my early sexual longings, fine feathered hair and all.
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Sep 27 '00
5:52 am PDT
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Your writ leaves me both aghast and humored... (Reply to this comment)
by webguy
and as I ponder this fine, bacchian tribute to the subtext of a classic sitcom, I cannot decide whether it deserves an HR or a censure from the FCC. I'll my dilemma after a brief commercial break.
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Sep 27 '00
2:10 am PDT
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What the world must be like... (Reply to this comment)
by elvisdo
if we viewed it through your eyes all the time. One thing for sure, creative thinking will never be a problem. Thanks for bringing us into that overly active mind of yours.
Of course I still can't decide over that age old question about Mary Ann or Ginger. Do I want sugar or spice?
Outstanding review. In fact, it's almost inspirational.
Charles
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Sep 26 '00
11:48 pm PDT
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Re: I want a man with a SLOW hand... (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Leah,
No, of course I don't mind if you flirt with SLOW in my comment section. That's what it's here for, right? Some sort of fragmented, discombobulated Love Connection with bold font and italicized text, right?
Just some perverted forum for lovesick (yet literate) deviants to flaunt their saucy wares in brazen attempts to consummate their inner-most fantasies. That's what my comment section is all about, right? RIGHT?
JUST FLIRT AWAY, LEAH. IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME A BIT. I'M NOT SEETHING WITH JEALOUSY, THAT IS A MERE FIG NEWTON OF YOUR IMAGINATION. FLIRT, FLIRT, FLIRT. DO IT WITH A SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND A TWINKLE IN YOUR EYE. SEE, SEE? I'M PERFECTLY FINE WITH IT.
You tawdry ne'er-do-wells are dragging my pure, wholesome comment section right into the depths of depravity.
And I'll not stand for it.
Sordid-1
Hey, Leah. When you're done stroking SLOW's whatchamacallit, ya think you can stroke my ego a bit? That will make it all better.
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Sep 26 '00
11:41 pm PDT
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Re: I certainly hope that you will continue (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Cindi,
If you give me a hamburger now, I will gladly pay you back next Tuesday.
Sordid-1
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Sep 26 '00
11:25 pm PDT
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Re: hmm (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Nathsmom,
I am rock-solid positive that every island visitor was "treated" to a special initiation process from our good friend, the Skipper.
And that includes the Harlem Globetrotters.
Sordid-1
Thank you for having the good taste and decorum to refrain from discussing your WOT here. I don't want my clean, wholesome comment section dragged into the gutter by the likes of you, little missy!
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Sep 26 '00
11:14 pm PDT
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Re: I don't know what to say... (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
KC,
No need to worry about distancing yourself from the Howells. When I mentally place you on the island, I envision you as a more-literate Maryanne (despite your name).
And please don't be insulted that I am trying to sub-tuh-lee associate you with a "Kansan". I know that would be a personal affront to anyone from the fine, fine state of Texas. I may be a pseudo-pig, but am not yet porcine enough to consciously do that.
Thanks for the read, rate, 'n comment.
Sordid-1
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Sep 26 '00
11:09 pm PDT
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Re: Ginger or MaryAnne? (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
SLOW,
There is nothing SLOW about your wit. That is, without doubt, the most creative and strangely appropriate use of "coltish flanks" I have ever seen in all my years.
I must say that this message thread has taken a most disturbing turn, though. Now my mind is inundated with annoying images of Gilligan's coltish flanks being rode hard and put away wet by that portly Skipper in all his porcine glory.
It makes me long for those innocent days when the sub-tuhl overtones of Skipper/Little Buddy pairings somehow eluded me.
<shudder>
On the bright side, gutter-slut Ginger is a nice distraction.
Thanks for stopping by. Sometimes I think we should trade names.
Sordid (but not as sordid as SLOW) - 1
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Sep 26 '00
10:59 pm PDT
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Re: Hilarious! But I think (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Juliette,
I resent Kansas.
Every time I have driven through there I have taken the Kansas Turnpike (a pay thoroughfare).
It irks me that those darn Kansans think their state is so high-and-mighty that I should have to pay money for the privilege of driving on it and viewing their porcine sights.
Kansas is the Thurston Howell of states. It is too busy wallowing in all its turnpike earnings to even think of anything sexual.
It's sub-tuhl, yet pervasive, greed really chaps my hide.
Thanks for your comment. Kansas sucks.
Sordid-1
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Sep 26 '00
10:42 pm PDT
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Re: You're sure to get a smile... (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Sweeper,
Thanks for the kind words, but I would never dare to appear on Survivor island.
Wasn't the winner the guy who bounced around the island naked showcasing his billowing rolls of porcine flesh?
I couldn't compete with that.
Sordid-1
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Sep 26 '00
10:36 pm PDT
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Re: At Least You Don't Charge $50 an Hour! (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Mark,
Not your fault. The English language is a strange and unforgiving beast. If there was any justice in this world, that word would be spelled "porkine" which would make it much more readily comprehensible.
If it makes you feel any better, I was well into adulthood before I stopped pronouncing "subtle" as "sub-tuhl".
It's sort of hard to look like anything other than a semi-literate moron when you go around saying things like, "That movie had sub-tuhl undercurrents of rebellion."
Porquine-1
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Sep 26 '00
10:33 pm PDT
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I want a man with a SLOW hand... (Reply to this comment)
by Leah
Sorry Sordid One,
Do you mind if I flirt with SLOW here in your thread? His comment was almost as funny as the review.
And for the record, I agree with howell: that Priggish Prof. was very, very steamy sexy in a removed, distanced, cold, braniac, disinterested, unavailable man kinda way. (oh - sorry. There's that Daddy sh*t again! "My father's daughter" and all that.)
Now - did you watch the Jerry Mahoney hour/show? Can you explain to me why as a young girl of 7 I got turned on in my "naughty parts region" whenever Paul Mitchell would pretend to have a head cold and talk thru his clogged nose?
Perhaps some things are better left to the Mystery, hmm?
Big into the sublime, a moron on the obvious...
Leah
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Sep 26 '00
5:34 pm PDT
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I certainly hope that you will continue (Reply to this comment)
by cmuir
on with more reviews just like this. You are going to leave me hanging here just like with your travel reviews.
I still think you need to try the Stephen King approach here. Do you take Pay Pal??
Cindi
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Sep 26 '00
4:35 pm PDT
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hmm (Reply to this comment)
by nathsmom
Hey, you know when astronauts or KGB agents or whoever would stop by the island...do you think the skipper did them, too?
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Sep 26 '00
3:11 pm PDT
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I don't know what to say... (Reply to this comment)
by kchowell
This is sick, twisted, and very, very funny.
I think that you may be underestimating The Professor, though. I suspect that there's more smoldering beneath his brainy exterior than you give him credit for.
Once again, your words have me rolling on the floor!
Howell
Uhhhh...no relation.
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Sep 26 '00
2:46 pm PDT
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Ginger or MaryAnne? (Reply to this comment)
by SLOW
Definitely Ginger. Even ignoring my penchant and predisposition towards redheads, there was something remarkable about her even when I was seven years old.
I mean, does an erection at that age even COUNT?
Sadly, pop culture misled me, and the belief that the Wholesome Chix Are Best was foisted upon me like so much pre-kitten-food raw salmon entrails. It took me until near the end of puberty to figure out that "Wholesome" meant "Tease" and there really isn't anything good about a tease. Nothing useful to 17-year-olds, at any rate.
GutterSluts are, by far, much more intriguing, erotic, and, dammit, interesting. Who the heck wants to hear about baking muffins after you've bumped nasties? What guy wants to EVER hear about baking anything, except as a precursor to getting in the sack? "Really? Baking soda is key? Wow- that's just so fascinating..."
Anyway, I disagree with your assessment of Gilligan's sex life, too. Why do you think the Skipper hired the boyish wannabe seagoer? For his maritime skills? His nautical expertise?
Heck no, ya darned sidewinder. He liked Gilligan's coltish flanks, and the way he bellowed "SKIP-PER" when penetrated. Yup- his own "Little Buddy."
So at least Gilligan had that going for him. So to speak.
Nice job, anyway. You freak.
-SLOW
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Sep 26 '00
8:25 am PDT
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Hilarious! But I think (Reply to this comment)
by juliette
you are all wrong about "the Kansas factor." Why do you think no one in Kansas ever gets boinky with it? Have you ever been to Kansas? There really isn't much else to do there...
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Sep 26 '00
8:21 am PDT
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You're sure to get a smile... (Reply to this comment)
by sweeper
With seven stranded castaways, here on Gilligan's isle.
And with this amazing review.
Sordid,
You'd be the last one I'd vote off the island.
Dave
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Sep 26 '00
8:15 am PDT
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Re: At Least You Don't Charge $50 an Hour! (Reply to this comment)
by Hard_To_Please
Dr. Sordid asked Did you make up the word "porquine"?
Well, Dr., it seems I owe you not only for the therapy, but for spelling lessons as well. Had I taken the time to reference Websters', I would have realized that the word is actually porcine; meaning 'piggish' or 'hoggish'!!
I apologize to those that were mislead by my misspelling into believing that I squeal like a porcupine during sex! ...Mark
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Sep 26 '00
3:43 am PDT
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Re: As a stranger... (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Mr. Tipu,
Well well well... I guess the shoe is on the other foot now. The hunter has become the hunted. What goes around, comes around. <<help me out... I'm running out of cliches here>>
I will have to ask Mrs. Sordid if your assessments are on-base. She may ask you to lower the skill rating as lower back problems impeded full mastery of the infamous Lake Titicaca position.
In my own defense, I resent any implications that my selections in the Women of Piggott Mail Order Bride catalogue were anything other than top-notch. They were all clean and many still had their own hair.
If you were that displeased with your order, please contact my customer service department rather than publicly degrading my service. A partial refund may be in order.
Furthermore, I concede that you may not have selected the most advantageous time to place your order. Some Californian with an Italian-sounding name had just completed a massive purchase. Thus, my stock was largely depleted. I apologize if your selection was not to your liking.
Sordid-1
Owner/Operator: Piggott Mail Order Bride Service
We accept cash, checks, credit cards, or food stamps.
Trade-ins allowed.
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Sep 25 '00
11:33 pm PDT
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Re: Excellent analysis! (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Teresa,
Thank you.
If I can prompt you to only view "Gilligan's Island" from the standpoint of a deviant, my work here is done.
Sordid-1
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Sep 25 '00
11:12 pm PDT
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